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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to enjoy wine every night?

218 replies

barnsleybelle · 25/07/2009 17:49

Been to a football gala today with ds and got involved in a discussion about drinking.
I probably drink at least 2 glasses of wine every night. Sometimes half bottle sometimes full.
DH works away so my nights when dcs are in bed are my time. I look forward to my wine.
Anyway equal amounts of mums at the gala either agreed with me or were horrified.
What's the general opinion on here i wonder???

OP posts:
Snorbs · 25/07/2009 19:18

Expat, you're right in saying that calculating alcohol consumption in "units" is a UK thing. However, in the US they do the same thing, and have more-or-less identical recommended limits, but under the name of "standard drinks".

SGB, the recommended limits aren't totally made up; there have been long-term alcohol consumption studies that demonstrate increased risk of disease the more people drink. Sure, they don't take into account variations across the population but the idea is to make it simple enough for people to easily understand.

And I disagree about your definition of what constitutes a problem. By your standards, my ex didn't have a problem as she didn't feel particularly rough most mornings, she managed to make it into work every day before she got made redundant, and we could afford it as I had a good-paying job. So no problem, right?

Away from all that, though, her drinking caused immense problems in our relationship (and for our children) as she becomes aggressive and volatile when drunk. She didn't feel particularly rough when she woke up because she was used to it. I think she'd largely forgotten what waking up properly sober actually felt like. She could last a day or two without a drink but couldn't reliably control it once she started drinking.

More to the point, she undoubtedly had a significant drink problem back then when she was doing a bottle of wine a night for years. And she's a self-confessed alcoholic today.

sleeplessinstretford · 25/07/2009 19:27

we have wine i'd say 4 out of 7 days a week,only a bottle between us but if i go out (and i do at least weekly) i can really really knock it back.
John Thomson (the comedian/actor bloke) was talking recently about his alcoholism and he says he never thought he had a problem with drink as he used to stop drinking completely when he was working/for months on end just to prove he could do it and then one day someone said to him 'why do you feel the need to do that' and that was when it hit him.
I suspect we should look at what we drink and why we drink it quite soon.

missmapp · 25/07/2009 19:35

DH and I used to drink the same as you, and then when we were trying for ds1 ( about 5-6yrs ago) we cut down to only having a couple of glasses at the weekend, and have stuck to it. It wasnt as hard as ithought it would be and we both feel much better ( and lost weight!) Its actually lovely on a friday night to think' Oh I can have a glass of wine tonight@ and now I really enjoy it. However - I dont think we were dependent when we stopped, and I wouldnt be worried if we were still drinking that amount IYSWIM

barnsleybelle · 25/07/2009 19:35

snorbs... I'm not volatile or aggressive when i have a drink, i'm not drunk and can reliably control it.

Have you actually read my OP? I enjoy a few glasses of wine when my dcs are tucked up. Just because i do and so did your ex does not mean we all end up volatile aggressive and unable to control our consumption.

OP posts:
8oreighty · 25/07/2009 19:35

for me it's my only treat...which sounds a bit lame, but it's something I look forward to, and it takes me away from the piles of washing, or just the groundhog dayness of things, and makes me feel all relaxed and happy. Just one glass of wine does that, so I think it can't be that bad...

Snorbs · 25/07/2009 19:43

barnsleybelle, I neither claimed nor implied that you get aggressive. If you notice, I was responding to SGB's criteria for what she sees as signs of a drink problem.

hercules1 · 25/07/2009 19:45

I have no idea if op has a problem or not but I do know that deciding by asking if you could go without for a few days is not accurate at all. Many alcoholics can go for long periods of time without drinking. It means nothing.

barnsleybelle · 25/07/2009 19:50

snorbs.. thought you were suggesting i was a slippery slope to violence .

OP posts:
Nancy66 · 25/07/2009 19:50

I completely understand - I have this rule that I can't drink until 6pm, and sometimes at 5.45pm I'm just watching the big hand move second by second.

it's right at the government recommended unit information was plucked out of the air.

But the only thing that makes me curb my drinking is the proven link between booze and breast cancer. I have two very close friends who have succumbed to breast cancer in recent years and both were big drinkers.

Depressing but it does worry me.

TrillianAstra · 25/07/2009 19:51

A night when I drink a whole bottle of wine iss a big night.

But half a bottle of wine with dinner is normal, IMO.

If you're worried I would suggest switching to gin and tonic or similar on some nights, and get a measurer so you have single mesures. A bottle of wine is at least 9 units (for 12% wine, up to more like 11 units for a full-bodied red).If you have two single (25ml) gin and tonics that's 2 units. Half a bottle of wine is probably 2 glasses and is 4.5-5.5 units.

barnsleybelle · 25/07/2009 19:53

nancy... pmsl at your big hand comment. I have no time rule tbh. It's usually when the dcs have gone to bed but if the sun is shining and they are playing out i may pour a glass to have in the garden.

OP posts:
TrillianAstra · 25/07/2009 19:54

You're making me want a drink now

bibbitybobbityhat · 25/07/2009 19:55

Thats my incentive too Nancy. And the two stone I've been saying I'm going to lose for 8 years now ...

barnsleybelle · 25/07/2009 19:56
OP posts:
blinks · 25/07/2009 20:02

it's the drinking equivalent to 20 fags a day.

can't you just take up knitting?

knit yourself a wine cosy.

expatinscotland · 25/07/2009 20:03

I think people have gotten so paranoid and self-examining and analysing that anyone who enjoys drink relatively moderately and isn't all obsessed by it or counting every single unit (how on Earth can you enjoy anything if your mind is whirring around calculating? that's why I never counted calories, it just ruined any enjoyment I had of the food I was eating) is seen as an alcholic or problem drinker who will certainly end up on skid row.

I'm concerned that so many sheeple blindly accept government 'recommendations' without first questioning the hows and whys of them because I don't trust the government with my health, I trust myself and my own instinct.

That's teh problem, people don't keep in touch with or attuned to themselves anymore, instead they look for validation from someone (strangers online) or something (the government's units) else for their behaviour instead of, 'I like a couple of glasses on wine a night, it's not affecting my life negatively, so slainte!' (ditto, I like a scoop of ice cream, a bar of chocolate, etc.).

ilovemydogandmrobama · 25/07/2009 20:08

Expat, I need your permission for a glass of wine tonight

expatinscotland · 25/07/2009 20:11

I'll freely give it, ilovemydog, if you give me permission to dig into this red beans and rice with sausages with, erm, Fritos crushed in.

ilovemydogandmrobama · 25/07/2009 20:16

Done! Am having a bean stew too! Black eyed peas meet crock pot

CyradisTheSeer · 25/07/2009 20:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

expatinscotland · 25/07/2009 20:28

Mmm, ilovemydog, that sounds fab. I know this certainly is!

pointydog · 25/07/2009 20:38

my general opinion is that's a fuck of a lot of wine

expatinscotland · 25/07/2009 20:39

My opinion is that I'd never ever be able to afford that, but if others can and don't have a problem with it, on they go!

canttouchthis · 25/07/2009 20:46

hate to think what the state of your liver is going to be in in 10 years time

I drink about once a month, because I don't tolerate alcohol well. Even then, I only drink maximum of two glasses of wine (with a meal!).

I could easily go months though without drinking alcohol. Chocolate is my downfall

qwertpoiuy · 25/07/2009 21:02

I started drinking at 18, but one glass of Ritz would do me for the night (there was no danger from somebody lacing your drink in those days). I moved to London at 19 and started drinking to get drunk as I enjoyed the sensation of being drunk, being able to get away wirth saying things I wouldn't normally have the courage to, and generally having the reputation for being a "wild woman" who was normally shy and reserved.

But when I had children and going out was non-existent I started having a glass of wine every 3rd evening. That became a glass every second evening. Then a half bottle every afternoon, as I was craving for the stuff! So I knew this was the beginning of the road to alcoholism and I made the decision to stop drinking in February 2006. I have never looked back and I don't regret it.

It's difficult to know how to advise you OP, by coming on to Mumsnet you must feel deep down you are drinking too much.

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