to be annoyed at being told 'well done' for BF at the 8 week check?

[misscreosote]

Just took DD2 for her 8 week check and jabs (boy can she scream!). HV asked the standard 'how are you feeding her' question, and when I said BF, she said 'well done'. If I was a dog she might have patted me on the head. And then I somehow felt it necessary to justify myself (I don't know why) by explaining about DD1's dairy allergy, etc etc.

Why has this wound me up so much (I am a bit tired admittedly )?? I think its just because BF is blooming normal, so shouldn't warrant a 'well done', and also, conversely if I was FF, then is that 'not well done'? Who is she to be making a judgement. Grrr.

(PS please please, not a debate about the relative merits of FF and BF... Whatever goes is fine by me )

[spiralqueen]

YANBU - it's all down to the tone of voice IMHO. Why the HV can't just say "that's great" is beyond me. I had the same experience with my HV but with the deadly "mummy" added on the end for good measure.

Hated bf-ing (though I did do it for 5mths) and felt like I had been reduced to an animal. Being patronised and called mummy (instead of my name like you would in any normal adult to adult conversation) felt like my old independent adult self had been completely extinguished.

[reikizen]

Jeez, relax...

[MiniMarmite]

indeed bumpsnow!

[bumpsnowjustplump]

I have also today had a HV tell me i should consider formula now that ds needs more iron..... I would much sooner have had a pat on the head and be told well done....

[StinkyFart]

[bumpsnowjustplump]

minimarmite i am surprised you get a 10 month check we have to do them ourselves her... Only get 8 week check then all other checks we are sent a list of things to check ourselves

[bumpsnowjustplump]

It is not the norm to bf anymore. When my ds was 3 weeks old we were admitted to hospital as he couldn't keep any feeds down. I had to call HV as I was going to miss her visit. She replied that i should change his milk!!! I said i couldn't as i was BF she said sorry I am the only the only BF mum she has in her care at the moment!!!

She probably knows that many mums find it really hard work so thought you might need a well done just to make your day... I know i still beam with pride when anyone says well done..... DS has reflux and a dairy alergy as well so it has been tough...

[MiniMarmite]

I got a surprised 'well done' at DS's 10 month check. I was surprised that the HV was surprised...and then pleased that my perserverence had been acknowledged

[aGalChangedHerName]

She was being nice. Dont be daft!!

[Flamesparrow]

I always like "are you feeding him/her yourself?"

Word of advice... they are not amused when you say that you try to make someone else feed them at all times

Similar reaction when you promise not to let them play in dirty water and with used needles when you mention putting off jabs for a few weeks.

[OurLadyOfPerpetualSupper]

Wait and see how you feel when you're 'still bf?' at whatever age that person deems OTT, or when the doc says 'you don't have to wait until they're on fish and chips, you know!'

The only 'well done' I ever had was from a bf counsellor -it made me cry as I'd had such a struggle to establish bf and this was the first praise I ever received.

No HP has ever given even a smidgen of faint praise in five years of bf my three.

[kidcreoleandthecoconuts]

YABU. It is an achievement to still be breastfeeding at 8 weeks....lots of people don't get that far!
I'm sure she meant it in a supportive, 'you've done really well' way.
I welcomed any praise when I was breastfeeding, I'm very proud that I breastfed DD for 17 months!
Although the public health nurse did give me a strange look when I told her I was still feeding 14 month old DD as breastfeeding rates are low where I live and I'm sure it wasn't the norm at all.

[PavlovtheForgetfulCat]

Are you doing well breastfeeding? Should you not feel proud? there are a LOT of things that will wind you up about comments from people, no least HVs. This is certainly not one of them, its just a flippant compliment, I suspect its meant to be supportive.

Would you want her not to comment at all, or shrug and say 'oh right, whatever'?

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

YABU.

[kathyis6incheshigh]

(It put it in perspective when one HV said last time 'Oh, it's nice to see someone bf - you're the first one I've seen all week!' )

[kathyis6incheshigh]

OP - I haven't read the whole thread but I used to feel the same about this until I understood more about the context.
For me, bf was normal (I remember my mum feeding my younger brother) and I had 100% support from everyone around me, which meant everything from dh being happy to shoulder most of the housework to my dad building in extra time for feeding stops on family trips, to no-one being in the least fussed about me feeding at my great-aunt's funeral. In that context I used to think 'why do the NHS go on about it so much? It's not a big deal!'
However after years of MNing I learnt that this is actually sadly unusual (especially in my geographical area) and firstly, lots of women don't get that much support, and secondly, some are surrounded by people under the impression that bf is not as good as ff!
I think you just have to remember that the 'Good girl!' attitude (along with all those damn posters and leaflets) is not aimed at you, it's aimed at the mums who are having to actively fight to bf and get negativity about it from people around them.

[piscesmoon]

I think that as soon as people become mothers they get ultra sensitive!
It seems to me that before you open your mouth, you have to really think what to say because it will be analysed!
She said 'well done'-I don't expect she even thought about it-and if she did it isn't worth it, as any response is likely to be criticised!
On a scale of 1-10 does it matter!!! There are far worse things to worry about!

[pooka]

I'd take it as a compliment. Really - can no health visitor ever say the right thing?

[ItsGrimUpNorth]

Christ. I hope those of you who thinks it's patronising never ever expect any praise whatsoever for any of the parenting work you do.

Just get on with it, would you, and don't ever complain when your graft is taken for granted because if someone shows appreciation and admiration for it, it's patronising. I'm amazed.

Well done, OP. Whether you find that patronising or not, I think you're doing brilliantly at bfing.

[Longtalljosie]

Well - what else is she supposed to say? "Oh, right"? - people would read all sorts into that. Silence? Indifference?

Poor woman couldn't win.

[alardi]

You don't know what HV says to the FF mums. She probably finds a different supportive angle for things to say to them. What should she say, "Oh. Well, anyway, do you have any problems? Because I have lots of paperwork and other people to worry about if you don't need any more of my time I'd like to go take care of them instead. Bye for now, thanks for letting me tick you off today."
Would that be nicer to hear?

[katiestar]

They said that to me as well.Must be in the HV manual !!
.YANBU it is patronising

[Pennybubbly]

YABU

I went to absolute hell and back bfeeding DC2. It was total and utter agony for the first 8 weeks (despite numerous visits & consultations with my lactation consultant / La Leche support). Then it got better.
When I told her (the lactation consultant) it was now pain-free, she actually filled up with tears (she has 15 years experience).
Perhaps I should have punched her lights out?

[raffyandted]

Yes, I think it was meant to be a kind remark, acknowledging tha lots of women do start off with the best of intentions about Bf, but end up giving up early due to physical problems combined with a lack or help or encouragement.

I got several 'well done's and even an 'I think you're marvellous!' whilst I was still in hospital after Ds birth! Mainly because I'd had emergency C-section, Ds was HUGE and v wriggly (9lb 10oz) and I have a disability which made holding him in the right place very difficult on my left boob. I didn't feel marvelloues, I felt ghastly, but I remember even at that early stage as a BF mother I was in the minority on the ward, which I was really suprised about.

I did cave in when Ds was 10 weeks and it was like trying to suckle a litter of piglets..i just couldn't keep him on & he would get into such a rage he'd stop feeding. My lovely GP praised me for lasting that long & said what a wonderful start i'd given DS & I really appreciated it, cos it had been really hard!

[gingerbunny]

We should be praised for bf it's bloody hard work, but worth every last little bit of effort.
I was over the moon when my hv asked me to come and talk to her new mum breast feeding group to offer advise etc, after i bf my first to a year.
i could have quite happily have thumped a gp recentlly though, after I went to him with masitous (sorry can't spell it) and after checking my breast, he told me that it wasn't that bad and what did i want him to do about it!!!

[MorrisZapp]

Just remembered

When my sister went to our lovely GP to tell her she was pregnant, the GP was positively gushing with excitement and praise. Apparently she said 'are you planning to breastfeed' amd my sis said 'er, I suppose so' and the GP was like 'Oh that's AMAZING I'm so pleased to hear it!' with a massive, genuine beaming face.

Awww. I think that really helped my sis. What a lovely doc.