to ask people to take their shoes off and how would I do it?

[Pennybubbly]

OK, not a huge one in the grand scale of things, but here goes.
I've lived in Japan for 14 years now and am married to a Japanese bloke. We have 2 young dcs.
We will be moving back to the UK in the future and one of the customs here that has stuck with me is how everyone is expected to remove their shoes before they enter someone's home.
It's principally a matter of cleanliness and if you think about it, when you have small kids rolling around on the floor, it makes sense for it to be on a space where you have not walked in shoes which have in turn walked in cat wee and general dirt outside.
My DH would be horrified if someone came into our house without taking their shoes off (which of course they never do here) and though he accepts it's not the custom in the UK to do so, and would therefore never criticise (of course) friends and relatives who wear shoes in their homes, he would not want people to do so in our house. And neither would I.
So question is: AIBU and how can I ask people in the nicest possible way to respect DH's culture?

imaynotbe... that reminds me of my nan who confided her confusion as to why everyone took off their shoes when they visited her: 'i don't know why they do it, i tell them its fine, i'm not posh, i can clean my own floor'. She was a bit offended.

DH never has smelly feet; more likely to be me or DD (although if we did we'd go clean them!)

People tend to take their shoes off when they visit us, though we don't ask them to and really don't care whether they do or not. Think it is a combination of having a shoe rack inside the front door and seeing me and dp wandering around in socks. I don't automatically take my shoes off when I visit someone else but wouldn't mind being asked.

I know that i am in the minority, but i wouldn't ask anyone to take off their shoes,people might not tell you that they are offended,but they usually are. I automatically take off my shoes when i go to peoples houses, but i would hate it if i was asked to remove my shoes. What really pisses me off are those individuals who ask you to remove your shoes when you go to their homes,but think nothing about stomping on someones pale coloured carpets when they visit anothers home.

i have floorboards downstairs so friends don't take off shoes. kids do though, the minute they get in they all seem to kick their shoes off all over the hall. mine in others houses too, guess it is the new generation!

i have a very loose "no shoes on carpet" rule for living room/upstairs and tend to follow it in people's houses. I keep them on if they have hard floor, but remove if carpet.

only place i deliberately don't take my shoes off is MIL. lots of cats, never seen a hoover. i want my shoes on for protection!! (dh is always telling me off about it as she is a shoes-off person).

so back to OP, if that's what you want then just do it. you'll only have to ask once.

My son lives in Turkey where everyone takes off their shoes on entering a house-there is always a selection of slippers by the door for those who want them.I think its a great idea and find that people here will always take off their shoes if you say,'would you like slippers or are you ok without?'

We've had a no-shoes in living room, since DH allowed me to choose a carpet with the colour "polar bear" during last few months of first pregnancy (crazy man). Nobody has minded, in fact most people have automatically taken them off, apart from one friend who brought her 2DCs round wearing heavy boots, covered in mud - stomped into the living room before I could say anything, opened patio doors for the kids to run outside and let them run back in in their wellies - yes it was a rainy day and they did have mud all over their boots! - carpet is now wrecked, we can't get the mud out even with carpet washer, so have given up and are having wooden floors put down. Carpet lasted 3 years, so could be worse.

Will still take shoes off though, as agree with the sentiment, that shoes have been stomping around in all sorts of crap (literally) outside. Only time I objected to being asked to remove my shoes was by friend with light carpet, - who insisted you took shoes off on doorstep, before even entering the door - small cottage and front door straight into living room. This particular eve was throwing it down with rain and I was soaked by doing it. (why oh why didn't she get a rug I will never know!!!) - I still did it politely though - just drank an extra glass of wine to make up for it .

my SIL is Japanese and when you go to their house there is a big stack of slippers and flip flops in various sizes for you to put on. We just never thought a thing about it...it is important to her we don't wear our shoes in the house so we don't. Simple. Me and OH are always happy to take our shoes off in other peoples' houses, think nothing of it.

So...I would suggest that if people look like that are not going to take their shoes off you can just say oh would you mind removing your shoes, there are some slippers here if you would prefer etc...

the ONLY problem I have with it is that sometimes their (my bro and SIL) house is really cold and I get very cold feet but that is only a minor issue!

Why would people be offended at removing their shoes? People who think their shoes aren't dirty must think they fart perfume too!

I have no shoes in my house, mainly as the living room is upstairs and you have to go up the carpeted stairs. I started when we moved into the house as the road outside wasn't finished and it was a filthy muddy track, it would have made the most awful mess of my new house, and then stuck with it after that.

I don't insist, though I don't like it when people don't. And I really don't understand whats offensive about it...people have alsorts of mud and dog poo on their shoes....

we are not a shoes off house unless they are full of sand, then yes, off at the door

however, I always ask when visiting elsewhere if it is shoes off or on

I would not have a problem either way, when in rome etc

however, I can't help thinking of an episode of sex and the city and her shoes were stolen and her outfit was 'ruined' when she had to take them off

what do you do at dressy parties?

I tell people " this is a shoes off house , please" sometimes I then go to say," we're a little bit German / Japanese about it, " Never had someone refuse.

Admittedly, I don't ask 100% of time, gas engineer for example, I wouldn't expect to go up the loft ladder etc in his socks. Estate agents have been fine about it. with people looking round house ( we are selling) I tend to let it go if a dry day or they are older and ask them to remove if its a wet day.
MOST people on seeing the pile of shoes in our porch take them off anyway or at least ask if they should.

Shoes off in this house as well, people have to walk up the grass to get to our front door (cannot afford to get proper path put in and until we do) it's shoes off after my mother trampled dirt all through the house and watched DD1 try to eat it we don't use our front door either but the side door which opens onto the hard kitchen floors. Am considering wooden floors.

thinking about it, one of the gas engineers* DOES take his shoes off before he goes into teh living room to check teh fire. bless him, I don;t ask, he just does it. Maybe he lives in a shoes off house too.

• small firm so we see one of two blokes.

The only people who have never removed their shoes in my mothers house were the police..lol

i only spent a couple of weeks in japan and really liked the taking off the shoes thing, made sense. i have a rule of no shoes upstairs as i have carpets upstairs and it's easy to adhere to as visitors don't really go upstairs, so no awkwardness.

i'd go with it and say it's a cultural thing, which it is. people will find it fascinating i reckon. are you going to leave some nice slippers out as well?

We have a whicker basket by the door with shoes in it, all my mindees automatically take their shoes off when they come in and put them in it.

It would be polite to remove muddy shoes, but I can't help thinking that asking people to remove their shoes on a dry day is over the top.

It strikes me as a bit of a precious thing to do, and whilst I always remove shoes if asked, I always do a mental cat's bum face, and never see the person in quite the same light again.

There is an easy answer to the carpet question - don't have cream near the door.

And as for the children on the floor issue - what about letting them develop an immune system?

Obviously, if you're stuck with a cream carpet, or your child is immunocompromised, that is a different matter.

Get a doormat
Problem solved

I would never expect people to remove shoes in my house (but then I am a slattern )

It certainly wouldn't offend me to be asked to do so, however. Your house, your rules - just ask confidently and I'm sure people will take it in the right spirit.

Normally would say it is rude to ask people to do this; in your case however, entirely respectful and justified.

Pennybubbly - Japan is a wonderful country. We have a long standing Japanese friend and DW has been there many times. Your chldren will be bilingual and very employable for ever.

We insist on people taking shoes off in our house. Most people accept it happily and many offer. DW and I always offer when I go to other peoples houses. Estate agents especially annoy me who march into our house with a client and just walk around in dirty outdoor shoes.

Taking shoes off is a great way to keep carpets and the home clean. One way to get round asking is to just offer slippers to people as they enter your home.

I really dislike the offer of slippers-even if they are washed I wouldn't be happy to wear them. I can understand people asking for shoes off if it is the culture, but giving out slippers is horrible!

I would prefer it if people would take their shoes off in the house and me and my husband automatically take off our shoes. Most people do so it's not a problem although sometimes if people don't and I don't notice, then I feel awkward asking people to take them off especially if they have already walked through the house in this case I usually let it go but quietly seethe!

If we are having a party I don't ask guests to remove shoes as often they going in and out from the garden, house and conservatory and I want people to feel comfortable, not constantly removing their shoes everytime they want a change of scenery. In this circumstances I usually give the carpet a good clean afterwards.

What annoys me the most is people who have a 'shoes off policy' in the house but have no problem tramping around our house in their shoes, boots, smelly trainers etc.

I would always expect to take my shoes off when going into someone else's house; however it does really irritate me when they ask you to take them off before you've even had a chance to do so! The subtle implication is that you're too dirty to sully their beautiful home.