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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel dh has been horrid and unreasonable

644 replies

labyrinthine · 03/08/2009 13:32

Today we were supposed to be going to a town an hour or so from here to look at a car.
ds was poorly in the night and felt a bit off when he got up so he came into our bed[dh had already got up]for 5 mins and we were chatting.
Dh burst in saying angrily"It's half past eight you know,it's too late to go now,I guess if you had wanted to go you'd have been up by now~that's fine,it'll save me a lot of money,great."
So we didn't go,having talked about it all weekend and specially[me] arranged to leave ds with his friend next door at 10.30 or so.

I don't understand why he did this as it obviously wasn't too late,it was early.
To me,he changed his mind and instead of saying so,blamed me for it.He was also a bit nasty saying he had done everything while I was in bed~but then why didn't he wake me?

I have no car atm so can't go alone.
Now we've had a huge row and are not speaking.
He like being in control~he often cancels trips on the day when he decides it's "too late".

So fed up now ,disappointed about the car,horrible things have been said and we are supposed to be going away in a few days.

OP posts:
Katisha · 03/09/2009 11:09

Hi!
How long is it since you last worked? Don't beat yourself up about lack of confidence - if it's been a while then of course you are going to feel nervous.
But you sound really determined - what sort of interview are you going to request? I'm a bit vague about all this as I never gave up working, but I have friends who would like to get back into the workplace as well.
There will be tons of advice about it on Mumsnet if you ask.
ARe you informing dh of your plans yet?

Original poster
labyrinthine · 03/09/2009 11:28

Well I have just spoken to the dept and I have to e mail a CV to the human resources dept and then should be able to do a six week period there as part of retraining.

Sorry it is me who is vague~ because of the personal nature of the thread I don't want to give too much away but a clue is in the response I gave to your thread.

Brilliant!

OP posts:
Katisha · 03/09/2009 11:42

BLimey that sounds pretty positive already! Excellent!

I am being really dense here - response to my thread...hmmm...

Original poster
labyrinthine · 03/09/2009 12:29

Just had a long conversation with the carrers dept at the post grad centre which was also quite positive with lots to look into and work on.
It was you who had a thread about your son,and a letter for school wasn't it?

OP posts:
Original poster
labyrinthine · 03/09/2009 12:30

careers

OP posts:
Katisha · 03/09/2009 12:50

Ah the penny has dropped! Thanks very much!

Gosh when you decide something you certainly decide it - go girl!

Original poster
labyrinthine · 03/09/2009 12:56

Thankyou!

OP posts:
Katisha · 03/09/2009 13:07

Have asked you a question on the other thread by the way.

mumonthenet · 03/09/2009 22:13

laby,

have just managed to catch up on this thread after the bleedin' computer being up the spout for a week.

No time to comment now but am impressed by your progress and I totally understand the conflicting emotions that you are experiencing.

Original poster
labyrinthine · 04/09/2009 00:13

Thanks mumonthenet

Have spent all day on my CV~am determined to do this!

OP posts:
warthog · 04/09/2009 06:46

good for you - hope it works out.

Katisha · 04/09/2009 11:46

I am liking the way this thread is going!

What is DHs reaction to you going back to work? Or what will it be?

Original poster
labyrinthine · 04/09/2009 12:38

He was really pleased~started to interfere a bit but pleased!

It's been a balance of power problem~him getting more and more power,me getting less and less confident.

OP posts:
Original poster
labyrinthine · 04/09/2009 13:59

ok application and CV sent off

OP posts:
Katisha · 04/09/2009 14:02

Oh well done! Go and do something celebratory involving chocolate!

Original poster
labyrinthine · 04/09/2009 14:06

Oh ok if I must

OP posts:
Original poster
labyrinthine · 06/09/2009 22:04

Had a horrible day today~dh immensely stressed,talking at me all the time,blaming me for leaving his sports stuff behind and relentless lecturing.
How can a lovely sunday out be all that stressful I don't know!
He was also rude to other drivers and pedestrians.

OP posts:
Mumcentreplus · 06/09/2009 22:17

ignore,ignore,ignore!..

Original poster
labyrinthine · 06/09/2009 23:01

thanks~mustn't/won't let it affect me but I don't like him spoiling the days for ds

OP posts:
Katisha · 07/09/2009 08:24

What does he say when you challenge him about the relentless lecturing? Do you tell him he is doing it?

Original poster
labyrinthine · 07/09/2009 09:52

Yes he said he was tired and I suggested when that happens to speak less so he wouldn't wind everyone up so much and cause us to argue,making matters worse.
I think it is a case of him off loading all his stress,questions etc on to me all in rapid succession.

OP posts:
Original poster
labyrinthine · 07/09/2009 10:15

I should have said rude about other drivers and pedestrians.
He used to be immensely stressed when the children were little which is largely why I took on more and more ,so he wouldn't be overwhelmed.So then I did everything and that is why I ended up the general skivvy!

OP posts:
Katisha · 07/09/2009 10:18

It's a battle but I think you will just have to keep bringing him up short when he starts up, or leave the room or something. And tell him he is NOT to denigrate you in front of DS or other people.

Original poster
labyrinthine · 07/09/2009 10:39

Yes I will.
He has a tendency,when asked to stop doing something to get even more vehement about how right it is and repeat it several more times.
I think I know how my dd feels~everything he says seems to put you in such a negative light it is so wearing.

OP posts:
Katisha · 07/09/2009 10:48

It's a terrible habit he has got into.

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