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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Children gone on Hols with ex and he wont answer the phone or let me speak to them!!! What can i do???

427 replies

Babywhiting · 23/07/2009 10:38

my 2 children have gone on their hols with my ex we have been seperated for 5 years and he asked if they could go with him he has only ever had them stay 2 nights with him in a row! had the odd night once or twice!

they went friday its now thursday and i have not been able to contact them! my dd has a mobile which i ring and it keeps ringing and the ex just cuts his phone off when i ring, ive sent messages saying id like to talk to the kids which he ignored till yesterday when he sent a message saying
"not got good signal will see if they want to talk to you later"

not a word back no call nothing!

i miss my kids and wish they had never gone! what do i do??

OP posts:
pooka · 23/07/2009 17:48

I'm with the people who think that this behaviour goes way above and beyond just being a bit of a twat or mildly inconsiderate.

I was be absolutely panicked by not hearing from the children, particularly the sense that this panic was being deliberately induced (mobile phone being cut off and so on).
PLus the likelihood of there being little cell phone coverage when the campsite is apparently slap bang next to a police station (i.e. not in the middle of nowhere) doesn't ring true to me.

I would call the campsite.

CyradisTheSeer · 23/07/2009 17:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

dittany · 23/07/2009 17:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

skidoodle · 23/07/2009 17:50

UQD your "established facts" about F4J were either unsupported assertions or inaccurate.

Are you saying that boys are incapable of making factually accurate statements?

Or are you just being a bad loser?

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 23/07/2009 17:50

UD - that last comment just makes you sound petulant tbh.

UnquietDad · 23/07/2009 17:51

Thanks, but I'm not going to join in. Life's too short.

junglist1 · 23/07/2009 17:52

It's the controlling aspect of it though. I'm not saying he's a risk but it would be a consideration for me. More facts have come to light over the course of the thread that show the background a bit more, but we don't know the children aren't asking for their mum. If they were, his actions would be emotionally abusive.
I hope it's all sorted for you OP

UnquietDad · 23/07/2009 17:52

Especially, having looked at the start of that thread, that it's just an excuse for dittany to have a misandristic sneer, and not a genuinely even-handed opening of a debate.

WarhammerFan · 23/07/2009 17:53

No not conviction pending. He has been convicted and he is awaiting sentencing that's all. He is guitly of a criminal offence. Stick to the established facts, UQD.

duchesse · 23/07/2009 17:54

Sounds like he's being an arse and difficult (possibly/probably deliberately), but if you trust him enough to take them away for a couple of weeks, you have to trust that he is looking after them properly. He probably blames you for the fact he's only allowed to speak to them 2x a week, plus a raft of other things, but unfortunately there's nothing much you can do but sit it out. When your children are a bit older you may be able to prevail on them to call you a couple of times while they're away from you like this, but at their ages they are probably very much living in the present and you would only get calls from them if things were seriously wrong. Sorry.

Also mobile phone reception in the middle of Exmoor is pretty terrible.

GypsyMoth · 23/07/2009 17:55

i find it amusing unquiet dad because you are so,so WRONG with your 'facts' about this shallow group of attention seeking men!

the nation see's them as a laughing stock,and as for putting 'dads' in the public spotlight,well yes they have!! in a very,very negative way!!

how many kids lives have they improved?

to find out the truth about them (and cant say too much about this) then why not join in the guise of a man? the truth becomes a little clearer then!

junglist1 · 23/07/2009 17:56

Sorry but lol at my post "he says he hates you? Call the police" Taken on it's own it looks ridiculous!

myredcardigan · 23/07/2009 17:56

Aww, UQD, shall we talk about everyone having the choice whether to choose state or private education instead?

UnquietDad · 23/07/2009 17:57

He has a conviction, pending. In other words, a conviction pending sentencing. All that was missing was a comma. But it's one man and he's accused of "causing a public nuisance and endangering motorists." Which he probably did. I'm sure he admits it. He's not accused or convicted of anything misogynist, that's my point.

duchesse · 23/07/2009 17:58

I'm sorry UQD, but when yet another F4J stunts hits the headlines, I despair at their apparent inability to behave like adults, and can only surmise that this may perchance be why they are no longer married to their exes.

UnquietDad · 23/07/2009 18:00

Yes, but it's a bit unfair to presume that always behaved liked twats just because they are dressing up as Spiderman. What would you do if the courts deprived you of your children and you thought you could get them back by dressing as Wonder Woman and holding up the traffic?

Original poster
Babywhiting · 23/07/2009 18:01

have phoned the site a lovely lady answered and i told her the whole story, she went to talk to him and had a go at him when he was offered the use of the site phone for free and he said nah ill call her later!
the lady was livid she said i dont like him or his wife i had to tell them off a few times about there dogs being a nuisance!
she has seen both my dc and said they are lovely , my dd said to my ex what does the lady want , he said mum called! she looked so pleased apparently!

if he doesnt call tonight i am to call audrey tomorrow at 8.30 am and she will take the phone over , if he doesnt talk then she said i should phone the police ( i cant believe she thought that too like many of you others)

im pleased but im very scared now!

OP posts:
WarhammerFan · 23/07/2009 18:01

UQD "I couldn't let a factual inaccuracy go unchallenged as it would have looked as if I agreed with it. Being "taken to court" for stunts is not the same thing as being convicted. So you are incorrect there."

And is there a comma missing in the above passage too? Or am I just about understanding your supreme arrogance correctly?

sunfleurs · 23/07/2009 18:03

Well done, you did totally the right thing, at least most importantly your dc know that you thinking of them and ringing them. When they are older they will be able to put this incident into perspective and see what an arse their Dad is.

I am so glad you know they are ok now. Bet he rings you and trys to bollock you for phoning. Be cold and just keep saying "let me speak to me kids" and nothing else.

Thanks for updating, I have been thinking about this all afternoon.

pooka · 23/07/2009 18:03

Well I'm really glad that you now know that the children are safe.

Did he give any reason for not having responded to any of your attempts at contact? I would be livid if I was in your shoes.

dittany · 23/07/2009 18:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UnquietDad · 23/07/2009 18:04

There is nothing inaccurate in that quote.

sunfleurs · 23/07/2009 18:04

me kids? I mean't my of course.

LaurieFairyCake · 23/07/2009 18:05

Why scared?

Your children are fine and are clearly enjoying themselves. This should set your mind at rest a little.

dittany · 23/07/2009 18:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.