To think that health professionals should not call me MUM

[Reallytired]

DD had her jabs today and the nurse kept on calling me "Mum" even though I said to her that I did not want her to call me "Mum". I told her that it was a biological impossiblity that I was her mother.

I have two children and I am happy for me to call me Mum, but I do have a proper name and I think health professionals should use it.

in your opinion, it's fine. in my opinion,
it's not. in the opinion of behavioural psychologists, it's a blatant power grab. in the opinion of senior physicians, the same (some choose to make that grab, some don't.)

to my ear, someone who is not my child calling me 'mum' is lazy, unprofessional and making a point about who's in charge. do i make 'a stand' about it? well, no, not necessarily, who can honestly be arsed?

and having seen these threads before it's clear that the implied threat from hcps is that if they're having to think of something as profoundly difficult as another name then they may pay less attention to your child... so no, i say nothing. but i think the person who's said it is a bit dense and i'd be disinclined to give anything they say much credence from that point onwards.

because it is wrong. it's a bit of medical jargon that should have gone out with the ark that took the automatic assumption of marriage and christianity etc with it. it's been discussed in all the journals, anyone who's saying it should know this. so why are they still saying it?

x-ed with milly's excellent post.

surely they are doing it to make the child feel at ease.?

ie; "lets sit you on mums lap"

but if the person with the child isn't the child's mum... then "lets sit you on mums lap" makes no sense to the child... so it isn't putting the child at ease.

agree nannynick, but i was speaking in the wider context of the argument

tbh i don't think i'd be soooo bothered about 'let you sit on mum's lap', it kinda falls into a greyer area, although i would prefer 'your mum'. what i object to is 'come here, mum, sit here, mum, hold her arm, mum' etc. i'm not the nurse's mum.

i really don't buy that it makes my child more comfortable to hear me called 'mum' by an adult. no one in the world calls me mum but she and her sister. and like nannynick says, if they're wrong, then it's even more confusing. so why not either read the notes or just drop it altogether?

'let you sit on Mum's lap' is fine as the speaker is clearly referring to ds's Mum. Addressing me as Mum is the issue.

Wouldn't comfort ds at all, would just confuse him that an adult is calling me Mum, especially as he doesn't call me Mum at all. It's Mummy or he's recently taken to calling me Mumma.

I get called Ms DPsSurname all the time and it really doesn't bother me! Much, much less bothersome than being called "Mum".

Milly,i posted earlier that lots of forms within the NHS do have...patients preferred name,whether that is a full name,nickname,middle name,unformalised name change or one that they have decided to use for that day.

If there is a box to fill in a conversation should really take place about what address the person prefers.

Sidetrack thought though,do people think that the formal titles of Mr,Mrs,Miss are fading away,people to tends to be much more informal with names,a child is fairly likely to call the lady next door etc by her first name than Mrs x.

Yanbu. I'm a nurse and a mum and I object to being called mum by people who are not my children. It is condescending and unnecessary.

Another side track what do people think of addressing the nurse by the christian name when they have requested to be addressed formally? I find this uncomfortable as well as it implies a certain familiarity that I do not feel is equal so just wondering what others think?

Nellie, that would be very odd. If Nurse Smith told me to call her Nurse Smith, I wouldn't call her Karen or whatever - as long as she returned the favour and called me Ms Edam (would even accept Mrs Edam although I don't choose to be a Mrs in everyday life).

Profiterole, that research rings a bell... amazing that surgeons STILL regularly hack the wrong leg off, even when it's marked with blue pen.

One trust I know managed to confuse two patients in the waiting room, gave one the hysterectomy meant for the other. Amazingly they got away with it by - goodness, who would have guessed - finding something that meant she would have needed a hysterectomy anyway. I imagine if the notes were subjected to forensic analysis, they'd find that bit had been added later...

I dont like it. Yes I have had a very seriously ill child who was in and out of hospital for two years before she died. Being called Mum by HCPs was very annoying. I dont think I was being self absorbed. I took the trouble to remember names and address people correctly. I do not see why a nurse that saw me 3 days out of 7 for 6 weeks in a row could not remember my name.

If my child was in hospital for a quick day op and a random HCP called me mum a couple of times, I wouldnt like it much but I would deal with it. When you virtually live in a bloody hospital being continually referred to as Mum is demoralising.

As a HCP AND a Mum I have to say this would not bother me in the least. It is not something I do though, mainly because I try to get to know the family's I am working with.

Isnt that the point though Jolly? You dont do it because you try and get to know the families you are working with. What does that say about the HCPs who do do it?

YABU IMO.
I do this in my job,and it isn't meant to condescend or make you feel inferior.Quite the opposite!
Look at Heartbeat and such like,and everyone is referred to as "Mrs -",so formal and clinical IMO.

Its designed to put you at ease and banish the formality.Most people complain that when they see a doctor they feel inhibited and can't ask questions.

Whereas with a nurse its usually more relaxed and informal,and this is how we try to achieve this.

I think it is very foolish to object to this, and quite rude to someone who is just trying to be "approachable".

rofl

Sawyer64, you can call me mum any time, I like it

none so blind as those who will not see, sawyer.

sawyer, you can't say it is foolish for people to object to this.

I mean, I think they're a bit nutz myself but surely you would consider calling people something else if they felt you were patronising thenm?

(Lordy, sometimes I curse my own wishy washy empathetic nature)

I cannot agree with you at all Sawyer. Many people dislike this form of address. There is informality and there is rudeness. I am very happy to be a mother but I do not expect to be addressed as one anymore than I would expect to be called 'wife'.

You may be under the illusion that your patient's parents are happy with it but I can assure you that very many hate it.

'very' foolish? Now that is patronising.

Actually, strangely, i like being called "mum" but it drives me NUTS when patients at work lean over and read my name badge and keep sticking my first name into conversation......not sure why!

(just musing)

IMO yes.

If someone objected I'd respect that,but I'd still think they were foolish.

Each to their own I guess.

I don't like it when I'm called "Sister" or "Nurse",too inpersonal.