to report my MIL to ofsted annomonously behind DHs back?

[NickyPickyLicky]

She is an awful childminder and I wouldn't even leave my own DC there with her now (I did it once and have felt guilty ever since and really regretted it but thought she would be good with her). I hate the thought that so many parents are paying her to "look after" their children.

I want to report her. But DH would go mad which is why I have resisted untill now. But I feel guilty not doing anything about it and feel I am partly responsiable if I don't act.

I know she has been reported in the past for various things and Ofsted have been round but as she acts as good as gold when they are there - she gets away with it.

(BTW - we are not talking about abuse here - just realised it could sound like that!!)

just the fact she leaves the children in some one elses care is probably illegal, surely anyone of a certain age that has access to the children will have had to be crb checked. I reported a friend of mine as she used to leave a little boy in her care to cry the whole time at toddler group, she was quite open about the fact he was an only child and therefore over indulged by his parents, but he would sit on his own and cry really badly for the whole session, she would never comfort him or play with him, I felt if she could openly be so hard what would she be like behind closed doors.I don't know if anything ever came of my complaint. But i'm sure if they did contact her and my name was mentioned she would have said something. I think you have a duty to do something, if it was your childs carer you would want to know.

Right. I feel the need to clarify a few things here.

"Parents leave their children there- if the children are unhappy hopefully the parents would know and act."

Well not really. If you have a baby/toddler then how do you know whats going on? They arn't old enough to talk. Even if they are happy, doesn't mean they are safe either.

"It isn't uncommon to have chicken pox parties. They aren't my idea of sensible but a generation ago lots of parents did them, it may be she spoke to the parents about the "benefits" and they agreed for their children to play with your daughter when she was ill."

She did NOT check with the parents. We were meant to be visiting. DH phoned to say w couldn't come as DD1 has SW. She replied "Oh come anyway it doesn't matter". DH said no way.

"If the children are old enough to play in a room alone then why can't they? I have never used a child minder but I would be surprised if they spent the whole time in a room with the children."

The youngest is about 10 months. And she is NEVER in the playroom. So the only time they spend with her is when they are eating in the kitchen or need a nappy change or toilet help.

"A child wondered off into the street and she told them off/shouted at them-what should she have done laughed and encouraged them to do it again? Some small children can unlock doors-her style of telling them off would have been fed back to parents one way or another."

No, he didn't unlock the front door. It was left OPEN. When DH brought him in, she was watching daytime TV and she hadn't noticed he was gone. I would expect her to a) make sure the door was kept shut, b) tell the parents as he was pretty shaken up c) Just explain to him it is dangerous and he can't go out the front etc.

"The only thing that I can see really awry here is that she leaves children in the care of people who have not been approved/vetted."

I think this is what I am going to report first, as hopefully, if I give them a time and day she will be out (after a bit of research) then they will turn up when she isn't hope and catch her red handed.

"If as you say other people have reported her in the past then most likely the parents know/have heard about it"

I don't think so as they are different children now.

To silver1 how would a small child tell their parents how they had been treated? Even quite old children, say 4 or so may not say anything. My ds is 5 and doesn't tell me anything about his day.

As for opening a front door - the CM must have a lock that is secure and cannot be opened by a mindee.

I would report and be brave and do it named. Ofsted will investigate properly.

Nicky - I haven't read the whole thread so apologies if this has already been suggested:

Could you try taking a different approach with DH? You could point out that there is a real risk that his mum could end up facing criminal charges if she continues to neglect these children. They are in her care and if anything happened to one of them she could be changed and possibly get sent to prison. She obviously won't change her ways as she sees nothing wrong in what she's doing so the only way to protect her from herself is to stop her child-minding. She is clearly not cut out for it and should find something else to do. Reporting her is the best thing for her and for the children in her care.

I agree with marthasmama, sooner or later something is going to happen to one of the children and then she is going to be in big trouble. She needs to be stopped now, its not ok to "look after" children in this manner. I think its really telling that she put her own dgd in the garden to scream because she was upset because you had gone, if that had happened to my dd I would be so angry. She is clearly not cut out for this.

If you take this to ofsted and it goes to court then your name will be revealed afaik. So you need to get dh onside or call ss to remain anonymous...