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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to report my MIL to ofsted annomonously behind DHs back?

80 replies

NickyPickyLicky · 30/07/2009 13:49

She is an awful childminder and I wouldn't even leave my own DC there with her now (I did it once and have felt guilty ever since and really regretted it but thought she would be good with her). I hate the thought that so many parents are paying her to "look after" their children.

I want to report her. But DH would go mad which is why I have resisted untill now. But I feel guilty not doing anything about it and feel I am partly responsiable if I don't act.

I know she has been reported in the past for various things and Ofsted have been round but as she acts as good as gold when they are there - she gets away with it.

(BTW - we are not talking about abuse here - just realised it could sound like that!!)

OP posts:
Jojay · 30/07/2009 13:51

What sort of things does she do that you think are wrong?

MagNacarta · 30/07/2009 14:00

I think you need to tell us more before we can comment.

Original poster
NickyPickyLicky · 30/07/2009 14:03

LOADs but I will just give a few examples:

  • Leaves mindees with anybody willing (her mum, sister, 15year old son, me when me and DH first met and I was only 18 and she didn't even know me) without the parents knowing - I am pretty sure they don't have a clue.
  • Leaves them all in the playroom unattended most of the time. I have been there before and not even realised she had mindees there untill one came out crying.
  • The ONE and only time she looked after my DD1, she was about 6 months old at the time and got upset when I left her (was the first time she had been left and was probably just scared) she said about 5 mins after we left she was just screaming so she just put her in the garden and let her scream and eventually (about an hour) later she went to sleep - she wasn't even due for a nap and she didn't even try feeding her or changing nappy etc.
  • I have NEVER seen her play/chat with the children or do an activity
  • A child (about 20 months?) escaped out of her house a while ago and DH found him walking down the road. All she did was shout at the mindee.
  • She leaves children in the travel cot awake for a long time
  • She wanted me to bring my DD round with swine flu last week - probably to spread to mindees so she can have the week off (she has done this before with chicken pox).
  • She just tells the parents whatever they want to hear even if its bollox
  • She just doesn't attend to the at all. They have to amuse themselves all day (including babies) because she wants to do housework/watch TV/chat to guests.

I just know I would not be happy with this even if I wasn't paying, let alone some people paying her.

OP posts:
junglist1 · 30/07/2009 14:03

go on then do it
i wish I had something I could report my MIL for

Original poster
NickyPickyLicky · 30/07/2009 14:05

I think the leaving them with other people is what gets to me most. It isn't just on the odd occasion. Every Monday she leaves them with her Dad, who is outside doing the garden while the children are in the playroom. Her Son or anybody else that pops round has them when she does the school run etc.
NONE of these are registered assistants or have parental permission to have them

OP posts:
crazylizzy · 30/07/2009 14:06

Report her. Could you maybe do it anonymously to spare grief between you and DH?

She sounds like a law suit waiting to happen

Stigaloid · 30/07/2009 14:06

you need to elaborate more in order for us to provide a better answer.

LadyOfWaffle · 30/07/2009 14:07

She sounds awful. dangerous even. Report her, please. Stuff your DH (sorry).

Stigaloid · 30/07/2009 14:07

oops sorry - posted after opening this 5 mins ago

Original poster
NickyPickyLicky · 30/07/2009 14:07

junglist - but what if it meant going behind your DHs back? I would have to completly lie and say I know nothing about it?

She openly swears etc in front of them too.

OP posts:
LadyOfWaffle · 30/07/2009 14:07

I'd be telling the parents too. Can you sneak their details and send letters?

muddleduck · 30/07/2009 14:08

The sad truth is that it will prob make no difference if you do report her to OFSTED. I reported a CM for various issues (similar but not quite as serious as these) and all they did was write to her and ask her to write an essay on the importance of XYZ. As long as she did what she was supposed to on inspection day then they didn't seem to care about whether she actually did what she was supposed to for the rest of the time . She still has all her places filled and it makes me very very sad for the kids.

Stigaloid · 30/07/2009 14:09

I agree - report her.

laweaselmys · 30/07/2009 14:10

I don't think Ofstead would reveal who reported her, I'd think if she's done things like she did with your baby before her neighbours must be pretty tempted too.

Sounds awful though.

doggiesayswoof · 30/07/2009 14:10

I'd find a way to tell the parents, anonymously if you want. Wouldn't bother going through OFSTED. All sounds dreadful especially leaving the mindees with random folk.

muddleduck · 30/07/2009 14:10

She should be reported, but you need to have your DH onside. You can't hide this from him.

junglist1 · 30/07/2009 14:15

I'd do it, only if you can lie effectively though, otherwise it's not worth it. It would mean her coming in between you and your man if he found out.

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 30/07/2009 14:19

Write out what she does and hand it to the parents when they arrive to pick up their kids.

Original poster
NickyPickyLicky · 30/07/2009 14:20

muddleduck - but DH won't report his Mum.

Junglist - well thhats what I thought. BUT Then what if a child gets hurt and I hadn't said anything?

OP posts:
HarryB · 30/07/2009 14:24

Forget that she is your MiL and report her. She is neglecting children in her care.

Can you ask a trusted friend to do it on your behalf. Sorry, not sure how these things work.

Original poster
NickyPickyLicky · 30/07/2009 14:27

FabBaker - And how am I meant to do that without anybody knowing? I think she will notice me standing outside her house handing out leaflets about how crap she is! lol.

OP posts:
Original poster
NickyPickyLicky · 30/07/2009 14:29

Harry - I know, thats why I want to act. But just want to do it with minimal damage to us (as in me and hubby and the kids)

OP posts:
Original poster
NickyPickyLicky · 30/07/2009 14:32

The other thing is, yes I can tell THESE parents but what about when a new child comes a long?

The sad fact is - MIL wanted to look after DD1 when I went into labour with DD2 and I worried and worried about it for weeks and decided I would rather give birth alone than her having DD. Lucky I gave birth in perfect timing when my sister happened to be down for the weekend. But that isn't right.

She doesn't even think she is doing anything wrong. And nor do her parents or he children who have just grown up with it like that.

OP posts:
FabBakerGirlIsBack · 30/07/2009 14:36

Just report her fgs.

We are trying to give usggestions and you are just ignoring them.

Northerngirldownsouth · 30/07/2009 14:36

You have to do something. Tell Ofsted now. Do you know any of the mums at all? If you can tell one (even anonymously - e.g. note through door) they may well be able to tell the others. Don't childminders have to tell their mindees parents if they're reported to ofsted? (not sure if she can just not bother though).

I would be horrified if my cm was doing this and nobody did anything.

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