Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit upset my sister has planned her wedding just a month before mine?

178 replies

BorgLady · 27/07/2009 12:50

My sister called me yesterday to say her boyfriend had proposed. I was really pleased for her and I genuinely am, but I later learned that she wants to get married next summer, just a month before my wedding (which has been booked for a couple of months).

I don't begrudge her her wedding, but she and her boyfriend both earn well and have no children, so she will be able to afford a much bigger affair than mine and have it in a much nicer place with all the family I have decided I can't afford.

I can't help but feel a bit deflated about my plans now, particularly as she wants to wear my mum's wedding dress, which I was also planning to wear.

She is a different size to me, so I am not sure there will be time to alter it between weddings, and now everyone will have seen the dress (including my boyfriend who is not supposed to see it before the big day) just a few weeks before I wear it.

I know material things aren't supposed to matter, and that it's the marriage that's important and not the wedding, but I can't help feeling I've had my thunder stolen.

Am I just being a bitch, or would anyone else feel this way?

OP posts:
Tortington · 27/07/2009 14:32

i think its very thoughtless of her.

i would kick her in the fanjo

mehgalegs · 27/07/2009 14:35

I'd be pissed off. My parents did this to my dad's older brother over 40 years ago and my aunty is still bitter .

plonker · 27/07/2009 14:35

I would be extremely pissed off and don't think YABU at all.

Go with Custy's plan

kitsmummy · 27/07/2009 14:36

Borglady, you HAVE to have this out with her. She's behaving like an absolute bitch, don't let her get away with it

paisleyleaf · 27/07/2009 14:44

We got married a couple of months before my BIL, they'd been planning a year or so. And we decided 6 weeks before our wedding to get married. I don't think we stepped on their toes as we had a very different sort of day; quiet, family only, low budget affair in our garden. But maybe there might've been some grumbles we don't know about.

I don't know what to say about the dress.....that is annoying. Especially as you already had dibs on it.
I can't see that you'll be happy wearing a month after your sister unless it has some drastic alterations, to make it a new dress out of the old one.
Although it sounds like you've got your mum on side re the dress....perhaps she can talk her round.

anniemac · 27/07/2009 14:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Deemented · 27/07/2009 14:50

Or, if you can't have it out with her, spike her wedding toast with laxatives...

roulade · 27/07/2009 14:51

My sister did this to me and it really peed me off. I had to travel 800 miles to go to her wedding in the middle of high season (ran a hotel) then she didn't bother turning up to mine!!!

gagamama · 27/07/2009 15:08

I'd tell her that you can't afford to go to her wedding as it's so soon before yours and you're already on a tight budget. I'd also get the invites sent out immediately - make sure everyone knows she's the one trying to upstage you, not the other way around!

Could you also perhaps give your mum a small amount of money in return for the dress, as you have in effect then bought it and it becomes yours?

When it comes to weddings I am firmly of the opinion that less is most definitely more.

Dizzyclarebear · 27/07/2009 15:29

Go to your mum's house tonight and collect the dress.

After this is done tell her you are having the dress as that's already been agreed. Let her throw a tantrum if she wants. You can 'deselect' her as a bridesmaid if she does. DO NOT give it back. (Get it to the tailor you're going to use for the alterations ASAP)

Also, please tell her she's upset you, she might be 'ruthless and used to getting her own way' but she's your sister and it's going to make matters worse if you let it eat away at you. Give her the chance to put this right. The longer you leave it the harder it will be for her to change it. She's only said she 'wants' to get married next summer, is it booked?

And as others have said, get your invites out now!!!! (Or at least 'hold the date' cards)

roneef · 27/07/2009 15:30

I would be seriously pissed off. Is there any simmering resentment from the past that's rearing its ugly head?

I don't understand why she would do this tbh.

Stigaloid · 27/07/2009 15:37

YANBU - i would be extremely upset, especially as she is a bridesmaid for you and knows of all your plans.

Your mum needs to say you asked first for the dress so it is up to you whether you are willing to share. If your sister is smaller than you then there is no way you will be able to wear it after her as dresses can always be amended downards but not upwards, so if she cuts out a whole host of material you won't be able to get the dress back in the style it originally came in.

I'd be seriously annoyed. Your plans were in place first and she must know how upsetting her actions are.

Congrats on your engagement x

NigellaTufnel · 27/07/2009 15:41

Who'll look better in the dress?

Mon13 · 27/07/2009 15:44

Can you bring forward your wedding and not tell her?
I feel so so angry on your behalf.

trixymalixy · 27/07/2009 15:50

YANBU about the dress, I would be livid about that.

The date of the wedding thing is a bit annoying but not that big a deal really.

mumeeee · 27/07/2009 15:57

YANBU. I would speak to your sister about how you are feeling and ask her to change her plans if she is able to. Also ask your Mum to tell her you are having the dress.

sugarpop · 27/07/2009 16:01

Someone I knew tried to upstage my quiet low key perfect wedding by holding theirs a couple of months before hand.

She started dating and proposed to the groom after our wedding was announced and arranged and it felt like a deliberate attempt to sabotage us! (complicated story but interlinked families)I was mildly annoyed but amused she felt the need to do what she did.

Hers was lovely but not my taste at all she looked a state and it was awfully expensive and formal.

Mine was cheap, elegant, fun and informal and we loved it, as did the guests some of whom attended both.

Point is both events will be very different, just stay true to what you want for you. I think your sis is being insensitive silly and acting like a spoilt brat. But you can rise above it and have your very perfect day!

SoupDragon · 27/07/2009 16:07

I would be seriously p*ssed off too. However, he only thing I think you can stand firm on is the dress. Tell her in no uncertain terms that you are wearing it at your wedding and that she knew that before she made her plans.

MadEyeballsMoody · 27/07/2009 16:17

Oh I get pissed off about all sorts of things like this. My SIL arranged her wedding for 3 days before our anniversary (not even our wedding!) and another SIL has booked her wedding for the day before DD's 2nd birthday. We are all staying in a hotel that night and so will have to rush home to do any sort of party for dd, only no one will want togo as they'll be shagged out from the wedding!

I just don't want anyone sharing those little bits of year IYSWIM, not even anything to do with clashes. It's damned unreasonable but I have a little private sulk anyway

madeindevon2 · 27/07/2009 16:18

i remember my now sister in law going nuts when i announced i was getting married 4 whole months before her.
in a country house.
my brother even called me to ask me to wait til following year or change or the venue. (my OH had been married before so country house/hotel only real option for us anyway...especially in devon!) and we had wanted my FIL to be there...as it was he died before the big day unfortunately....
apparently i was rude to even consider gettting married in the same year
anyway it all blowed over in the end....

MadEyeballsMoody · 27/07/2009 16:18

Oh, just read the OP properly . I'd be seriously pissed off about the dress, seriously seriously pissed off.

Rosie29 · 27/07/2009 16:19

YANBU, your sister sounds like a jealous bully. Stand up to her.

madeindevon2 · 27/07/2009 16:21

agree, re the dress that is defo NOT ON.
like someone else said. if ur mum already promised to you the GO GET IT NOW!

Jackstini · 27/07/2009 16:28

YANBU about the dress, she must be a complete numpty to think you would be happy wearing it on your wedding day after your df had seen her in it a month before! Go get it asap and hold firm on this one.
On the date, I guess it is up to her but tbh I would never do this and would not be happy, plus I think she is being inconsiderate to both you and any guests that will attend both weddings.
Is she older and feels she cannot let her younger sister 'beat her to it'?
I would also start a thread on 'what was the best thing about your wedding' and then you will get lots of personal ideas AND if her wedding is first you can pick all the things she missed
For photos - have some cameras on the table for guests to snap away for you.

mazzystartled · 27/07/2009 16:30

I think the dress is the only problem

Your wedding will be different, wonderful and YOURS.

If you announced it first I think you have first dibs on the dress by rights.

Swipe left for the next trending thread