To think that health professionals should not call me MUM

[Reallytired]

DD had her jabs today and the nurse kept on calling me "Mum" even though I said to her that I did not want her to call me "Mum". I told her that it was a biological impossiblity that I was her mother.

I have two children and I am happy for me to call me Mum, but I do have a proper name and I think health professionals should use it.

YANBU

I find i ask health professionals their name and introduce them to me and my name. Then if they call you "mum" just politely keep saying, but Y my name is X.

Secondly, could you tell the HCP that you hold a phd in rocket science, that way they could address you as doctor?

Thirdly, if you still keep getting addressed as "mum" you could escalate the situation by saying your name and adding a term of endearment

"but my name is X ...... , love."

You could also say - "look my dd who has always wanted more sisters / brothers - so please try not egg her on by addressing me as mum, it gets my dc over excited about the possibility of a long lost sibling."

and as regards this "I don't understand that comment Aitch- "Why would they use their mother's name to talk to you?"

it's because THEY call their mum MUM. it's not your name, it's their mother's title and role. your child calls you mum.

another good reason to look at the notes, which will contain her name, or err on the side of caution and say nothing.

exactly, snapple, drs don't expect other people to use formal titles.

Ooohhhh sorry to be so nosy lockets but what do your kids call you?

I always tell them to call me with my first name because i feel sorry for them. They are struggling to read my name and in the end they will pronounce it wrong anyway It is too long and too difficult for British speaking people.

They are calling you mum TO PUT YOUR CHILD AT EASE.

I don't know why people get so wound up about things that don't matter! When my DS was seriously ill in hospital I couldn't have cared less what the staff called me. I would agree with hambler, it was a frightening experience for my very young DS, and it was much more comforting for him to have me referred to as 'mummy' than Mrs xxxx.

YANBU it gets right on my nerves esp as every time I go I ask them to call me Dawn not mum.

As for putting my child at ease he's 18 weeks old so highly unlikely that would work.

NotDefinedByHerBiologicalRelationshipsTiggaxx

Rubbish, Hambler, ds knows perfectly well that other people don't call me Mum - it would sound bloody strange to him to have a doc or nurse pretending I am their mother.

There are plenty of discussions about this in medical and nursing journals - even if they are too stupid to work it out, they KNOW that it is patronising and yet carry on doing it anyway. Why would that be?

before i had children, hcp never addressed me as 'girlie' or 'woman' - why should they now call me 'mum'?

I don't like it, but don't get het up about it. Encounters with the NHS are mercifully brief!

Just out of interest, those of you who dislike being called 'mum', how would you prefer to be addressed? Mrs A/ Miss A, first names. How do you expect the HCP to know your name? Should they greet the child and then ask your name (as opposed to relationship with the child) too?

If the HCP is talking to DD, she can talk about "Your Mummy" and if she is talking to me she can call me "Ms Bonsoir"

yabvu.

it would never occur to me that being called "mum" in the situation described in the op was in anyway patronising, your dc know you as "mum" therefore it keeps them at ease.

Thx Anna but some women hate to be called Ms and a lot of women nowadays have different surnames to the child which the HCP professional will not know (unless they see your child v regularly). This is why it becomes quite confusing and 'mum' is much easier.

If you ask a hcp not to call you mum but X and they continue to call you mum then I simply can not see how this could be viewed as a hcp putting your child at ease, if it irks the mum.

It should not be too hard for a hcp and a patient/ mum to establish via a quick hello and exchange of names how they should address each other.

"i am very bored with the 'i don't care what they call me so long as they treat my child' line, tbh."

Aitch have you ever been in a life or death type situation with your children? I don't know your situation, you have said you are not dd's mum and it would be a phisical impossibility I haven't bothered reading through the entire thread to see if you have elaborated as to why, however as boring as it may seem to be only concerned with the care my children receive I feel that way because to me they are more imoprtant than me. Their health, welbeing self esteem and future are way more important to me than something this petty.

When dd (aged almost 3)was sick and in the space of 12 hrs we went from "we think she has mumps" to "She may need a heart, lung transplant" The very, very last thing on my mind was what I was being called, it was the most frightening time of my life. I think that would take the biscuit barrel for self absorbtion.

I'm sorry you find my point of view boring, but I find yours self absorbed and petty.

kitkatqueen - I think she meant it was a physical impossibility for her to be the nurse's mum.

I dont give a feck what they call me (unless it was oi, cow face or similar)- why would you care in the greater scheme of things? Ive never even really thought of it before.

I agree kitkatqueen-my DS was on oxygen with line of antibiotics straight into the vein,while they investigated what might be wrong with him. We were all very frightened, I don't know whether it was comforting or not for DS to have me referred to as 'mummy' but I am perfectly sure that none of could have cared less!
If you are 'bored' by that line all I can say is that you are jolly lucky not to have been in the situation.
Luckily DS made a full recovery and I resolved never to worry about minor irritations again! What health officials call you is a very minor irritation.

I think being called Ms is far worse and my pet hate is having my DH referred to as my partner, but I appreciate that they don't have time to look at all these things and mum, Ms, partner is easier.

if every interaction with the NHS was a life or death situation, then maybe. but it isn't. there's plenty of time for the nurse at my GP's practice to look at my name when she looks at dd's name. it's right beside it.

but if she truly can't be bothered reading it out loud, she could just say 'follow me, please' rather than 'follow me, mum'. making out that every time you see the doctor it's life or death is a bit of a hijack, the OP's example was for her dd getting her jabs.

like edam said, given that this is discussed often in medical journals etc and people now know that it is a source of irritation for many, why do you think they still do it? if your husband is in getting a boil lanced would you expect to be addressed as 'wife'?

But on a scale of 1-10-does it really matter? It comes around number 2 with me, not something to make a stand about.

aitch;

i doubt any hcp would call you "wife" when you are with your dh, but calling you "mum" when you have your dc with you is fine imo.

there are far more important things to worry about.

Not only is it discussed in nursing journals, but since 2008 the BMA has requested that nurses stop addressing patients and relatives in an informal manner, because so many people find it offensive and/or distressing.

Research at Yale (by Levy) has shown that HCPs who speak to elderly people in a patronising manner by calling them by first names and terms such as 'sweetie', 'love' and 'dear' can shorten the patients' lives by 7.5 years because it infantilises them and makes the patient view themselves as incompetent and unworthy of respect. This psychological effect reduces their chances of coping with getting older, and is particularly bad for people with any kind of mental health problem such as alzheimer's because the person is already struggling with keeping hold of their sense of identity.

I would think similar issues would apply to mothers of young children, as such women often do struggle with feeling like they are losing their identity, post-natal depression, feel they are less competent than child work professionals and so on.

For people to dismiss this issue as trivial may represent the views of some nurses, but it does not represent the views of doctors, and this has been made clear by the BMA request. The reason this issue matters is because people are in life and death situations, and this makes people feel very vulnerable. I have been through this with both myself, my DS and my DH when me/they have been in hospital. I don't want any of us reduced to some generic term; we are individual people and should be treated with respect during treatment, illness and emergency.

There may very well be some people who want to be called 'mum', 'love' or 'sweetie' by a complete stranger just because the stranger has a uniform on, but then some women want to be called 'darling' when they walk past a building site. Most of us don't want to be patronised, so please stop. The suggestion that I should allow a nurse to call me whatever she likes just because she did her job by not allowing my child to die in hospital - well it is a disgusting and offensive suggestion.