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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Children gone on Hols with ex and he wont answer the phone or let me speak to them!!! What can i do???

427 replies

Babywhiting · 23/07/2009 10:38

my 2 children have gone on their hols with my ex we have been seperated for 5 years and he asked if they could go with him he has only ever had them stay 2 nights with him in a row! had the odd night once or twice!

they went friday its now thursday and i have not been able to contact them! my dd has a mobile which i ring and it keeps ringing and the ex just cuts his phone off when i ring, ive sent messages saying id like to talk to the kids which he ignored till yesterday when he sent a message saying
"not got good signal will see if they want to talk to you later"

not a word back no call nothing!

i miss my kids and wish they had never gone! what do i do??

OP posts:
Fruitysunshine · 23/07/2009 11:01

Sorry, not ALL of you are overreacting.

Original poster
Babywhiting · 23/07/2009 11:02

they are in exmoor house site! so he says!

he wouldnt ever hurt them but he never does anything with them he prefers to sit on his arse and let them play alone or with his wife!

OP posts:
junglist1 · 23/07/2009 11:02

You say he hates you? Ring the police.

Original poster
Babywhiting · 23/07/2009 11:04

he has a court order for his visitation rights with them and he is only allowed to call them 2 times a week , i have all the rights i want i am the main parent , does everything for them and he is a complete crosdressing freak!!!!! sorry im getting upset!

OP posts:
Fruitysunshine · 23/07/2009 11:04

Why mention that you think he just sits on his arse when with them? How do you know for sure what he does when he is with them?

It has gone from mad panic as to thinking he may have abducted them to now he sits on his arse doing nothing with them.

I think you are just having a vent at him because they are obviously enjoying their time with their father and his wife and you have an issue with that - otherwise why would you want to intrude upon their time with their dad?

wannaBe · 23/07/2009 11:06

ffs. Lots of ex's hate each other. That has no bearing on the relationship with the children.

If he has a wife who spends time with them also then I don't see what the problem is.

BONKERZ · 23/07/2009 11:07

they are with their dad. they wont come to any harm.
my DSD has been here now for 2 weeks and the only contact she has had with her mum is the 2 texts i made her send! she regularly stays for 2-3 weeks at a time with no contact with her mum.
I know its hard but we decided a long time ago that when DD was with her mum we should not contact her and when she is with us her mum would not ring, this way DSD doesnt get home sick and can concentrate on having fun and not feeling guilty or being with her dad or her mum. This was a decision made by her mum and my DH and has worked well. DSD is now 8 and absolutely fine. Infact we find it hilarious how she doesnt miss her mum or her dad when she is away! lol

RealityIsGettingMarried · 23/07/2009 11:07

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wannaBe · 23/07/2009 11:08

I agree with fruitysunshine. It sounds like you don't like the fact you're not in control. Why would he only be allowed to call them twice a week?

Perhaps this is the reason why he is not letting them speak to you. Maybe he wants you to feel what it's like.

2rebecca · 23/07/2009 11:09

I would wait until the 2 weeks are up and expect them home having had a great time to be honest. When we go away it's usually to areas with rubbish mobile reception and calling the police just because he won't/can't return your calls sounds completely OTT. If my kids go away with their dad I often just get a postcard and don't otherwise hear from them until they return. Their dad doesn't phone them all the time when they're with me. What exactly are you worried he'll do to them? How do you know your ex is cutting off your kids' mobiles rather than them cutting out because poor reception? It sounds as though you don't trust this man and I'm not sure why you agreed to them going on holiday with them if you really think he'd endanger them.
It sounds as though for future holidays you need to agree on frequency of phone contact and using land lines if no mobile reception.
Missing your kids when they are with the other parent is normal. If you don't think he'd harm them I'd just wait until they get home. If he managed to send you a message you could send 1 to him saying you expect to be able to talk to your kids every few days and won't be happy with them going away for 2 weeks again if he doesn't prioritise them phoning you once or twice a week. I've never done this though, but then I trust my ex to look after them.

RealityIsGettingMarried · 23/07/2009 11:09

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Tambajam · 23/07/2009 11:10

Let's not project our own family situations onto what is going on here. Of course, their father is their parent but this mum is allowed to be worried and want to speak to her kids.

I should add (I have family in Dulverton) that mobile reception there is absolutely appalling. The only network with any coverage is orange and that is also incredibly patchy. You often have to travel miles and get right out of the valley to get a signal. But if the mobiles are down I don't think it's unreasonable to hope for another kind of call.

hester · 23/07/2009 11:11

I don't think the police WILL actually return them. I think what they might do is have a word with your ex, which will force him to ring you. Which won't help make a harmonious relationship but it sounds like you don't have that anyway.

Personally, I would need my mind put at rest, and I would need to establish the principle that a parent has the right to talk to their children (I'm sure you let him talk to his children when they're with you, don't you?)

Buda · 23/07/2009 11:12

I would text your DD's mobile to ask her to call you. I would also text your Ex and tell him you need to speak to the children.

If you don't get to speak to them I would text him again saying that if you don't get to speak to them within an hour you will call the police to check that they are OK.

BONKERZ · 23/07/2009 11:12

obviously i dont know but surely OP would not let her children go with their dad if she felt he was incapable of caring for them???????????????????????????????
I have friends who live in dulverton and the signal is awful especially if they are out in the sticks and not in main village.
agree he is being an arse about not finding a call box but surely if anything had happened to the kids the police would have contacted the OP by now.

wannaBe · 23/07/2009 11:13

so why did he have to get a court order to have access to his children?

2rebecca · 23/07/2009 11:13

It sounds as though she doesn't let him speak to them more than twice a week, which may be part of the problem.

LightShinesInTheDarkness · 23/07/2009 11:14

RIGM - for heaven's sake, the OP hardly wants to hear that.

idranktheteaatwork · 23/07/2009 11:15

"complete crossdressing freak" ??

Wow, sounds like you hate him as much as you say he hates you.

Leave him alone. Let the kids enjoy their holiday. If there is that much animosity between the two of you no wonder he isn't making a huge effort to call.

Stigaloid · 23/07/2009 11:16

I'd phone the site and make sure they are there.

RealityIsGettingMarried · 23/07/2009 11:17

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Message withdrawn

2rebecca · 23/07/2009 11:17

This guy has moved on and has a new partner who he's taken on holiday with him. In this situation men don't harm their kids. This sort of thing makes me wish mobiles had never been invented when people get worked up if there's no mobile signal and they can't be in constant contact.

Original poster
Babywhiting · 23/07/2009 11:17

i would love him to do stuff with the kids but he never did a thing when they were born or after , i know he doesnt play with them he doesnt do "playing"
i have nothing against his wife or him i just want to speak to my kids whats the harm in that!!!!

OP posts:
junglist1 · 23/07/2009 11:18

She said he hates her
The fact he won't allow her to talk to her children shows he has control issues
I'm with Reality on this one

Nancy66 · 23/07/2009 11:18

God you MNetters like to waste police time.

Has he threatened the kids?
As he threatened you?
Has he snatched them?
Is he suffering from mental illness?
Is he on powerful medication?
Has he harmed them in the past?
Is he violent?

If not...then don't waste police time - they have better things to do. They are on holiday with their dad. You let them go. sounds like you don'tlet them speak to him much the rest of the time. He's getting his own back.