to ask people to take their shoes off and how would I do it?

[Pennybubbly]

OK, not a huge one in the grand scale of things, but here goes.
I've lived in Japan for 14 years now and am married to a Japanese bloke. We have 2 young dcs.
We will be moving back to the UK in the future and one of the customs here that has stuck with me is how everyone is expected to remove their shoes before they enter someone's home.
It's principally a matter of cleanliness and if you think about it, when you have small kids rolling around on the floor, it makes sense for it to be on a space where you have not walked in shoes which have in turn walked in cat wee and general dirt outside.
My DH would be horrified if someone came into our house without taking their shoes off (which of course they never do here) and though he accepts it's not the custom in the UK to do so, and would therefore never criticise (of course) friends and relatives who wear shoes in their homes, he would not want people to do so in our house. And neither would I.
So question is: AIBU and how can I ask people in the nicest possible way to respect DH's culture?

god, your houses all sound bogging. why on earth are you making such a fuss about carpets?

comfort only a pound at our local shop - on offer

although surf do a nice one - and there are some other trendy sorts on the market - silk ro satin or something poncey - so much nicer to look at than washing liquid - which in itself is getter better and nicer

i mean what is it with the HUGE lenor bottles - there is no where to put it - except under the sink - NO NO NO i want to put it in a high cupboard - becuase ...becuase...i duno i think its amum safety thing that won't turn off

kids and carpets - carpets = fucked just accept it.

I suppose you're right, I should wait until my house is a bit nicer before I qualify for having people condescend to respect our family habits.

Or maybe what I should do is get someone like you to look through the window first - then you can say whether we hit the right note? Not too Hyacinth Bucket (disqualified on grounds of being pretentious and fussy), but not too shabby (disqualified on the grounds that it's just not worth the effort to keep relatively clean). Or perhaps I could skip that inspection by proving a certified family link to a country such as Japan so I can say it's my culture?

if people come round for dinner and it is dry, it doesnt particularly bother me if they all stay with shoes on.Admittedly they wud look a tad silly in their smart clothes but even then some offer to remove their shoes of their own accord.But a party of 20 teenagers walking thro the streets and passageways to get to my house, not a chance of letting them. They do it automatically

Aitch it's not about the carpets woman!

Hmm will have to give that some thought. I wouldn't want to be getting above myself by thinking it might be up to me...

oh it's up to you alright. no question about that. it's just not welcoming and a lot of people (not all, you don't for example) but a LOT of people find it rude.

you are completely at liberty to be rude to your guests, as are they to note your rudeness.

swish 'people like you' can you be specific with regards to whom you are pissed at.

cheers

oh its Aitch - great.

i thought it couldn't have been me as i don't offend anyone.

lol.

what about holy socks

"oooh will just pop round mrs swishes for a brew and a chat...uh oh! have i got holy socks on...are they inside out....are they the same colour....are my shoes dirty - with general sweaty dirtyness that comes with wearing shoes and no socks - and ergo are my feet now dirty.

fuck it lets go to costa"

So I should hide all our family shoes and generally create the impression that we all wear shoes in the house?

I've hardly ever actually asked anyone to take their shoes off - they usually get the hint - so anyone thinking that's rude, well really that's their problem.

And if you don't want to see me enough to be arsed to put on a pair of socks you're happy with then that's fine, your choice! Most people I'm friends with aren't that precious about not showing off their holey socks, or they can take thirty seconds to find some they're happy to wear!

And I'm off for a looooong time now, so either of you can use the space below (above?) to enjoy the last word .

Oooooh, goodness! A thread of mine that's taken off!
Some interesting - and strong - opinions here.
Just to clarify (though most of you seem to have 'got' the main issue) - I'm not being precious about our carpets (in fact we don't even have any carpets to be precious about) - it is more a cultural thing that I have adapted to over the years with my DH being Japanese and it is something I feel I would like to continue when we return to the UK.

Why do I feel strongly? Certainly not because I put the value of my (imaginary) precious carpets above the comfort of a guest (though why asking someone to remove their shoes would make them uncomfortable is a little in my opinion). Rather it's because of the dirt factor. We use the floors in my house to sit on, to lie on (yes we do have a sofa, but we also sit on the floor to eat off a low table too).
If that makes us precious, so be it .
Thanks to all of you that have posted suggestions with how to go about 'asking' guests to take their shoes off. I think I'll go with the not-say-anything approach and hope they notice - if not, use the my-husband-is-Japanese approach and hope I haven't mortally offended them!

Interestingly, at my husband's office (carpeted) in Tokyo, everyone wears slippers and leaves their shoes at the entrance-way. As amusing to see a suited businessman in slippers as it would be to see a lady in a cocktail dress with slippers perhaps!

I laugh at Hyacinth Bucket who makes her guests so uncomfortable in her home that they would do anything rather than visit-I didn't realise that it was replicated all over the country by 'precious' carpets!
I know someone who doesn't let her grandchildren past the kitchen-how sad is that?!
I think adults are quite able to judge the state of their shoes-if they have been on a muddy walk they take them off, if they come to dinner they are part of the outfit and clean.
I wouldn't feel offended if it was part of the culture, but otherwise I would try to avoid visiting.

I mean thats what a lot of this comes down to, isn't it.

"my house my rules."

vs

"making the guest feel comfortable"

Where do you people live that you're constantly treading in dog shit? I agree, this is by far the dirtiest place I've ever lived in or seen in Europe. But for the most part dog shit is easily stepped round, even in Edinburgh.

I'm surprised people feel so strongly about this.

It wouldn't bother me at all to be asked to take my shoes off. Would make me feel comfortable actually, being offered a nice pair of slippers. A duvet would be most acceptable too. I'd kind of assume that the slippers are regularly laundered (the Japanese neighbour I had years ago used to have a "used slippers" bag at the door, so when you left, you chucked them in there and they went in the laundry rather than back on the shoe shelf, so you were never getting a pair that had been used by somone else).

I have French girls staying with me atm and they always take their shoes off as soon as they come in the door - my kids don't. I think this is much more common than it used to be.

argh - missed the point of my anecdote with the Greek coworker complaining she shouldn't be asked to take shoes off as she wouldn't feel welcome - she also thought guests should be allowed to smoke in non-smoking hosts homes.

I suspect 30 years ago more Brits would have agreed with her, and in 30 years time most people will be shoes-off types. Hopefully with more awareness than some people need seats in order to take shoes off.

I am presuming that the people who ask visitors to remove shoes in a chirpy voice are also the kind of people who will not own a dog because they shed hairs in the house.

It would be very unreasonable to make people take off their shoes if you had a pet in the house. I have dogs, so it would be outrageous of me to expect people to walk on my foul floors with no shoes on.

Do people not provide slippers for people when they ask them to take their shoes off?

Agree, walking on dirty floors is not on. But I've never come across anyone who asked you to take shoes off, who didn't provide slippers for you. Those little fold over, washable cloth ones.

Am off to start a thread (only slightly related) about whether it's reasonable to expect to take a dog into a friend's house...

I have never been offered slippers in my life except in Japan.
And my MIL, but that was for reasons of warmth. And the slippers looked more mank than the doghairy carpets (probably chewed as well as hairy), so I declined and wandered about in washable socks until I got round to putting shoes on.

'Do people not provide slippers for people when they ask them to take their shoes off?

I hope not! Far worse option than a cold floor IMO.

I've never been offered slippers either! Don't think I'd be too keen on that at all.