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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Children gone on Hols with ex and he wont answer the phone or let me speak to them!!! What can i do???

427 replies

Babywhiting · 23/07/2009 10:38

my 2 children have gone on their hols with my ex we have been seperated for 5 years and he asked if they could go with him he has only ever had them stay 2 nights with him in a row! had the odd night once or twice!

they went friday its now thursday and i have not been able to contact them! my dd has a mobile which i ring and it keeps ringing and the ex just cuts his phone off when i ring, ive sent messages saying id like to talk to the kids which he ignored till yesterday when he sent a message saying
"not got good signal will see if they want to talk to you later"

not a word back no call nothing!

i miss my kids and wish they had never gone! what do i do??

OP posts:
junglist1 · 23/07/2009 18:05

At least you know they're fine. Good on you OP!

flaminhell · 23/07/2009 18:06

No you need to speak to your children, can you imagine the up roar if this was how you treated him. No you ring someone close to him, his mum, dad, sister whoever and tell them you have tried to ring and cant get through, maker it just a mum worried about her kids, no biggy. And if that doesnt work, if they cant or wont get hold of him, then ring the police, they are missing you are their guardian and you dont know where they are or if they are safe.

Sod who thinks you are over reacting, if this was my kids I would be down that campsite by now.

sunfleurs · 23/07/2009 18:07

Did you mean scared of your ex OP?

If so I know how you feel. I think a lot of us on here do.

flaminhell · 23/07/2009 18:07

oh ignoe post, I got crossed somewhere, glad you have sorted it

UnquietDad · 23/07/2009 18:07

Glad you know they are fine and that you will be able to speak to them.

I have gone over to dittany's other thread, not because I want to, especially, but because she is being allowed to misrepresent me unchallenged. There's a surprise.

Morloth · 23/07/2009 18:08

Why are you scared now? You know they are OK - so maybe chat to them tomorrow and then leave it. He is being a twat but as long as they are safe it doesn't matter.

Just make sure he never ever gets to take them away again without something in writing about a call every couple of days.

LaurieFairyCake · 23/07/2009 18:08

Make sure you put a procedure (other people present) when he is due to hand them back as he may well be annoyed with you.

You need to look after yourself - only you know what you've been through.

BCNS · 23/07/2009 18:10

That's great that you know the dc's are fine

if you do call in the morning.. why not ask her to pass the phone straight over to your daughter

when you know they are fine and have had a chat with the dc's try and do something nice for you.

and when they get back sort out some mediation so you can come to an agreement about holidays and contact during.. ready for next time

if it helps.. it does get easier when the dc's get older

booboobeedoo · 23/07/2009 18:10

excellent news babywhiting and sounds like you have a good plan of action too - well done!

Morloth · 23/07/2009 18:13

Also LOL at dittany & UnquietDad taking it outside...

FioFio · 23/07/2009 18:13

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FioFio · 23/07/2009 18:14

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Original poster
Babywhiting · 23/07/2009 18:28

they called me ! i cant type for crying its so awful for them , but i know they miss me by ds said mummy can i talk to you tomorrow i said i dont know, he said i love you mummy!

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 23/07/2009 18:31

great - they called you

Of course they miss you. It's possible they are also having a good time too.

Your job here is to say have a great time and I will see you next weekend if we don't talk before that.

sunfleurs · 23/07/2009 18:33

Babywhiting. If it were me I would keep ringing Audrey every single day that I wanted to speak to my children. His is an arse and is punishing his children in order to be in charge of this situation. I would want to rip his bloody head off if I were you.

It is so sad but your children will remember this and end up disliking their father for it. Think of all the threads you read on here from people who as they have grown up now realise what was really going on when they were children. Keep your chin up, only another week to go. I suspect he may have found it much harder work than anticipated and might not want to repeat the holiday thing anytime soon and your children probably won't want to either.

CurryMaid · 23/07/2009 18:34

Hooray for Audrey! So glad you spoke to them Babywhiting.

dittany · 23/07/2009 18:34

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AnyFucker · 23/07/2009 18:34

omg, I go and read a book, and look what happens!

BabyW, you did the right thing. Try to calm down now love, you know they are safe, that is the main thing. Maybe your dickhead ex will realise now what a twattish thing he did. Or perhaps he will continue to play games, who knows.

When they are back, you need to contact whomever again to sort out regular contact to you for any future holidays he takes them on. That is if you let him, I am sure the courts would look unfavourably on his manipulations this week.

Bloody hell, Dittany took a bit of an unfair kicking on this thread

katiestar · 23/07/2009 18:38

Ok OP so you know they are happy , safe and well.Wanting to phone them sounds like your need not your DCs I can quite understand why he wouldn't want them to speak to you.It might easily unsettle them and make them homesick.On school trips the children are not allowed to phone home for this very reason

RealityIsGettingMarried · 23/07/2009 18:50

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Horton · 23/07/2009 19:03

Audrey sounds like a bloody star. Well done her. And so glad you have spoken to your DCs, babywhiting. Well done you, too, for doing something about it.

pellmell · 23/07/2009 19:12

If I was "audreys" boss I would be having a word with her to be honest. I don't think she should have allowed herself to do anything other than to tell the op that she had passed on a message that she had called.
I thought data protection would have even prevented her from confirming that the party were even there to a member of the public via telephone conversation.
I completely empathise with the mother here re wanting to speak to her children (or let them know she had called but I do recongnise the double standards in relation to absent parents rights and their right to decide what is best for the dc's whilst in their care.
No one else should really be involved should they? unless there was real concerns for the childrens safety!

mrsboogie · 23/07/2009 19:18

but if you ring a hotel and ask to be put through to a guest they will put you through which is in effect the same thing isn't it?

Morloth · 23/07/2009 19:21

Yes but I am not sure Audrey should have gotten as involved as she did. She should have said, I will pass on the message.

How does Audrey know that OP isn't a crazy stalker who wants to disrupt the family on holiday? Also she was sharing quite a bit of information with the OP about paying customers, so yes if I was Audrey's boss and got wind of this she would be in trouble.

Longtalljosie · 23/07/2009 19:25

Babywhiting - that's fab. I hope your mind is put at rest.

I would make a note of all this though - you may need this as a concrete example if you're trying to explain his unreasonable behaviour.