To still be BF my 4-year-old?

[NaturalMama]

Sounds really bad in the title. My first post on here after lurking for a very long time. I'm also posting this in Breast/Bottle Feeding but figured this would attract some honest opinions as well.

I've started to get quite a few snarky comments and dirty looks when people hear that I'm still breastfeeding my eldest. These are not from mere strangers but from dear close friends and immediate family.

My eldest is 4.2, going into reception and he has had access to 'minty' ( his word) whenever he likes since birth. At the moment he currently has it after breakfast (and after I've fed his sister), in place of and/or just before or after his afternoon kip around 2pm, and just after tea. Sometimes more, sometimes just once. He is very excited about going to school but he's always been a very very shy boy and we've had talks about him not having minty during the day but he seems okay with it. I've never tried to get him to stop as I think if he asks for it, he obviously needs the comfort. He's never had a dummy/comforter and shows no interest in bartering minty time for toys, sweets, etc.

I had a baby when he was 2 who passed away at 4 months old. I do admit that feeding my eldest was just as comforting for me as it was for him during that time, and I felt it wasn't fair on him to go cold turkey when he was having an emotional time as well.

My youngest is just gone 7 months and she feeds about 5 times a day, obviously between when DS has a go.

Family is starting to tease DS about it saying he's not a big boy and his school friends will think he's silly. It's a private thing and we are always alone when we do it (apart from DD and DH) but family/friends ask me if I've stopped yet and I feel a bit huffy about it.

I know he's not getting anything nutritionally out of it, but can I ask the Mumsnet jury what you think? Is it harmless/comforting for him especially at a time of upheaval (i.e. sister being born, loss of second, starting school) or is it time to give it up and if so - how on earth do I go about doing this? It's not about me babying him as I have another baby I can happily feed for at least another two years!

Well, I didn't want to say earlier but I thought the posters choice of name, and the closeness of Minty to Bitty was a bit

It seems like a fishing post for an article...so not malevolent trolling.

But I may be wrong.

Well, why don't I ask?

OP - why "Minty"?

Oh you're joking - this is a troll?? FFS. I spent ages on here, neglecting my bloody chores. Grr...

Well if not journo, student, whatever. Just fishy, fishing imo.

what makes me think OP is a troll? - every single comment in the OP! the whole lot.

If I am wrong then I will take it back but as far as I am concerned someone is taking the piss big time.IMHO, of course.

I don't think it is a troll. But having fed DD so late I think it is pretty hard to get to age 4 without genuinely knowing how you feel about it and truly not giving a flying fuck what anyone thinks.

(its why the 'lactivists' thing always makes me laugh. I don't care if other people bf or not. I don't give a toss what anyone else thinks about my breast feeding choices so why on earth would I care about theirs)

Naturalmama - so sorry for your loss.

It sounds to me as though you are doing brilliantly with feeding. As you have come so far I would be very inclined to let him self-wean when he is ready rather than forcing the issue.

However, I completely understand how wearing it is having to deal with others' negative feelings on this. I think it is very unlikely that your ds would talk about it at school so the bullying thing is probably a red herring. The question you need to ask is whether you can withstand the abuse without it getting you down. Looking at some of the responses here I should think you will have a pretty good idea by the time this thread finishes.

Doesn't sound like a troll to me

I can't see any reason for OP being a troll, I would have thought that lots of people could have written the post.
I think everyone is looking at it from the mother's point of view and not the DCs. I should keep it a secret from any future DIL! Since so many people on mumsnet seem to hate their MIL, I can just see the posts in 20/30 years time complaining about MIL and saying 'and she was still bfing DH when he went to school!!' and everyone will sympathise with DIL!

I should have put a next to my last post-don't take it seriously!

naturalmama I am very sorry for the loss of your baby - it must have been terrible.

I hesitate to give my opinion, since I'm sure I'm going to be shot down in flames, but here it is, straight from the school gates. Speaking as someone who is pro-breastfeeding, but was never any good at it (twice), if circumstances had permitted I would have stopped myself by the time weaning was well under way, and certainly by a year. I truly cannot understand why anybody would want to continue breastfeeding beyond a year, never mind to four years. I asked around my circle of friends today, after reading your question, and all of us, successful and unsuccessful breastfeeders alike, felt that there was absolutely no need for it beyond a year (I appreciate that most of you who have posted here will disagree) and that it is just a comforter - like a dummy, which we all felt was completely unnecessary for a child of that age, no matter how shy. It's great that it makes you and your child happy, but frankly, if one of my friends did it, I would think it a bit weird. I do think that going to school is the time to stop - other children are perfectly capable of being absolutely horrible if they detect "difference" whether it's still being breastfed at four or eating tuna sandwiches, and the less ammunition you give them, the better.

PrincessT, for me a troll is someone who has constructed a scenario for a desired effect. This one seems constructed. It is irrelevant to us (really) what the desire is. There have been trolls in the past who look for sympathy, for example, not for something to kick off.

Blondissimo: I am clearly not as generous and forgiving as you are. I don't give the avg journo that much credit.

ttalloo, like you and your friends, I felt that there was absolutely no need for it after a year, but as it turned out dd felt differently.

Feel really depressed by the idea expressed repeatedly on this thread that the correct response to bullying is to conform as closely as possible to the norm in the hope that the bullies will find somebody else to pick on.

NaturalMama, my 4 year old is starting school in september too. I stopped bf him last year because I was very ill. I so wish I could have continued longer. I would have been happy to still be feeding him now, as he starts school. I hope you and your boy can continue to breastfeed happily as long as you both wish.

"I don't give a toss what anyone else thinks about my breast feeding choices so why on earth would I care about theirs)"

If you see this issue as being primarily about the health and welfare of the most vulnerable members of our society, then you are going to care that most women in the UK don't bf their babies for more than a few weeks. In other words - you can't help caring about other people's choices when you see this as more than a 'lifestyle' issue.

Donnie, I agree, Minty is too close to bitty. Has he been watching little britain this 4 yo?!

"that it is just a comforter - like a dummy, which we all felt was completely unnecessary for a child of that age"

Errr, are babies over one not supposed to need comfort then?

Older babies breastfeed because they like it, it makes them feel close to their mothers, and because breastmilk is a better and more appropriate drink for them nutritionally than any other.

I breastfed all three from between 18 months to two and a half years. They didn't come to the breast because they were shy, but because breastfeeding was a nice experience for them, as it was for me.

I feel sorry for children who miss out on the comfort and pleasure of breastfeeding.

I think the journalist already has her angle, that beneath extended breastfeeding there is a gap or a hole in the woman's own life. I'd be inclined to agree with that. But i still think it's a bit disingenuous to fake a really tragic story like this.

ANd if it is genuine then I'm really sorry Naturalmama. If you're genuine, it's the number of journalists around on mn making you doubt you, more than your one OP in isolation makes me doubt you, iyswim.

sabire

I have one of the 'most vulnerable members of our society' to look after 24/7. I am doing my best for my children. I will help anyone that I can when I can, and i have answered any negative notions that have been expressed on here based on my experience.
But I am not going to try and convince those on here who think that feeding late is odd or terrible that they should do the same as I have.

If thats OK

yabu. Its odd and a bit gross imo, and much more to do you your needs than your dc's

sorry if that's against the 'flow', but I would be astonished if any of the mothers in ds3's reception class were still breast feeding their school age children

Maggie
any ideas what the gap or hole in my life may be....

I couldn't say pagwatch, what age is the child your breastfeeding?