To still be BF my 4-year-old?

[NaturalMama]

Sounds really bad in the title. My first post on here after lurking for a very long time. I'm also posting this in Breast/Bottle Feeding but figured this would attract some honest opinions as well.

I've started to get quite a few snarky comments and dirty looks when people hear that I'm still breastfeeding my eldest. These are not from mere strangers but from dear close friends and immediate family.

My eldest is 4.2, going into reception and he has had access to 'minty' ( his word) whenever he likes since birth. At the moment he currently has it after breakfast (and after I've fed his sister), in place of and/or just before or after his afternoon kip around 2pm, and just after tea. Sometimes more, sometimes just once. He is very excited about going to school but he's always been a very very shy boy and we've had talks about him not having minty during the day but he seems okay with it. I've never tried to get him to stop as I think if he asks for it, he obviously needs the comfort. He's never had a dummy/comforter and shows no interest in bartering minty time for toys, sweets, etc.

I had a baby when he was 2 who passed away at 4 months old. I do admit that feeding my eldest was just as comforting for me as it was for him during that time, and I felt it wasn't fair on him to go cold turkey when he was having an emotional time as well.

My youngest is just gone 7 months and she feeds about 5 times a day, obviously between when DS has a go.

Family is starting to tease DS about it saying he's not a big boy and his school friends will think he's silly. It's a private thing and we are always alone when we do it (apart from DD and DH) but family/friends ask me if I've stopped yet and I feel a bit huffy about it.

I know he's not getting anything nutritionally out of it, but can I ask the Mumsnet jury what you think? Is it harmless/comforting for him especially at a time of upheaval (i.e. sister being born, loss of second, starting school) or is it time to give it up and if so - how on earth do I go about doing this? It's not about me babying him as I have another baby I can happily feed for at least another two years!

i'd say you should start smoking pag-it is big and it is clever-and what about binge drinking and maybe swinging?
let us know how you get on with it all

I don't understand the point you're making about lactivism. You either think breastfeeding is important for mothers and babies, and you want society to change so that more mothers and babies can breastfeed, or you think breastfeeding doesn't matter, and therefore don't care about other people's choices.

Personally I do care about other people's negative feelings about me breastfeeding my older babies - when I was breastfeeding I was conscious of other people's disapproval and sometimes it made me feel awkward and inhibited. I'm only human. It's hard not to feel unsettled when you sense someone finds your behaviour shocking or disgusting.

I am too old for that - actually for all of those.

OP are you still there?

sabire

No. I think breastfeeding is important for my child so I do it.
I don't care what other people do. I don't care how others view me.

I think it would be great if everyone wanted to and could but I do not feel it is my job to convince them. I have bigger fish to fry

Thats all.

Every one commenting on the similarity between 'Minty'and 'Bitty' might like to consider that this is because Little Britain have cleverly chosen a name which fits with those names chosen by many families and/or children who get to the point of having a specific word for nursing. It certainly fits with names I've heard used..

oh i dunno there was an article in TaB (that's take a break for the uninitiated) about a lady turning to glamma moggelling when she was in her 50's and erm very pretty she looked too...you should totally go for it...

'Feel really depressed by the idea expressed repeatedly on this thread that the correct response to bullying is to conform as closely as possible to the norm in the hope that the bullies will find somebody else to pick on.'

But some of us are pointing out that if it is a possible scenario, then the OP has to prepare her child and herself to be confident enough to face the negative responses and pull through them, not kowtow to the norm. And she's finding it hard enough with her own family.
Different case, but in response to sabire:

'I was conscious of other people's disapproval and sometimes it made me feel awkward and inhibited. I'm only human. It's hard not to feel unsettled when you sense someone finds your behaviour shocking or disgusting.'

When my Aspie is in full meltdown, or wildly stimming, or behaving like himself in the NT world, I feel like this, with everyone's eyes judging...and often their gobs too. But I know that how I do things is the best way for him, and he cannot conform to the norm.
So we have strategies and plans and ways to deal with the world's disapproval. And he's involved and active in that, because we won't back down in front of disapproval or bullying. But nor would we expect the world to conform to our own specifications either.
That's how reasonable societies work, compromise and adaptation.

Sabire, do you really not understand the point I'm making?

I think this is quite fanatical

"You either think breastfeeding is important for mothers and babies, and you want society to change so that more mothers and babies can breastfeed, or you think breastfeeding doesn't matter, and therefore don't care about other people's choices."

I think breastfeeding is important, but it's not all or nothing!!! There are plenty of other factors to consider. I think formula does the job very well.

Feelings of being judged work both ways. I know a girl who felt so embarrassed at formula feeding her baby that she lied and said it was expressed milk.

So in my view, a bigger problem than society's shock at breastfeeding a four year old, is society's rush to judge other people.

I would be surprised to see a four year old with a bottle of formula as well.

But sometimes, psoters who argue passionately that breastfeeding a four year old is actually totally appropriate and then support it with links and data, and then demonise mine and others' pov that it's a little strange, they do themselves no favours in their CAUSE.

I breastfed both of mine.
Stayed away from BF zealots and LLL and the like. Far too virtuous and high-minded for me and I didn't want to meet their exacting standards 24/7/52.

I haven't had a chance to read all of these posts, but just wanted to say I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. It is unlikely that your DS will mention this to people at school, because it is a private family thing that is unlikely to come up in conversation. Moreover, it would be difficult for him to describe exactly what 'minty' is even if he wanted to.

"I think breastfeeding is important, but it's not all or nothing!!!"

I suppose in saying 'it's not all or nothing' you are implying that people who think that breastfeeding is important for babies believe that all children should be fed until they are four or something? Maybe that's why you use the word 'fanatical'? I have said nothing to imply that I think that, have I?

"There are plenty of other factors to consider. I think formula does the job very well."

What job?

It doesn't mimic the experience of breastfeeding for babies, although it adequately supports growth and development , in the main. Even so, thousands of babies in the UK end up being hospitalised from lack of breastmilk and all babies who are not breastfed miss out on the protection nature intended for them at the point in their life when they are most vulnerable to infection, so I think it's a debatable point that 'formula does the job very well'.

"Feelings of being judged work both ways. I know a girl who felt so embarrassed at formula feeding her baby that she lied and said it was expressed milk."

Yes - agree that non-breastfeeding mums do often feel judged, which is sad.

"But sometimes, psoters who argue passionately that breastfeeding a four year old is actually totally appropriate and then support it with links and data,"

I agree with you that bf a four year old in the UK is 'strange' in the sense that socially it's a very uncommon. This is because the vast majority of babies today are weaned unusually early (in historical and biological terms). I think it's fair enough for people to want to support their view that natural term weaning is both healthy and developmentally normal, by providing links to research, don't you?

"and then demonise mine and others' pov that it's a little strange, they do themselves no favours in their CAUSE."

Apologies - I have not read the whole thread, so have missed the posts which 'demonise' other people's choices. Which ones do you mean?

I am interested in just what age everyone stops breast feeding, so i am going to start a thread asking this. So please add your own experiences. Will be in chat.

Formula does do the job actually.

We all know that breastfeeding is nutritionally superior, but there are other factors that people are entitled to consider when making the decision about how to feed their child.

I welcome an environment where people can say, do you know what, I'm going to use formula actually.

Poop, I stopped at 13 months with dc1 and 11 months with dc2.

Breastfeeding is not superior to bottle feeding.

Breast feeding is the normal way to feed a baby so there is nothing superior or special about it.

"Formula does do the job actually"

What job? Protecting babies from infection?

My breastfed baby got chicken pox at ten months. He also developed eczema before I'd even finished feeding him....

Formula does the job of feeding a child.

You're wasting your breath trying to argue with me though. I breastfed my kids, so what more can I 'give'. Just total agreement with you I guess; that breastfeeding a four year old is not only perfectly acceptable, but actually ideal.

I'll never think that. So I'll just say good night now.

For FUCKS SAKE - can you women not HONESTLY support a person who asks about something outside the norm without thinking it's a bloody troll?

FUCKING RIDICULOUS. I needn't have bothered. I hear all the time how supportive and lovely MN is and after sitting back with trepidation for MONTHS I choose to post, trying to be friendly and ask for honest opinions? What the hell?

Minty? Why? Who the fuck knows? Why do toddlers call dummies binkies and pacis and (in one case I know of) ya-ya's?

I can't believe some of you are so heartless. Don't know what to say really. Shocked.

Just wanted to post somewhat calmer after that. Noticed that most of the latest replies have been back to the point. Post above was meant for rude 'troll-pointing' twats.

sabire " "that it is just a comforter - like a dummy, which we all felt was completely unnecessary for a child of that age"

Errr, are babies over one not supposed to need comfort then? "

I was making the point that a dummy is unnecessary for a four-year-old, not that children of that, or indeed any, age, do not need comfort. I just don't see why it is necessary to whip your boob out to comfort your child when a kiss and a cuddle and a chat will do extremely well. You lactivists seem to think that those of us who don't breastfeed, for whatever reason, seem to be denying our children emotionally as well as nutritionally.

I beat myself up over my inability to breastfeed properly, but two unspeakably sore nipples and one screaming, starving and miserable infant later, I was only too grateful that formula was available to fill his tummy and help him thrive. Formula does do the job, and while it might not have all the nutritional benefits of breastmilk, formula-fed babies are fine. They put on weight, they grow and they are still loved and cuddled and adored by their mothers just as much as those who are breastfed.

And, frankly, I think that those who continue to breastfeed long after it is nutritionally necessary are doing it more for their own benefit than their child's.

naturalmama, I might disagree with you about the breastfeeding, but I definitely don't think you are a troll!

''Feel really depressed by the idea expressed repeatedly on this thread that the correct response to bullying is to conform as closely as possible to the norm in the hope that the bullies will find somebody else to pick on.'

While I agree with this in theory, I think that it is silly to set your DC up as being very different-I like to ease the path for mine by not giving them unnecessary problems. I wouldn't let them wander around with a dummy at 4yrs (although people do),I certainly wouldn't give them a drink in a bottle and equally I wouldn't bf.

sorry, NM you are not adding up. at all.