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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not understand why so many poor people... PART 2

1000 replies

nybom · 10/08/2009 11:59

As things have calmed down a little now, despite DH getting involved , I will try and explain once more what I meant to express by OP.

It boils down to:

I have noticed that in this society a lot of money is spent unwisely/for luxuries and increasingly so. This does indeed occur, as many of you have pointed out, regardless of level of income, throughout the social stratum. What I don't understand is, how the very poor people spend/are able to spend money on luxuries whilst compromising on the basic requirements (such as nutritious food for their children). The examples I mentioned were from my circle of friends, not generalisations.

I was bringing up examples from poor people because if a wealthy person fritters his income away for luxuries it doesn?t affect basic requirements such as food, (at least I have never ever come across anybody), however if you don't have any money to spend, it does.

Before you get enraged, I'm not addressing poor people as a whole, I don?t mean disabled people or people with poor health (mental or physical), nor people made redundant, nor women (or men) left by their partners, or any one else who unexpectedly and by now fault of his or her own has got him- or herself into that situation. Neither do I mean poor people who indulge themselves with their own saved money or money given to them by someone else.

I don't think it is fair that MNs stereotype "the rich", and have a go at them. But how dare anyone say anything negative about "the poor". That is hypocritical.

I only listed how I spend my money to demonstrate that it can be done, not to say how ?great? I am. If I can do it anybody can.

Please don?t make any assumptions what I do or not do in RL to actively help make things better and support people in need...
And I have a great life, thank you, and not a boring one, either. But curiosity is human nature (just look at the topics of women?s magazines, don?t any of you buy those?), and if you walk through life with open eyes, you just notices things. Also, my academic background is in sociology, so I have a genuine interest in wanting to understand why people do what they do. No finger pointing or accusing intended.

Finally, I?d like to respond to some specific points which have been repeatedly been raised:

RE car engine: it is an absolute myth that it is cheaper to leave the engine on rather than turn it off and on again a short while later (ask any car mechanic). In some countries you risk a fine if you don?t turn your engine off at (certain) traffic lights/road works! They?re not doing that for the sake of it. It?s just unnecessary pollution and a waist of money! It is not a matter of ?treating yourself? if the husband waits in the car with running engine and the wife goes shopping in a supermarket (and it is not extremely cold or hot (aircon))! It?s just stupid. I don?t imply you should turn your engine off at stop and go traffic jams, but those where you come to a standstill, where after 2 or 3 minutes of nothing happening it would be wise to turn the engine off (even if you had to turn it on again in 1 minute it would save money). Same with ?popping in? at shops/dropping friend of etc...

RE kids parties: there?s nothing wrong with kids parties per se! Of course it's nice to create something fun for them. But why have branded accessories right down to the bags the kids take home? Again, extra expenditures and extra waste. A nice party isn?t made nice by spending loads! A (simple) selfmade cake (not one of those branded one with loads of artificial colouring, ugh), and a couple of party games is all the children need to be really really HAPPY. The bags are thrown away, as are most of the contents, it is cheeper and easier to use kitchen towel or plastic bags for sandwhiches plus you can choose what you put in the bags.

RE cut fruit: It is still absolutely beyond me why you would spend twice as much money (or more) for precut fruit (not tins!) if you could easily cut it yourself, particulary if you are poor and only have a 5 pound shopping budget.

The UK has become a very materialistic society (but that is a different topic), maybe I just recognise it more as I?m from a different cultural background.

OP posts:
FAQtothefuture · 11/08/2009 19:16

ahh with you now - you're right there is no "end of the month" situation - occasionally an "end of the week one - but not end of month

curiositykilled · 11/08/2009 19:17

I got weekly IS, TC and CHB every 4 weeks (staggered so there was a 2 week gap) and HB (old system) every 2 weeks. The 'end of the month' situation didn't really apply. Rent was paid monthly so sometimes before a HB cheque, sometimes after so there was never a regular 'end of the month' situation.

curiositykilled · 11/08/2009 19:19

frasers - if only the povs had your initiative

HecatesTwopenceworth · 11/08/2009 19:19

Nybom - re the racism.

What colour are the people on this thread?

What countries are they in - because not everyone on mn is posting from England you know.

What countries are they from, because not all of us are English you know.

Don't try to play the race card, honey. you make yourself look foolish.

josiejo79 · 11/08/2009 19:26

NYBOM why won't you answer my question??

y josiejo79 Tue 11-Aug-09 18:38:11 Add a message | Report post | Contact poster
I wasn't aware that people could get chronic illnesses through not being BF and that these could have been preventable. I appreciate that you probably don't want to tell anyone what this condition is, but i wonder if you could give some examples of what these Chronic medical conditions could be nybom?

ElieRM · 11/08/2009 19:29

i wold like to know what they are, as dd is ff and if she's at risk from anything i'd like to be aware what.

josiejo79 · 11/08/2009 19:30

I am also asking on a basis that i am due to give birth in the next 7 days (Hopefully) and would like to know if there is something that i am not aware of that could be fundamental to my future childs health. I am not trying to trick you or be clever.

Stayingsunnygirl · 11/08/2009 19:31

Well all three of mine were formula fed, ElieRM, and all three are fine healthy lads, with not a single on-going condition amongst them - unless you count teenage soap-dodging, answering back, falling off bikes and general untidiness!

curiositykilled · 11/08/2009 19:33

josie - wow! 7 days! Are you sure you want to be upsetting yourself on this thread?

josiejo79 · 11/08/2009 19:34

I was BF but my sisters weren't and i have by far the worst eyesight, asthma, excema (have no idea how it's spelt) and hayfever of the three of us. If there are other chronic conditions that can be given to a child that BF could prevent i would very much like to know this. Although i plan on trying to BF i know that this may not be feasible so want to keep my options open.

josiejo79 · 11/08/2009 19:35

Curiosity - I was actually hoping it might bring on the labour! It has certainly stopped me being bored out of my brain for the last few days, although DH is complaining that keeping an eye on the thread has taken over my life. Sure that will all change once the little one is born though!

curiositykilled · 11/08/2009 19:40

josie - lol! Yes, my DH is tolerating it too! I am only 28 weeks and whale like due to having two babies in there... Oh how I wish I were 7 days from labour Mumsnet is about all I can do atm but I have taken dd pot painting and to the park as well today so I'm doing well. We had to leave DS and DH behind cos one was working and the other was too naughty though Hope things go well for you.

josiejo79 · 11/08/2009 19:45

Curiosity - Was it DH or DS that was naughty?

nybom · 11/08/2009 19:47

re BF - i only knew it was an emotive subject (as in "it shouldn't be talked about") AFTER i posted OP (about PEOPLE I KNOW). so i wanted to stay clear of topic, until it was brought up by elie and others and i was pusehd into answering their posts! as you didn't give my personal experiences any credibility whatsoever i brought statistics into it.

josie - I WAS TALKING ABOUT FRIENDS/PEOPLE I KNOW, so i'm not making assumptions!

curiosity - now where did you get that idea from where i got my PhD from and what languages were required for it? it doesn't matter what i say, you don't believe a word i say anyway.

stop TWISTING my answers. it's pathetic and cowardly. you claim they offend you, that is merely because you don't READ! some come along halfway, and just join in at ranting. alone on this page you have twisted and assumed and phantasized, it is beyond belief. i'm not taking this seriously anymore.

starting to have fun here...

OP posts:
curiositykilled · 11/08/2009 19:47

Josie - I would speculate that the OP has crohns disease and is blaming her mother's ff for it. The link between the two is not clear. Nothing has been proven. There seems to be a much clearer link between maternal smoking and crohns disease in the child. The BF/FF link to Crohn's was popular in the 60's. I don't think it looks like anything to worry about.

nybom · 11/08/2009 19:52

josie - no. i don't have the time or the desire to search for other chronic conditions that can be prevented so you can rack your brain which one it might be. if it interests you so much, do it yourself.

OP posts:
josiejo79 · 11/08/2009 19:53

Nybom, If you were talking about friends and people that you know then you should have made that clear in the statement that you made re chosing to FF rather than BF. You didn't. Surely you can see why people might misconstrue what you say? Maybe I wrongly assumed that you meant people in general rather than people that you know, but you should be clearer.

You have still not answered the question that I asked re the chronic medical conditions that can be rectified by being BF.

Nice assumption, but for your information I have been following this thread since you started it again, and went back and read the original post that you made. I do not see how i have ranted at all, only asked a simple question that it has taken you more than an hour to actually respond to my post and then you haven't actually answered the question that i raised.

NanaNina · 11/08/2009 19:54

PLEASE PLEASE can everyone stop responding to Nybom. I think she is enjoying getting everyone wound up. All this talk of cakes and cut up fruit and now breast feeding thrown in for good measure is crazy.

Just be glad you are not nybom!!

All I have to say to her is "Live and Let Live"

sarah293 · 11/08/2009 19:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

flatcapandpearls · 11/08/2009 19:55

I am going to make a black forest gateau this week, there is a recipe here

I am going to buy ready pitted cherries and drink the remaining kirsch from the bottle neat.

josiejo79 · 11/08/2009 19:56

Then perhaps you shouldn't make statements on a board that you are not willing to back up or give more information on. I will do more research on this as it is simply not something that i have heard of before. And when i do find out anything, if there is anything to find out, then i will ElieRm know too as she has also expressed a mutual concern.

curiositykilled · 11/08/2009 19:57

josie - Think DS would've liked it to have been DH that was naughty and him that was working.

Nybom - As I see it, it is up to you to make yourself sound credible. It is not my job. You say a lot of things without effectively justifying any of them.

So far (IMO) you have directly attacked

  1. The poor
  2. Your friends
  3. Formula feeders
  4. Your mother
  5. Everyone from the UK

Have I forgotten anyone?

You can't expect to attack these people and them to be satisfied by a response which basically boils down to (IMO):

  1. Because you believe you are clever
  2. Because you are from a different culture

If you are going to assert either of these two things as reasons for your attacks then you should be prepared to back them up as arguments.

josiejo79 · 11/08/2009 19:58

Thanks Curiosity, at least someone understands that the question was out of concern and not in any way trying to belittle or manipulate.

curiositykilled · 11/08/2009 20:00

Have to say I agree with nana nina but I want this thread to get full up so no-one can be subjected to it anymore.

Stayingsunnygirl · 11/08/2009 20:00

Still no apology, though, Nybom.

Funnily enough I didn't expect one from you - and that says a whole lot about the way you have portrayed yourself on this thread.

If you had an ounce of conscience, you'd be apologising to Elie and KimbleTwins - but I am not holding my breath.

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