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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not understand why so many poor people... PART 2

1000 replies

nybom · 10/08/2009 11:59

As things have calmed down a little now, despite DH getting involved , I will try and explain once more what I meant to express by OP.

It boils down to:

I have noticed that in this society a lot of money is spent unwisely/for luxuries and increasingly so. This does indeed occur, as many of you have pointed out, regardless of level of income, throughout the social stratum. What I don't understand is, how the very poor people spend/are able to spend money on luxuries whilst compromising on the basic requirements (such as nutritious food for their children). The examples I mentioned were from my circle of friends, not generalisations.

I was bringing up examples from poor people because if a wealthy person fritters his income away for luxuries it doesn?t affect basic requirements such as food, (at least I have never ever come across anybody), however if you don't have any money to spend, it does.

Before you get enraged, I'm not addressing poor people as a whole, I don?t mean disabled people or people with poor health (mental or physical), nor people made redundant, nor women (or men) left by their partners, or any one else who unexpectedly and by now fault of his or her own has got him- or herself into that situation. Neither do I mean poor people who indulge themselves with their own saved money or money given to them by someone else.

I don't think it is fair that MNs stereotype "the rich", and have a go at them. But how dare anyone say anything negative about "the poor". That is hypocritical.

I only listed how I spend my money to demonstrate that it can be done, not to say how ?great? I am. If I can do it anybody can.

Please don?t make any assumptions what I do or not do in RL to actively help make things better and support people in need...
And I have a great life, thank you, and not a boring one, either. But curiosity is human nature (just look at the topics of women?s magazines, don?t any of you buy those?), and if you walk through life with open eyes, you just notices things. Also, my academic background is in sociology, so I have a genuine interest in wanting to understand why people do what they do. No finger pointing or accusing intended.

Finally, I?d like to respond to some specific points which have been repeatedly been raised:

RE car engine: it is an absolute myth that it is cheaper to leave the engine on rather than turn it off and on again a short while later (ask any car mechanic). In some countries you risk a fine if you don?t turn your engine off at (certain) traffic lights/road works! They?re not doing that for the sake of it. It?s just unnecessary pollution and a waist of money! It is not a matter of ?treating yourself? if the husband waits in the car with running engine and the wife goes shopping in a supermarket (and it is not extremely cold or hot (aircon))! It?s just stupid. I don?t imply you should turn your engine off at stop and go traffic jams, but those where you come to a standstill, where after 2 or 3 minutes of nothing happening it would be wise to turn the engine off (even if you had to turn it on again in 1 minute it would save money). Same with ?popping in? at shops/dropping friend of etc...

RE kids parties: there?s nothing wrong with kids parties per se! Of course it's nice to create something fun for them. But why have branded accessories right down to the bags the kids take home? Again, extra expenditures and extra waste. A nice party isn?t made nice by spending loads! A (simple) selfmade cake (not one of those branded one with loads of artificial colouring, ugh), and a couple of party games is all the children need to be really really HAPPY. The bags are thrown away, as are most of the contents, it is cheeper and easier to use kitchen towel or plastic bags for sandwhiches plus you can choose what you put in the bags.

RE cut fruit: It is still absolutely beyond me why you would spend twice as much money (or more) for precut fruit (not tins!) if you could easily cut it yourself, particulary if you are poor and only have a 5 pound shopping budget.

The UK has become a very materialistic society (but that is a different topic), maybe I just recognise it more as I?m from a different cultural background.

OP posts:
PeachyLaPeche · 11/08/2009 21:02

CK is a person with a life lightweight

josiejo79 · 11/08/2009 21:04

letthemeatcake - That is a fantastic idea and one that i annoyingly didn't think of when i was 34 weeks pregnant. Probably would be a bit of a luxury and a waste of money for me to purchase one now at 39+1 but i reckon you could design a flash pregnancy one and take it on to Dragons Den.

curiositykilled · 11/08/2009 21:09

letthemeatcake - yes, can I have some too? I'm 28 weeks with twins, my other 2 DC are also seemingly unable to pick up own stuff.

I am not poor now, I am married SAHM with top-rate tax paying husband but have been both a single parent on benefits and homeless for a couple of years. Nybom has not clarified whether or not I am deserving but someone else said I was OK as long as I didn't share my wealth with the poor.

I would like to share with you the majorly pregnant woman's ode to mashed potato I just made up:

'Oh mashed potato,
Why does the eating of you go on and on?
It will now take forever to get to the sticky toffee pudding reward.'

preciouslillywhite · 11/08/2009 21:11

Sorry I can't find the/any racist stuff (but I did skim a nice recipe!)...I'm looking at aomething else and desperate for a wee so as I said can't give this the time it prob needs and so will go for a wee and then shut my pie hole...

I did read the op tho and I'm a bit about your background in sociology...did this study not involve any analysis of poverty in a materialistic capitalist society

WhatFreshHellIsThis · 11/08/2009 21:16

Wonder if this has been marked OTW down at MNHQ yet?

nybom, you are getting a roasting, and some of it isn't very fair, but you did start a second thread which was a bit daft considering how the other one ended. I would bow out gracefully, if I were you, acknowledging that there has been a fundamental breakdown in communication here.

curiositykilled · 11/08/2009 21:17

DH has just described the puddings as "sticky little monkeys"

curiositykilled · 11/08/2009 21:23
LetThemEatCake · 11/08/2009 21:25

am so jealous of pudding, and of fact that your DH is there to get it for you. My DH is currently o/s in a city that I've always wanted to visit with a well-known chef/ TV personality for work ... so no doubt eating fabulously.

I love your ode. Not so keen on mashed potato however.

preciouslillywhite · 11/08/2009 21:27

who's the chef?? clue! clue!

curiositykilled · 11/08/2009 21:28

letthemeatcake - yes my DH is lovely even if he does inflict the mashed potato on me... at least I get pudding if I eat it.

You're DH is terribly inconsiderate! lol...

He should have arranged for another well known chef/TV personality to fill in for him at home while he's away.

LetThemEatCake · 11/08/2009 21:32

this is the 3rd o/s job he's done with this (young, geezer-ish - enough clues??) chef during the course of this pregnancy and do you think he's come home with one single good recipe/ meal for me?? HA!! Oh yes- the proper way to do a steak, great - I am a vegan!!!!

TBH, my diet is so kooky and restrictive that I doubt any chef worth his salt would want a bar of me

congrats on your twins by the way, how exciting!! 4 dcs will be ace

curiositykilled · 11/08/2009 21:38

Thank you! Can't wait for them to be born twin pregnancy is a bit hard going! Ahh yes, rick stein... I know him Think you should get your hubby's new pal to come and cook you a meal as payment for you allowing him to be borrowed during your pregnancy. Any chef worth his salt should be able to accommodate you!

curiositykilled · 11/08/2009 21:41

NOW! I must away to bed... perhaps I will consume some more shop bought pudding on the way... Unfortunately my fruit is not cut already but perhaps I can get DH to cut it for me

curiositykilled · 11/08/2009 21:43

Much love to all new mums and pregnant ones, don't let nybom upset you. Perhaps you could put it down to the possibility that English might be not her first language x

FAQtothefuture · 11/08/2009 22:05
LetThemEatCake · 11/08/2009 22:21

I have to admit, I don't see why ANYONE buys pre-cut fruit, regardless of income/ trust fund/ whatever.

Unless you are out & about with dcs and buying it as a snack. But I can't see the point of it as a take-home purchase?

K999 · 11/08/2009 22:23

I buy it all the time! Great for lunch boxes, as a healthy alternative to sweets. And I cant be arsed peeling my own fruit. Its such a faff...

UndomesticHousewife · 11/08/2009 22:24

No one on here is being racist. I have not read anything that is remotely racist and believe me I would not tolerate it at all, nor would the vast majority of MNetters.
MN HQ would never tolerate any racism on here.

I have been on and off MN for YEARS and during that time I have come across a lot of people from all different countries on here - there has never been a problem, and quite rightly as there never should be.

No one wants to know where you are from so that they can attack you personally, the curiosity stems from your own comments re the benefits system in that country.

However, too much has been made of where Nybom is from, it doesn't matter and it should be dropped, if she doesn't want to say then that is her decision as long as she knows that racism plays no part in it.

FAQtothefuture · 11/08/2009 22:24

well I must admit it was nice to have a couple of grapes and melon - things I wouldn't usually buy because of the cost (and the grapes always either go off before they're eaten - or else DS3 polishes the lot in one day)

LetThemEatCake · 11/08/2009 22:27

ah, I think I quite enjoy preparing fruit. Therapeutic.

And god, my kids can get through grapes like you wouldn't believe. It's lovely, what with the smallest one still being in nappies and all [retch emocion]

UndomesticHousewife · 11/08/2009 22:29

And it's not 'coloured people' some might consider that racist

everythingistaken · 11/08/2009 22:43

only read few posts and got bored and at o.p for starting it again.

o.p what a sad life you must lead being bitter about what you call" poor people", if all what you call "rich people" are like you,i'm happy i am not one of you.

ElieRM · 11/08/2009 22:59

i just think its all got beyond a joke. nybom is purposefully rather vague in what she says so it is easy to defend herself by claiming she didn't mean what she's said when called into account. the whole f/ff thing; claimed only one per cent of women were physically incapapble of breastfeeding and a 'few more per cent' may have genuine reasons for not breatfeeding. when it was pointed out that the number of women who ff not through choice was much higher than a few per cent and that it was an emotive topic she claied it was emotive for her too. then claimed she'd covered all the women wh o couldn't breastfeed with her few more per cent, despite the fact the numbers are much higher then that. then claimed she only used statistics to back up what she said because no one would listen to her personal expereience. despite publishing her experience after the statistics. its irrelevant. she wants to cause bother. i implore you, if a third thread is published, please ignore it. i have been seriosuly upset by the bf business, i should back off and stop posting but because of how things wre with my experiences i find it hard to let it lie. PLEASE nybom, let it go. point taken.

juicyjolly · 11/08/2009 23:08

curiosity.....why in the hell do you waffle on about getting this thread finished and that you cant wait for it to end......do you have some sort of problem?
You seem to get very confused at times. One minute its 'fill the thread to get it finished' over and over again. Who are you to decide when a thread is over?

Once it started up again you had to stick your oar in. Then, surprise,surprise, off you go again about wishing this thread would end. Can you not just move on and maybe start one of your own or just find something that might genuinly interest you.
It seems you enjoy a bit of shit stirring, (you think she owes an apology to so and so......who the hell do you think you are?)sad I know, but learn to know when to move on.

Stayingsunnygirl · 11/08/2009 23:09

Do you have CAT, Elie? If you do, I will get it too, because I really want to get in touch with you and offer you support.

It is clear to me how much nybom has hurt you, and I would like to do what I can to make you feel a bit better. I could offer you a sneaky, unmumsnetty {{{hug}}}.

Please don't let nybom get to you - you are a great mum, I'm sure, and you are doing the best you can for your child - and that is all that any of us can do.

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