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AIBU?

to be annoyed at being told 'well done' for BF at the 8 week check?

94 replies

misscreosote · 30/07/2009 12:19

Just took DD2 for her 8 week check and jabs (boy can she scream!). HV asked the standard 'how are you feeding her' question, and when I said BF, she said 'well done'. If I was a dog she might have patted me on the head. And then I somehow felt it necessary to justify myself (I don't know why) by explaining about DD1's dairy allergy, etc etc.

Why has this wound me up so much (I am a bit tired admittedly )?? I think its just because BF is blooming normal, so shouldn't warrant a 'well done', and also, conversely if I was FF, then is that 'not well done'? Who is she to be making a judgement. Grrr.

(PS please please, not a debate about the relative merits of FF and BF... Whatever goes is fine by me )

OP posts:

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littlebrownmouse · 30/07/2009 20:01

Give over Tinofspam and Bruffin! In an ideal world, we'd all be at it til the child was at least two, but we don't live in an ideal world. I'm surprised my HV didn't say "Well done, you're not 14, you're not on heroin, you have a house to live in and you know the father." given the area I live in. Well done to all breast feeders, you've done a fabby job even if you only did it for a few weeks. There, said it!

littlebrownmouse · 30/07/2009 20:02

The shop assistant in Morrissons said well "Oooh, you're a good girl." to me the other day because I used my own carrier bags. Now that is patronising!

theyoungvisiter · 30/07/2009 20:02

would you have preferred it if she'd scowled and said "Don't give yourself airs, it's only nature you know?"

Stop stressing over this TINY and monumentally insignificant remark and have a nap woman!

WinkyWinkola · 30/07/2009 20:02

Why on earth shouldn't people be told well done for bfing? I don't think it's patronising in the least to be praised for doing something that is brilliant for the baby.

It can be so draining even if all goes well with baby latching on etc etc.

And bfing certainly isn't the norm in the U.K. so HVs probably think it's important to encourage it where possible.

bruffin · 30/07/2009 20:03

I breastfed one child, ff fed the other. I had two beautiful bonny bouncing babies. I don't see why I should be congratulated for feeding one and not the other.

WinkyWinkola · 30/07/2009 20:04

Well done bruffin on raising two healthy, bonny, lovely children. However you fed them.

theyoungvisiter · 30/07/2009 20:04

ooo sorry, missed that you have admitted you were being unreasonable! well done

tbh I thought I was doing bloody well to be up and dressed in the morning with two children, so I would have been happy if someone had said "well done" for getting to the surgery in one piece with two (relatively) clean children [double ]

Ninkynork · 30/07/2009 20:08

Wait until you go for the two year check and get looked at like this because you are still BF. That's annoying.

littlebrownmouse · 30/07/2009 20:11

Same here Bruffin, but I think people should say 'well done' and give praise more often. I'm far more proud of what I did with the feeding of DD (breast) than of DS (bottle) and it was damn harder work too, and nobody else can help, and my nipples were bleeding and agony and stuck to my breast pads and DD was attached to them almost permanently. But I perservered and think I did well. I liked the acknowledgement that when I was peeling my hideously painful nipples off the breast pads where they were stuck, glue-like with my own blood, I was doing a good job.

stillstanding · 30/07/2009 20:13

Totally unreasonable. Jeez, how are they supposed to win? It is well done, no question about it.

Sycamoretreeisvile · 30/07/2009 20:15

Have not read the thread deliberately.

Yes, YABU (but you are probably knackered and hormonal and so I'll let you off a bit).

BF is natural, not normal (as in percentage of mothers BFing in the UK past 2 weeks). She's doing her job following NHS guidelines and positively reinforcing the choice you have made.

I sometimes think folk can't win.

What would you have done if she'd just blanked your answer and ticked her little chart. You'd probably be ranting for not being encouraged....

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 30/07/2009 20:15

YABU. BF is not the norm at 8 weeks as most people are bottle feeding by then. Sounds like she was just recognising that you've "done well" to have stuck with it when too be honest there are often times when giving a baby a bottle can seem easier.

theyoungvisiter · 30/07/2009 20:15

I hear you, Ninkynork, no-one's saying well done then.

In fact the MW who booked me in for DS2 said "you'll need to put a stop to that asap" when I admitted to still bfing DS1!

sazlocks · 30/07/2009 20:16

I do think you have done well to be honest and its nice that she acknowledged that and said it. Having seen the data for bf at 6-8 weeks then as the vast, vast majority of those who start have given up by then then its good that she was encouraging. You were probably one of the only BF women she had seen all day depending on where you live.

littlebrownmouse · 30/07/2009 20:17

When i went for seven month check, they didn't ask if I was breast feeding, just filled in FF on the chart I didn't notice til I got home and changed it myself. Was damned annoyed!

sobloodystupid · 30/07/2009 20:19

My lovely female GP said the same thing to me. I was delighted as I felt she recognised how difficult it can be for some...

FfreckleFface · 30/07/2009 20:22

YABU, and you know you are.

Bloody hell, when little Ff was eight weeks old I would have fallen on the neck of anyone who'd told me 'well done' and wept in relief. As it was, all of the HCPs I came across shook their heads in disapproval and told me she'd put on more weight and I'd get a rest if I gave her a bottle. The doctor even told me that 'these days' formula is no different to breast milk. (But that's another thread...)

You deserve a well done and big pat on the back. As has been said previously on the thread, save the AIBUs for later on, when you get looks for whipping a boob out for a fifteen month old.

DandyLioness · 30/07/2009 20:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MorrisZapp · 30/07/2009 21:41

Of course YABU.

Reminds me of that poster last week who hates it when her friends tell her she'll do well in her exams.

Makes me wonder if we should all just live in silence if inoffensive small talk and compliments can be taken so badly that they warrant a discussion on AIBU.

MorrisZapp · 30/07/2009 21:45

Just remembered

When my sister went to our lovely GP to tell her she was pregnant, the GP was positively gushing with excitement and praise. Apparently she said 'are you planning to breastfeed' amd my sis said 'er, I suppose so' and the GP was like 'Oh that's AMAZING I'm so pleased to hear it!' with a massive, genuine beaming face.

Awww. I think that really helped my sis. What a lovely doc.

gingerbunny · 30/07/2009 22:53

We should be praised for bf it's bloody hard work, but worth every last little bit of effort.
I was over the moon when my hv asked me to come and talk to her new mum breast feeding group to offer advise etc, after i bf my first to a year.
i could have quite happily have thumped a gp recentlly though, after I went to him with masitous (sorry can't spell it) and after checking my breast, he told me that it wasn't that bad and what did i want him to do about it!!!

raffyandted · 30/07/2009 23:16

Yes, I think it was meant to be a kind remark, acknowledging tha lots of women do start off with the best of intentions about Bf, but end up giving up early due to physical problems combined with a lack or help or encouragement.

I got several 'well done's and even an 'I think you're marvellous!' whilst I was still in hospital after Ds birth! Mainly because I'd had emergency C-section, Ds was HUGE and v wriggly (9lb 10oz) and I have a disability which made holding him in the right place very difficult on my left boob. I didn't feel marvelloues, I felt ghastly, but I remember even at that early stage as a BF mother I was in the minority on the ward, which I was really suprised about.

I did cave in when Ds was 10 weeks and it was like trying to suckle a litter of piglets..i just couldn't keep him on & he would get into such a rage he'd stop feeding. My lovely GP praised me for lasting that long & said what a wonderful start i'd given DS & I really appreciated it, cos it had been really hard!

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Pennybubbly · 31/07/2009 03:39

YABU

I went to absolute hell and back bfeeding DC2. It was total and utter agony for the first 8 weeks (despite numerous visits & consultations with my lactation consultant / La Leche support). Then it got better.
When I told her (the lactation consultant) it was now pain-free, she actually filled up with tears (she has 15 years experience).
Perhaps I should have punched her lights out?

katiestar · 31/07/2009 08:28

They said that to me as well.Must be in the HV manual !!
.YANBU it is patronising

alardi · 31/07/2009 08:34

You don't know what HV says to the FF mums. She probably finds a different supportive angle for things to say to them. What should she say, "Oh. Well, anyway, do you have any problems? Because I have lots of paperwork and other people to worry about if you don't need any more of my time I'd like to go take care of them instead. Bye for now, thanks for letting me tick you off today."
Would that be nicer to hear?

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