To still be BF my 4-year-old?

[NaturalMama]

Sounds really bad in the title. My first post on here after lurking for a very long time. I'm also posting this in Breast/Bottle Feeding but figured this would attract some honest opinions as well.

I've started to get quite a few snarky comments and dirty looks when people hear that I'm still breastfeeding my eldest. These are not from mere strangers but from dear close friends and immediate family.

My eldest is 4.2, going into reception and he has had access to 'minty' ( his word) whenever he likes since birth. At the moment he currently has it after breakfast (and after I've fed his sister), in place of and/or just before or after his afternoon kip around 2pm, and just after tea. Sometimes more, sometimes just once. He is very excited about going to school but he's always been a very very shy boy and we've had talks about him not having minty during the day but he seems okay with it. I've never tried to get him to stop as I think if he asks for it, he obviously needs the comfort. He's never had a dummy/comforter and shows no interest in bartering minty time for toys, sweets, etc.

I had a baby when he was 2 who passed away at 4 months old. I do admit that feeding my eldest was just as comforting for me as it was for him during that time, and I felt it wasn't fair on him to go cold turkey when he was having an emotional time as well.

My youngest is just gone 7 months and she feeds about 5 times a day, obviously between when DS has a go.

Family is starting to tease DS about it saying he's not a big boy and his school friends will think he's silly. It's a private thing and we are always alone when we do it (apart from DD and DH) but family/friends ask me if I've stopped yet and I feel a bit huffy about it.

I know he's not getting anything nutritionally out of it, but can I ask the Mumsnet jury what you think? Is it harmless/comforting for him especially at a time of upheaval (i.e. sister being born, loss of second, starting school) or is it time to give it up and if so - how on earth do I go about doing this? It's not about me babying him as I have another baby I can happily feed for at least another two years!

I get the nutritional arguments, they just don't change my view, because there's more to the child's world than just nutrition... other things will affect a child's wellbeing and development.

Fitting in for one. There is a happy medium... Being breastfed at 4 is not in the overall best interest of a child in this part of the world where MALnutrition isn't an issue.

But I'm sure it's all been said on this thread already.

Lactivists do make me laugh (kindly, not nastily)

Tanee58, I hear you, honestly, I believe that it's better, but decisions have to be weighed up against eachother.

Maybe I am a sheep, maybe if EVERYBODY breast fed 'til 4 it would be alright, but in this World, the one I actually live in, the 'norm' of breastfeeding to between 9and 12 months seems right to me. I did that twice and was fine with stopping both times, but I've read that stopping made people sad. I thought I might feel a bit sad when I stopped BFing youngest child but I was punching the air.

MBV - i'm assuming the WHO (that's W for World, as in the whole planet, not just the ones where clean water is an issue) recommendation to breastfeed until at least 2 won't sway you either?

BTW, I'm not a "lactivist". Can't bear that term.

Not quite sure what you're point is..

I am not swayed no. I appreciate that it's nutritionally superior, but my kids are being brought up in this World around me, they're not malnurished, I have access to healthy food... I personally am HAPPY with the 'norm' of Breastfeeding we have, 9 to 12 months, so why would I try to push back the boundaries of what's considered acceptable?

I wish I had breast-fed mine for longer.I stopped at 1yr and 7mnths. As soon as they get past the 6 month stage I found family and strangers started asking me when I would start weaning. Wish I'd had strength to do it for several years at least.

As he's going to school I would only give minty at bedtime with story etc. Then I'd increase the gaps between the days, substituing with favourite night-time drink instead, until eventually he stops asking.

I don't think you should stop altogether because of school. I really don't think (because the others are ulikely to have same experience) it will come up in conversation. I agree that school could come to be seen as something negative.

Children tend to mature quickly once they start school anyway and I'll bet he'll naturally stop asking for minty. Mine used to kiss me on the cheek in public, but once they started school, they didn't think it was cool anymore!

pseudoname - I thought exactly that when I first read post, but I changed my mind as I don't think even a desperate journalist would feel the need to include a story about the death of a baby.
I feel very guilty that I thought that and I am sorry NaturalMama.
I hope that you are able to get some helpful information from the responses on here .

I can hear it now 'you suck your mums boobies haha'

To the person who asks do they talk about boobs at school, well it is not a name I have mentioned, but both my DS's have mentioned the word lots of times. So it will happen and it won't be in the context of breast feeding as he gets older.

blondissimo/pseudoname, I wondered the same about the thread about twins reunited having an incestuous relationship a few nights ago. I posted on it very sympathetic to op, until I realised that the circumstances matched the ones in the thread 'I don't love my daughter' a little to closely. I wanted to 100% believe the op of 2nd thread, and I did 99% percent believe it, but doubt was there I'm afraid... I could just see a journo throwing both threads out there, a day apart, to get two different angles to one harrowing story.

maggie - was the i dont love my daughter one a troll?

I was sure it was genuine....

but then, lo and behold, 48 hours later, along comes a thread about a woman who's just discovered her twin brother and sister are in an incestuous relationship. I 100% believed that until half way through the thread,and then I'm afraid to say that a little bleep went off in my head.

boy/girl twins, mother rejected the girl twin in both cases but kept the boy, so they were brought up in different homes..

look how it can all go wrong?!?!?!

That is just a seed of doubt. If I had to vote believe or disbelieve, I think I'd still say believe, but there is a bit of doubt there now.

Am I a miserable ol' cynic...?

aah I see. Yes, I can see your point and would have thought the same. Is the twin incestuous thread still around so I can have a read. is it in chat?

I can not imagine what you went through losing a child. As said by other posters at the time BF was probably a comfort to you.

However (HM dons bullet/flame proof outerwear and hard hat)...I do think YABU Your child is 4 and nearly ready to start school, he does not need or should not want breast milk.
Could you not introduce a cuddly toy or something which is special to him-maybe a shopping trip to pick said toy after a conversation of 'Minty' being for babies.

Obviously only you can decide what is best for you and your son.
But you asked for opinions and mine is that it is wrong for a child of his age to still be BF, when would it stop?

Before anyone shouts I am not anti BF

MaggieBelleVirgo, do you really think that breastfeeding until 9-12 months is the norm? In this country fewer than half of babies are breastfed past 6 weeks, and only 13% to 9 months, so it's not the norm at all. Sounds like you are defining "norm" as "what I did".

yes, completely unreasonable. Why are you even bothering to ask.

Trip trap IMO.

nohotashes, ok, i'm busted there, that's what I did and I don't know the stats, but, whilst I think that women should be encouraged to give it a go and to persevere beyond 6 weeks, tbh, the level of fanaticism I see on some lacty threads scares ME, and I did breastfeed for over two years in total! so it could be really counterproductive to try and 'sell' the benefits of breastfeeding a four year old to the whole population. That is just going to make the average reach-straight-for-the-formula-woman who didn't breastfeed at all shudder

sorry but I am just not convinced that the OP is kosher. 'Minty' indeed....