to ask people to take their shoes off and how would I do it?

[Pennybubbly]

OK, not a huge one in the grand scale of things, but here goes.
I've lived in Japan for 14 years now and am married to a Japanese bloke. We have 2 young dcs.
We will be moving back to the UK in the future and one of the customs here that has stuck with me is how everyone is expected to remove their shoes before they enter someone's home.
It's principally a matter of cleanliness and if you think about it, when you have small kids rolling around on the floor, it makes sense for it to be on a space where you have not walked in shoes which have in turn walked in cat wee and general dirt outside.
My DH would be horrified if someone came into our house without taking their shoes off (which of course they never do here) and though he accepts it's not the custom in the UK to do so, and would therefore never criticise (of course) friends and relatives who wear shoes in their homes, he would not want people to do so in our house. And neither would I.
So question is: AIBU and how can I ask people in the nicest possible way to respect DH's culture?

although maybe if there was a big glass bowl in the middle of the coffee table with the host's car keys in it? that might be worse.

I would let people keep them on for a party but then in that situation you'd expect them to turn up in shoes that aren't that dirty anyway.

If I was having a relaxed evening meal with friends with no one especially dressed up then I'd really want them to take their shoes off just the same as normal.

I think most people who usually have a no shoes rule would be capable of spotting the odd situation (like a cocktail party where everyone's dressed up to the nines) where they'd need to make an exception. Parties usually are different, but then houses (not just the carpets in them) nearly always need an extra clean after a party anyway - you expect that. Carpets gradually getting grubbier and grubbier just from people coming in for cups of tea, because they think they're above taking their shoes off to be considerate for someone else, is pointless and unnecessary.

lol, why are you all so WEIRD about your carpets?

lol at reoeated use of the word "traipse" on this thread

there is definitely a strange pathology to this shoe-phobia

If I take my shoes off it's pretty inconsiderate as my feet can be pretty stinky.

I think it's the height of rudeness to make guests uncomfortable by asking them to remove shoes and not provide an alternative. But if you provide guest slippers there's no problem.

(Unless you're trying to shepherd toddlers out of a house. Gather children, put their shoes on, put your shoes on, meanwhile they run back into house so you take shoes off, gather children, hold them by the waist while you struggle to put shoes back on etc etc.)

Not just the carpets, shoes are noisy, big hoofs stomping around. feet pitter pattering along - so much more pleasing to the ear!

Rip those minging carpets out NOW.

I know for a fact we're about to get offered a maisonette in one of the worst blocks in town.

And, aside from the fact that we're staring homelessness in the face, one of the thing's it's got going for it is that it's entirely wood floors.

I'm going to sand those babies down and varnish them or paint them if it's the last thing I do and be done with fecking carpets for the rest of my natural-born life.

I have to say that in 19 years of so-existing with my quadruplegic sister nobody has ever trodden on her, neither has it occurred to any of us to ask people to remove their shoes for her safety

and 'big hoofs' stomping around?!? Do you frequently play host to herds of wildebeeste?

curiouser and curiouser

I do actually think its really really rude to ask.

I don't like dirt from outside being walked into my house.

So I have hard floorings. They are not anything fancy-floorboards. Some sanded, some not.

If you are in rented accomodation, have a crawling baby, and can't take up the carpet, I think thats a different matter. Would NOT be offended then. Ditto a mother with several young kids who can't face more hoovering, etc etc. There are certainly situtations where it would feel ok.

But to keep a bloody carpet in good order? Why? I cannot concieve of spending so much on a carpet that I would have to be rude to people to keep it clean.

A lot of people do notice that we are not wearing shoes, and take theirs off. But I think to ask is somehow to make people less welcome in my home. I want people to feel welcome in my home, far more than I want a pristine carpet.

greensleeves was being a little tongue in cheek there. But, in fact for me personally noise is an issue as I live in flat with very thin ceilings between us and flat below. (and DH stomps everywhere)

why would anyone want stinky socks or verrucca-ridden, calloused feet shedding skin cells all over their carpets?

oh and that is the other thing specialmagiclady

the toddler sitation. I have THREE kids aged 1-5. I do actually avoid a little taking them to houses with a no shoe rule, as jesus it is awful trying to get their shoes back on. One house stands out-this woman, who incidentally has one young child, gets VERY po-faced if a small child runs into her house with her shoes on. So that is a bloody nightmare, as once the process of getting the shoes back on has started, odds are someone will remember they have left something, and I will get tutting as my ill-behaved kids forget to take their shoes off. I am faint just thinking about it.

I used traipse! ...and yes I mean TRAIPSE

What's under them, Riven?

This place doesn't come with carpets at all. Nada. Just bare floorboards, unfinished, too.

And we're so skint we qualify for the mahoosive £175 grant to redecorate'. Oh, cool!

That's enough to hire a sander for a couple of evenings and get it done.

I'm going to probably credit card the varnish.

But nah, no carpets.

We've already been in it. It's a mess.

Brand new electrics, heaters, kitchen and bathroom, though! Four bedrooms, too.

Two floors up and the neighbour across the hall's got a bit of a habit, but hey, it's better than a tent in winter round here.

filly, i do offer to take my shoes off if the pile of shoes is there and everyone else is in socks, but the idea of someone saying 'shoes off please' and nodding towards a shoe rack? my blood would boil.

Speak for your own feet Aitch...

do you know though

eeeeew at carpets generally

they are FOUL things

imagine getting a bit of cloth and treating it with so much crap it repels dirt (a little)

but then there is gravity. So quite a lot of the crap just sits there

huge amounts of dead skin cells, and all the other things aitch spoke of.

eeeew

expat my floorboards are not all sanded, but they have developed a not-unpleasant patina. Yes there is a certain amout of spattered paint and so on, but they do not smell, unlike carpets.

do you know though

eeeeew at carpets generally

they are FOUL things

imagine getting a bit of cloth and treating it with so much crap it repels dirt (a little)

but then there is gravity. So quite a lot of the crap just sits there

huge amounts of dead skin cells, and all the other things aitch spoke of.

eeeew

expat my floorboards are not all sanded, but they have developed a not-unpleasant patina. Yes there is a certain amout of spattered paint and so on, but they do not smell, unlike carpets.

oh goodness yes I do actually take my shoes off anyway, often if even the hosts are in shoes .

but I kind of object to being told to take my shoes off.

And I could NEVER ask anyone to take their shoes off in my house. Because that would make them a little uncomfortable and not at home.