to ask people to take their shoes off and how would I do it?

[Pennybubbly]

OK, not a huge one in the grand scale of things, but here goes.
I've lived in Japan for 14 years now and am married to a Japanese bloke. We have 2 young dcs.
We will be moving back to the UK in the future and one of the customs here that has stuck with me is how everyone is expected to remove their shoes before they enter someone's home.
It's principally a matter of cleanliness and if you think about it, when you have small kids rolling around on the floor, it makes sense for it to be on a space where you have not walked in shoes which have in turn walked in cat wee and general dirt outside.
My DH would be horrified if someone came into our house without taking their shoes off (which of course they never do here) and though he accepts it's not the custom in the UK to do so, and would therefore never criticise (of course) friends and relatives who wear shoes in their homes, he would not want people to do so in our house. And neither would I.
So question is: AIBU and how can I ask people in the nicest possible way to respect DH's culture?

Quite a few people, including the OP, are saying they will not have shoes in the house because they have kids who play on the floor. But this is MN, so all of us will have had small children who played on the floor.

So would the non shoe wearers let their small children play on a carpet in a house where shoes wearers or dogs lived? Would they let them play on a floor in playgroups where I have never seen anyone take their shoes off? Or in a school hall? Or in a park or a field?

The husband from another culture explanation seems fair enough. It is the cleanliness explanation that seems to be a bit judgey towards the guest.

Edam - people who come to my house are my friends, so already know how anal I am! Thus most won't need to be asked!

Not guests. Guests are people who have been less than 3 times to visit, and who don't make their own cuppa!

'shoes off please'?

yy millie, none of our children have suffered the ill effects of having been in contact with shoe-sullied carpet fibres.

It's just that in this house we leave our shoes in the porch

In many of the countries I've livedin, shoe wearing inside is height of rudeness. I've grown to accept it as norm and yep,I'd rather not have dog shit and strangers' phlegm in my house.
I think the shoes lined up in our porch convey the message.

I am glad someone else has the 3 visit help yourself rule. It's not just a cleanliness thing, taking your shoes off just shows a bit of respect for other peoples property or culture as the case may be.

Jemli , mum's rules as we grew up, it stuck! Most of them don't even knock before coming in either!

And we live in the country, so everyone had muddy shoes. Even if they have worn them new, by the time they get into our place, they will be dirty!

Most of my friends respect my property, and those who not think to, are politely reminded of the no shoes and take them off without question. Never had any issues from any of them, and they are not backward in coming forward in their opinions. I really don't see the issue with it. And I do not care if their socks do not match!

Yes we are on a farm too, although my DH does his best to banish all mud etc. We also have a septagenarian church warden, who sees it as her mission in life to keep her shoe on - even triumphantly announces when she has left muddy footprints over the carpet. I would mention my urge to rugby tackle her to the floor, just kidding so no shock horror faces please, but I am already in trouble for the no shoe policy so will keep that one to myself

Can't believe I am spending sunday evening talking about shoes. However, in all seriousness it is important to my husband ergo it is important to me. I think Penny should put her husband/family first in this matter - true friends will soon get use to it.

I think a lot of this stems from culture/ background. Am genuinely surprised to see the amount of people who think it is rude to ask guests to remove shoes. In my culture (Indian); it is the height of rudeness and huge sign of disrespect not to remove shoes.

It isn't as simple a matter of valuing carpets over guests....I grew up with no shoes in house rule, so to me it is second nature.

I never take my shoes off when entering other people's houses. I pointedly wipe my feet vigorously which seems to stop the 'can you take your shoes off' shit immediately. In my house I have a rule that all shoes must be kept ON and steadfastly refuse to allow people to remove their shoes. I cannot cannot abide people who insist on making guests remove their shoes. The majority of people go from their house to their car to a guest's house so hardly likely to be tramping through mud.

well just beware of the guest with the holey socks ! But I think it is more common than supposed especially among older generaion. But that seems to do more with preserving the carpet.

generation that is.

Maybe having had a situation previously where someone did traipse dogshit all over the floor has made me rather more sensitive to this.

If I went into a house where they said 'no shoes' I'd comply - doesn't 'your house your rules' apply?

In my house, it is considered rude to not eat a meal that has been cooked for you. But I would not request that a guest ate if they were not hungry.

Because it is inhospitable to expect people to obey your rules, and just plain bizarre to order other adults about.

Milly - but why should I, for example as someone who wants no shoes in the house, have to spend time, effort and money to clean my carpets when people traipse mud through, just so I do not appear rude? it is my home, and I think respect should be given if people come to visit. Its not like you are imposing your rules on them in their house, making them take their shoes off! Let them do as they please in their own homes, or other people's houses who do not mind. I really do not think its a big deal at all.

We just ask everyone who comes to take their shoes off - everyone knows to do it, pretty much. Rows of shoes in the hall!

I don't think it's at all rude - you can see how much muck gets onto laminate floors, so thinking about the carpets makes me feel quite ill - much better to ask people to take their shoes off and that's that.

Sorry but why is it considered inhospitable to obey someone else's rules? Strikes me as basic manners but there you are...

when im visting someones elses house its automatic to take my shoes of

It's not just germs you tramp in, there's all the diesel particulates and other pollution you'll have on shoes in a town - now they won't do anything much for a baby's immune system, that's for sure.

Unless somone has turned up with obviously soaking wet muddy shoes on, (and that more often than not applies to dc and their pals) I wouldn't expect most adults to tbh.

Say you have friends over for dinner for example - they get a bit dressed up and then you want them hopping about in the hall removing shoes and shuffling about in their socks?! I wouldn't dream of asking them to take off their shoes.

tsar but if they are your friends, and it is what they normally do when they visit, they would wear appropriate socks no, they would not wear shoes that have to stay on? The OP will be starting this from the beginning, so very soon all those visiting for dinner parties etc will know already they will take their shoes off.

oh GOD imagine being asked for dinner and some twonk asking you to take your heels off! i cannot imagine anything worse.

Yes well, having said that I do visit houses where this is expected and I do comply obviously.

But I'm thinking to myself while I'm doing it, sorry but I am.

aitch if my friends wore heels, they would be brand new so not likely to cause any dirt marks! (although I would worry they would dent my floors where I have wooden floors!)