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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at being told 'well done' for BF at the 8 week check?

94 replies

misscreosote · 30/07/2009 12:19

Just took DD2 for her 8 week check and jabs (boy can she scream!). HV asked the standard 'how are you feeding her' question, and when I said BF, she said 'well done'. If I was a dog she might have patted me on the head. And then I somehow felt it necessary to justify myself (I don't know why) by explaining about DD1's dairy allergy, etc etc.

Why has this wound me up so much (I am a bit tired admittedly )?? I think its just because BF is blooming normal, so shouldn't warrant a 'well done', and also, conversely if I was FF, then is that 'not well done'? Who is she to be making a judgement. Grrr.

(PS please please, not a debate about the relative merits of FF and BF... Whatever goes is fine by me )

OP posts:
readyfornumber2and3 · 30/07/2009 12:22

YABU if you think you will get a HV who doesnt patronise and make you feel like a bad mother lol

flowerybeanbag · 30/07/2009 12:23

But she is making a judgement that you are doing well for bf. Which you are. Regardless of whether it should be normal or not, (and by 8 weeks I don't think it is, is it?), you are doing a good thing.

I expect if you'd been ff she would not have passed judgement at all, but as you were bf she wanted to be encouraging. She probably encounters lots of women at the same stage who have given up or are thinking of doing so, so she is pleased you are still going and wanted to encourage you.

mumblechum · 30/07/2009 12:24

Blimey you really need to chill.

xandrarama · 30/07/2009 12:24

I got the same response from my HV around that time - I just interpreted it as an acknowledgement that BF can be hard work during the first few weeks, so 'well done' for getting through it.

No one congratulated me at our latest check... I left slightly deflated

mmmcheese · 30/07/2009 12:26

I get told 'well done'for breastfeeding when i take my baby for any checks. I live in an area where very few women breastfeed so its not 'normal'here and its nice to meet anyone who is supportive of it, i don't think it's patronising. She's probably just trying to offer encouragement

Curiousmama · 30/07/2009 12:27

YABU it's in the first week or so that people give up so she's saying well done for persevering as it's not easy. I did it for over a year with ds1 and 10 months with ds2 and a big well done to me I say

ruddynorah · 30/07/2009 12:27

reminds me of when i took dd for her some jabs when she was past 6 months old.

nurse said 'is she still having baby milk?'

i was a little puzzled.

'she has erm, my milk'

nurse said 'oh wow well done, lucky baby!'

at the time i actually thought well i have not much choice in the matter as she will not take anything else, but er..thanks

BadgersArse · 30/07/2009 12:27

yabu life get a

frisbyrat · 30/07/2009 12:28

I got the same, and, tbh, I was really pleased, as we talked a bit about it and she actually acknowledged that bf can be very difficult in the early days, and, when I was struggling with a small baby and feeling I wasn't coping, any little bit of praise was very welcome.
So I think YAB a tiny bit U.

LadyOfWaffle · 30/07/2009 12:29

YABU, I'd be chuffed. A pat on the head would be much appreciated here

LuluMaman · 30/07/2009 12:29

YABU

she is probably delighted somoene is breastfeeding after 8 weeks

breastfeeding should be the norm, but i thikn we all know that FF is the norm.

she was being supportive and encouraging

would you have preferred her to curl her lip and tell you to offer baby rice in a bottle to help her sleep then you could be NBU!

curiositykilled · 30/07/2009 12:30

It is annoying, but you probably ABU - put it down to tiredness. It's nice to be told 'well done' however you feel about it, don't read into it too much. Breastfeeding might be normal but is still hard going and at 8 weeks is all rubbish and self-sacrificing and still a bit unpleasant (I found). I was only really just starting to find it a pleasure by then with both children.

I get exactly like this and find most care professionals patronising! I'm currently trying to avoid being wound up by the suggestion that having twins means I need to go to the high-risk postnatal ward when they're born to have my feeding monitored - as if anyone has more experience than me (fed two children for 10 months each) and would know better about my babies! I know they are trying to be supportive, if I think about it lots of people would be grateful for this and I am being completely unreasonable... but I'm still mad.

Curiousmama · 30/07/2009 12:31

ruddynorah...babymilk??? What other would she have at 6 months??

Original poster
misscreosote · 30/07/2009 12:32

Ok, yes I probably am being unreasonable, thanks Am feeling a little touchy today - DD1 was up most of the night as well so probably just in need of a nap [sleepy emoticon]

OP posts:
Curiousmama · 30/07/2009 12:35

Sleep deprivation is torture...hope you get a good night tonight.

comewhinewithme · 30/07/2009 12:36

YABU DD had her 8 week check on Tuesday (she can scream too ) and when the GP wrote me a script out I had to ask him if it was ok to take while BF and he had to change it as he just assumed I was FF as that is the norm around here .

I like it when people say well done .

Original poster
misscreosote · 30/07/2009 12:38

Yes, thinking about it, health professionals are in a no win situation - I would complain if they didn't offer support when I needed it, and now am complaining becuase she was when I didn't need it! Oops.

OP posts:
phdlife · 30/07/2009 12:49
nybom · 30/07/2009 14:19

YABU

she just wanted to be encouraging as so many mums give up or don't even try.

on that matter: i'd love to get a "WELL DONE" after 6 months though, i only get a puzzled "oooh...... (?)"

i BF DS until his 3rd birthday, and DS2 is 15 months old and we're still going strong.

jellybeans · 30/07/2009 14:22

YABU I really appreciated anything positive about bf to counter all the negative things people said. At the end of the day, it IS well done to still be bf after a few weeks, it can be very hard. I gave up in the early weeks with older 4 and am so glad still with bf at 8.5 months. A few well dones make me feel I did the right thing.

kalo12 · 30/07/2009 14:23

seems a harmless enough phrase to me. What would you have preferred. silence? or perhaps not asking the question at all?

relax. they won't be saying well done at 18 months believe me

Paolosgirl · 30/07/2009 14:26

You are doing well - you're giving her the best possible start in life. What's not to congratulate you for? As my DC's say - chillax!

Oh - and well done

preggersplayspop · 30/07/2009 14:31

You are being a bit oversensitive, she was being nice to you. Enjoy it! As kalo12 says, they will be trying to get you to give up once they get 'a bit big for it' (as I did when I told my midwife I was still bf DS at 2 yo).

motherbeyond · 30/07/2009 15:13

yabu! it's a bit patronising,but it's probably a standard response.i know 8 weeks isn't exactly a long time..bit i really struggles..managed to feed dd until 5 months although looking back, i think my milk supply was rubbish and she was hugry and underweight.it was a case of pride. and the hv saying well done,kept me going.

i desperately wanted to be able to bf,and when my 2nd was born things seemed better,but i was really lacking confidence and stopped after 3 weeks.
i still beat myself up about it. some mdwf's and h.v s said its ok to stop, others said you must keep on...it was confusing and i don't think they can win whatever they say!

moondog · 30/07/2009 15:16

Jesus, how ridiculous!
#Get a grip.

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