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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Children gone on Hols with ex and he wont answer the phone or let me speak to them!!! What can i do???

427 replies

Babywhiting · 23/07/2009 10:38

my 2 children have gone on their hols with my ex we have been seperated for 5 years and he asked if they could go with him he has only ever had them stay 2 nights with him in a row! had the odd night once or twice!

they went friday its now thursday and i have not been able to contact them! my dd has a mobile which i ring and it keeps ringing and the ex just cuts his phone off when i ring, ive sent messages saying id like to talk to the kids which he ignored till yesterday when he sent a message saying
"not got good signal will see if they want to talk to you later"

not a word back no call nothing!

i miss my kids and wish they had never gone! what do i do??

OP posts:
skidoodle · 24/07/2009 07:37

OMG so on the basis of this thread a person could work out that there are children at a campsite?

piscesmoon · 24/07/2009 07:49

I haven't read it all, but it should be done purely for the emotional health of the DCs. Children that young should be able to phone the other parent when they are away, older DCs would be old enough to insist for themselves; parents need to put aside personal differences. The needs of the DC come first-always. I am glad that you got the contact. Parents in a similar situation should take heed.

foreverchanges · 24/07/2009 07:54

do you have an address ,or if you can get one id send a solicitors letter promptly

failing that i think the police too ,sure they would nt mind helping in this situation you must be very worried

my ex does this with me but they spend 3 nights a week with him so its not the same worry

good luck

foreverchanges · 24/07/2009 07:56

sorry did nt read all posts (bit early for me !) ,glad you got contact too

RealityIsGettingMarried · 24/07/2009 08:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

earlyriser · 24/07/2009 08:12

allnew, you obviously have your own agenda, and your own axe to grind, maybe start your own thread to gripe about your own situation instead of hijacking babywhiting's.

wannaBe · 24/07/2009 09:04

I pointed out that the identity of op's children is public knowledge if you look for it - thus their privacy has been breached..

Skidoodle a lot more than just "children at a camp sight" was published on this thread. Names, addresses, telephone numbers etc makes things a little bit more identifyable don't you think?

CrushWithEyeliner · 24/07/2009 09:31

WannaBe ffs

skidoodle · 24/07/2009 09:32

name - the name of the woman who owns a campsite

addresses - the publicly available address of a campsite

phonenumber - the publicly available address of a campsite

The only thing a person could know from reading this thread that they might not have been able to find out from an Internet search is that a lady called Audrey runs this campsite.

"Hello, is that Audrey? I would like to speak to some children at your campsite"

"What are their names?"

"Well I don't know, but apparently you don't like their Dad's dog. Now please put them on to me, their mother Babywhiting has asked me to call"

People on Mumsnet post pictures of their children in their profiles, along with information about the town that they live in. Then they talk at length about their hobbies and the places they go to, sometimes even the school they go to. Jigsaw identification would not be hard for many of the children of MNers.

Whether or not we should fetishise the anonymity of children and whether it harms them more than it keeps them safe is a question for another thread.

Getting the pitchforks out for Audrey and trying yet another way to smear the OP as a bad parent is extremely unfair.

mrsjammi · 24/07/2009 10:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Longtalljosie · 24/07/2009 11:00

It sounds entirely credible to me, mrsjammi - it wasn't to ensure he called twice a week, it was to limit it to twice a week, which the judge agreed to because he said the father was manipulative.

Longtalljosie · 24/07/2009 11:03

Wannabe - I challenge you to identify those children (not publicly obviously - but I challenge you to find out who they are). You couldn't. Children who stayed at a particular campsite isn't enough. If Audrey logged on, she'd know obviously - but that's not enough for public identification

andyourpoint · 24/07/2009 11:24

"if he doesnt call tonight i am to call audrey tomorrow at 8.30 am and she will take the phone over , if he doesnt talk then she said i should phone the police ( i cant believe she thought that too like many of you others)"

Did you get your call?

KIMItheThreadSlayer · 24/07/2009 11:54

Glad you spoke to your children.
Yes your EX was being unreasonable in not getting them to call you, however unless he is a danger to the children (in which case you would not have let them go on holiday with him) I think the whole call the police thing was a massive over reaction,

As a separated parent it is hard to get it right but the main and only concern should be the wellbeing of the children.

All too often dads get a rum deal, I don't mean the drinking, drug using, could not care less w***s but the decent ones who end up with a separated family.
I do not think one parent should have all the rights and power, children are not weapons in a grown ups fights.

If my children are away with their dad I spaek to them every day, and when they are away with me they call daddy every day, we are both their parents and as such neither of us is more important to them then the other

orangehead · 24/07/2009 12:07

Finally finished the thread, I am disgusted by some of the responses.
Babyw I am so glad you got to talk to them, I hope you are ok. You did the right thing.

dittany · 24/07/2009 12:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Haribosmummy · 24/07/2009 13:34

I'm still a bit at this whole thread.

We are pretty much all mothers here, yes?

Well, how difficult is it, regardless of the feelings for the exW (and I am a SM who doesn't get on with DH's ex), to put the kids first and call her?

Surely that is common decency?

If you left your kids with a friend, relative, CM... You would expect to be able to call your kids...

There is no way on earth I could cope with not being able to check on Haribo (who... (and I'm not trying to be aggressive on this thread, really I'm not) was pretty identifiable from what I'd written and on my 'home page - which I've now taken down). Neither would I EVER withold contact between my DSDs and my DH's ex. I might not like her, she may not like me, but she is their mum. End of.

I'm really not having a go at anyone on this thread (I have not read the middle bit) but put yourself in this position. 5 and 8 YO children deserve better than to be used as pawns.

Surfermum · 24/07/2009 13:48

Did anyone actually think what he was doing was ok? I'm not sure they did. There were just varying views about what Babywhiting could or should do about it and they varied from getting the police involved to just chilling about it.

I think Audrey shouldn't have got involved to the extent she did. IMO she should have said she couldn't confirm who was at the site or otherwise, but maybe gone to have a quiet word with BW's ex - or just stayed out of it. And don't say that because I'm right behind her ex trying to prevent any contact - I think he's a right twat for playing that game.

dittany · 24/07/2009 13:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Surfermum · 24/07/2009 14:25

I'm not sure, that's not the feel I got from it. More that the tit for tat thing was an explanation for his behaviour and why she coudln't get in touch, rather than there being anything more concerning going on.

It was such a long thread and I think people responded to different aspects of it, so not everyone piled in with the "he's an arse" type comments (which Wannabee was actually one of the first to say).

lauby · 17/01/2011 15:26

Hello,

This is my first message and not sure if this is the corrrect way or not so please advise if am doing it wrong. The situation is as follows:

I have a son who lives at home with me. I have Residence of him. He is due to come back to me today by 6pm at the latest. This is a Court Order, I recieved a text from the ex who says that he is too ill to travel to return him to me.

I have of course contacted my soliciotor who is trying to get hold of him, but I am very anxious to know when he will be returned to me. I just feel like I am here waiting for something to happen? Is anyone else going through the same thing???

WkdSM · 17/01/2011 15:30

Lauby
You really need to strat a new conversation rather than taking onto an old one
At the top of this page click 'Start a new conversation' - and good luck

taintedpaint · 17/01/2011 15:31

I think you need to start a new thread to get some real advice. This is not a criticism, please don't think it is, but you need some assistance here, so best to start your own thread.

3littlefrogs · 17/01/2011 15:32

lauby, you need to post a new message in "legal".

Click on "start a new thread" and post your message again.

You will get replies that way. This is a very old thread.

SMummyS · 17/01/2011 18:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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