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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not understand why so many poor people... PART 2

1000 replies

nybom · 10/08/2009 11:59

As things have calmed down a little now, despite DH getting involved , I will try and explain once more what I meant to express by OP.

It boils down to:

I have noticed that in this society a lot of money is spent unwisely/for luxuries and increasingly so. This does indeed occur, as many of you have pointed out, regardless of level of income, throughout the social stratum. What I don't understand is, how the very poor people spend/are able to spend money on luxuries whilst compromising on the basic requirements (such as nutritious food for their children). The examples I mentioned were from my circle of friends, not generalisations.

I was bringing up examples from poor people because if a wealthy person fritters his income away for luxuries it doesn?t affect basic requirements such as food, (at least I have never ever come across anybody), however if you don't have any money to spend, it does.

Before you get enraged, I'm not addressing poor people as a whole, I don?t mean disabled people or people with poor health (mental or physical), nor people made redundant, nor women (or men) left by their partners, or any one else who unexpectedly and by now fault of his or her own has got him- or herself into that situation. Neither do I mean poor people who indulge themselves with their own saved money or money given to them by someone else.

I don't think it is fair that MNs stereotype "the rich", and have a go at them. But how dare anyone say anything negative about "the poor". That is hypocritical.

I only listed how I spend my money to demonstrate that it can be done, not to say how ?great? I am. If I can do it anybody can.

Please don?t make any assumptions what I do or not do in RL to actively help make things better and support people in need...
And I have a great life, thank you, and not a boring one, either. But curiosity is human nature (just look at the topics of women?s magazines, don?t any of you buy those?), and if you walk through life with open eyes, you just notices things. Also, my academic background is in sociology, so I have a genuine interest in wanting to understand why people do what they do. No finger pointing or accusing intended.

Finally, I?d like to respond to some specific points which have been repeatedly been raised:

RE car engine: it is an absolute myth that it is cheaper to leave the engine on rather than turn it off and on again a short while later (ask any car mechanic). In some countries you risk a fine if you don?t turn your engine off at (certain) traffic lights/road works! They?re not doing that for the sake of it. It?s just unnecessary pollution and a waist of money! It is not a matter of ?treating yourself? if the husband waits in the car with running engine and the wife goes shopping in a supermarket (and it is not extremely cold or hot (aircon))! It?s just stupid. I don?t imply you should turn your engine off at stop and go traffic jams, but those where you come to a standstill, where after 2 or 3 minutes of nothing happening it would be wise to turn the engine off (even if you had to turn it on again in 1 minute it would save money). Same with ?popping in? at shops/dropping friend of etc...

RE kids parties: there?s nothing wrong with kids parties per se! Of course it's nice to create something fun for them. But why have branded accessories right down to the bags the kids take home? Again, extra expenditures and extra waste. A nice party isn?t made nice by spending loads! A (simple) selfmade cake (not one of those branded one with loads of artificial colouring, ugh), and a couple of party games is all the children need to be really really HAPPY. The bags are thrown away, as are most of the contents, it is cheeper and easier to use kitchen towel or plastic bags for sandwhiches plus you can choose what you put in the bags.

RE cut fruit: It is still absolutely beyond me why you would spend twice as much money (or more) for precut fruit (not tins!) if you could easily cut it yourself, particulary if you are poor and only have a 5 pound shopping budget.

The UK has become a very materialistic society (but that is a different topic), maybe I just recognise it more as I?m from a different cultural background.

OP posts:
posieparkerinChina · 11/08/2009 14:28

I think nybom has some great points. But it very unMN to say that some people claiming benefits are wasters and low life... all walks of life have the same sort of scum, the rich (royalty in the case I know) dealing coke not giving a shit about the terror inflicted in the whole production, the wanker boss who doesn't abide by employment laws and exploits people, the evil women who bring over relatives and practically enslave them and the list goes on. But Nybom is specifically talking about people who claim every benefit they are "entitled" too jst because they can and practically throw their squandering ways in front of people. I know a woman who had cosmetic surgery on benefits, I am not sure what how she justified her DDs.

A relative of mine pleads poverty and gets grants from charities and then updates her facebook account showing her pissed up at least twice a week and out at concerts, including Take That.... that is not hard times.

nybom · 11/08/2009 14:28

acually, coming to think about it (i can't believe i'm even defending myself):

show me where in this thread (or the other) i ever said that my country was great/better and/or that it had a better SSS?

what a load of bollock all that business about withholding information... about a point i didn't even raise.

OP posts:
daftpunk · 11/08/2009 14:31

Nybom; is your annual holiday a week on mumsnet talking about poor people? ......It's so hot outside, go and soak up the sun.....

expatinscotland · 11/08/2009 14:33

Hot? It's lashing the rain and blowing here and we're all in jumpers.

Stayingsunnygirl · 11/08/2009 14:33

FAQ - I outlined for nybom the costs involved in the birthday cake I'll be baking for ds1 this week - which came to between £6 and £7, not taking into account the cost of baking tins - but strangely she hasn't seen fit to acknowledge what I said.

posieparkerinChina · 11/08/2009 14:35

Nybom, Has your country of origin got anything to do with your point of view? I'm just wondering why people are asking about it?

It does have a little smatter of racism about keep asking Nybom about her origins... If Nybom isn't saying terrible things about the English?Scottish/British or whatever why are we asking her to defend her nationality or reveal it? Can't anyone have a view on this country without having to justify their position? If Nybom was saying nice things then we wouldn't ask.

posieparkerinChina · 11/08/2009 14:36

disclaimer, I haven't read the whole thread where she may or may not have made a comparison.

daftpunk · 11/08/2009 14:38

Expat; it's boiling here atm, blue sky, hot hot hot!

You should live in the beautiful south

Tamarto · 11/08/2009 14:39

If she is on benefits she will not be skint by the end of the month as most benefits are paid weekly.

'kids are small and thin for their age.' If you are that concerned SS would be the best port of call otherwise i am glad i am not your 'friend'

Stayingsunnygirl · 11/08/2009 14:48

I am a registered general nurse, and I worked up 'til I had ds1, then went back to work between ds2 and ds3. At that point, I was a senior grade staff nurse, earning c£150 a week take-home.

Nursery costs for ds1 and ds2 added up to very nearly £100 per week, so when I became pregnant again, it was blatantly obvious that if I carried on working after the birth, almost all of my wages would be spent on nursery fees.

I could have afforded to do this, in order to hang onto my career, but only because dh had a good job which enabled him to cover the costs of running the home and family. I can quite understand how a single mum must struggle to find a job that will not only cover the costs of her childcare but will enable her to cover her family's living expenses too. Unless she has family or friends who are willing to provide free childcare, her hourly rate will have to be high before she can make ends meet.

Nybom - if you have a friend who is neglecting her children, you have a duty to report it, and I don't understand why you haven't done so already.

expatinscotland · 11/08/2009 14:51

Because posie, the OP uses her different cultural background to make her so-called point.

Over and over.

Even in this initial post here: 'The UK has become a very materialistic society (but that is a different topic), maybe I just recognise it more as I?m from a different cultural background. '

Her husband has come on and made comparisons in the tax structure in his native country and this one.

The OP fails to acknowledge any posts but those that agree with her or those she feels are nasty.

Many, many have asked valid questions or tries to initiate a balanced discussion.

The OP doesn't acknowledge these posts in either thread.

nybom · 11/08/2009 14:52

posie i never made any comparisons. i do feel the tone is getting a little racist, too.

stayingsunny i can only say i spend no more than 3 pounds (and that is using organic ingredients).

to my shame i must admit, i didn't take into account any tins, but would you buy them every time you baked? no. once you got oone they easily last 30 years. moreover, it is easy getting them for free off someone, also borrowing a tin is an option if you don't have one.

OP posts:
nybom · 11/08/2009 14:54

expat what questions other than where i bloody come from have i failed to acknowledge?

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 11/08/2009 14:55

Good grief, nybom, if you really have to ask that after 1500 posts then you're truly a lost cause.

Tamarto · 11/08/2009 14:56

I can buy a shop bought cake for £3 what is your point?

You still have the inital outlay for the ingredients which is not £3 unless you buy per weight from your 'friend'

How is it easy getting them for free?

Is it just cake tins that are easy to get for free or is it all sorts that no one has told me about.

It's all so simple in your world, i hope for your sake it stays like that.

FAQtothefuture · 11/08/2009 14:56

so if you had none of the ingredients in for making an organic cake you are telling me that you could buy

Organic Eggs
Organic Flour
Organic Butter
and pay for the cost of the electric/gas for less than £3???

woozlet · 11/08/2009 14:57

you didn't answer me when I asked why you are even friends with these (in your eyes) appalling people.

Tamarto · 11/08/2009 14:57

If all else fails play the victim card.

FAQtothefuture · 11/08/2009 14:57

lol @ the tone getting racist with the number of different nationalities that are posting on the thread

sarah293 · 11/08/2009 14:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

treedelivery · 11/08/2009 15:02

Allright Riven?

Sandy22 · 11/08/2009 15:03

I have only read Nyboms Part 2 story and a few of the replies. I think she is a total wind-up merchant and everyone should just now completely ignore this thread and leave this ignorant person on her own with her own ridiculous thoughts - she just loves the fact that you all keep responding to her and she will never give any information as to where she is from as this will totally blow her out of the water - enjoy your life Nybom.

FAQtothefuture · 11/08/2009 15:04

Riven @ hospital - everything ok?

nybom · 11/08/2009 15:11

"when i grow up
i wanna be famous
i wanna be a star
i wanna be in movies

when i grow up
i wanna see the world
drive nice cars
i wanna have groupies"

i think that says it all. those lyrics are typical of the culture we live in.

were there such song texts 20 years ago? in such quantity. listened to by 4 year olds? nope.

how is that NOT materialistic? the UK has become more materialistic, that is a fact. as have other countries. as i life in the UK this is the country i mentioned (to put first OP into perspective), no point discussing life on the other side of the world, is there?

OP posts:
nybom · 11/08/2009 15:14

woozlet because they also have very positive lovely traits. live isn't black and white you know...?

OP posts:
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