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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Children gone on Hols with ex and he wont answer the phone or let me speak to them!!! What can i do???

427 replies

Babywhiting · 23/07/2009 10:38

my 2 children have gone on their hols with my ex we have been seperated for 5 years and he asked if they could go with him he has only ever had them stay 2 nights with him in a row! had the odd night once or twice!

they went friday its now thursday and i have not been able to contact them! my dd has a mobile which i ring and it keeps ringing and the ex just cuts his phone off when i ring, ive sent messages saying id like to talk to the kids which he ignored till yesterday when he sent a message saying
"not got good signal will see if they want to talk to you later"

not a word back no call nothing!

i miss my kids and wish they had never gone! what do i do??

OP posts:
mustrunmore · 23/07/2009 10:39

Where are they, and how old are they?

babybarrister · 23/07/2009 10:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyOfWaffle · 23/07/2009 10:39

Where have they gone? When will they be back? He can get to a phonebox surely....

Original poster
Babywhiting · 23/07/2009 10:42

gone to dulverton, they are 8 and 5 said for 2 weeks but im getting worried! yeah phonebox for sure even the site theyre on has phone!

OP posts:
RealityIsGettingMarried · 23/07/2009 10:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LadyOfWaffle · 23/07/2009 10:43

Can you go down there? Can you ring the place and ask if they are all OK and if they are there?

LadyOfWaffle · 23/07/2009 10:44

Yes, Reality, I'd call the police too. Either something fishy is going on, or he is just being a total arse for not making sure two young children can speak to their mum - either way, they need to be fetched back

junglist1 · 23/07/2009 10:46

Police, now. Let us know what was said.

Original poster
Babywhiting · 23/07/2009 10:46

not sure if police would help my dp says they wont, its too far i have 2 younger children too!

OP posts:
LadyOfWaffle · 23/07/2009 10:48

Of course they would help! You have not heard from your children in nearly a week, despite trying - one text from your ex but have not talked to them. Please please please ring.

RealityIsGettingMarried · 23/07/2009 10:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LadyOfWaffle · 23/07/2009 10:50

I find it suprising a 5 and an 8 year old haven't asked to talk to their mummy yet, especially since they are not used to being away with him for more than 2 nights in a row. I don't want to panic or worry you but certainly after 6 days the police need to be called. Please.

Trashbat · 23/07/2009 10:50

Your DP is not an expert, and you will not know how and whether the police will help you until you call them to explain the situation. Call your local police station; you don't have many other options at the moment.

wannaBe · 23/07/2009 10:51

He is being an arse.

But I wouldn't call the police.

They are with their father and presumably if you didn't trust him you wouldn't have let them go in the first place?

He is seemingly being an arse by not letting you speak to them but perhaps they are having a good time. Perhaps your dd doesn't have any credit, perhaps she has lost her phone.

It must be horrible to not speak to them, esp as this is their first time away. But they are there with your agreement. He hasn't actually done anything illegal that would warrant police involvement.

idranktheteaatwork · 23/07/2009 10:51

Actually, i would text him saying that if he doesn't ring back straight away and let you talk to the kids you will have to speak to the police and arrange for them to be returned to you.

I wouldn't just call the police first, the likelihood is that he is just being arsy with you and doesn't want "his" time interrupted by you.

GoldenSnitch · 23/07/2009 10:52

Here's hoping all is OK

Original poster
Babywhiting · 23/07/2009 10:53

i dont think he'd ever do anything to hurt them but i want to speak to them!

OP posts:
DippyFarquhar · 23/07/2009 10:53

I can understand exactly how you feel. Did you discuss if they would contact you while they're away?

Being generous to your ex, maybe he thinks if they speak to you then they'll get upset and homesick? But, then again, that's no reason for him not to talk to you to see how they are.

I'd be more concerned if they'd left the country but if they're still here then I'd think he's just being a complete arse and controlling the situation. Very hard to sit and do nothing though when you don't know what's happening.

idranktheteaatwork · 23/07/2009 10:54

Cross-posted with wannabe. Agree with her post.

The police should only be a last resort, can you imagine what it will do to the kids of you called the police and had them brought home to you when they were having a perfectly nice time with their dad, even though he is being a dick not letting you talk to them.

LadyOfWaffle · 23/07/2009 10:54

wannaBe - they are 5 and 8. Why hasn't he used a call box to explain the situation? He can clearly text, why can't he send a decent text? I think the worst case scenario is more important to consider than the best case scenario. At worst the police will let her know all is well.

hester · 23/07/2009 10:56

How much do you trust your ex? As a father, I mean, not as a mature and responsible partner (which he's obviously not). Are any alarm bells ringing for you, or do you think he's just being arsey?

I would vote for idranktheteaatwork's suggestion.

If he doesn't respond, I would ring the local police.

Tambajam · 23/07/2009 10:57

Are they actually IN the town? You could also call the local tourist information office. It's in the centre of town and only a 3-4 min walk from the campsite (assuming they are in the site behind Exmoor house). They might be able to pass on a message for you.
01398 323841

If you don't get a satisfactory answer I think it is very important you call the police. Your ex needs to know this is not acceptable and you can ask the police for help without getting things 'official'.

Original poster
Babywhiting · 23/07/2009 11:00

i worry that if the police want to return them that the children will resent me for it incase they are having fun! he does brainwash them and hates me with a passion!

OP posts:
Fruitysunshine · 23/07/2009 11:00

I think you are all overreacting.

They are on holiday with their dad. Why not leave them in peace to enjoy themselves? Honestly, I am sure it is ok. My stepchildren never ask for their mum when they are with us and we have been having them here with us since they were 2 and 4, they are now 6 and 9.

He probably feels that this is precious time and that you spend so much time with them already compared to him that he does not want to be wasting any of it.

You may miss them but this is their time with their dad. He is their father and their legal guardian, they will be fine - don't worry.

wannaBe · 23/07/2009 11:01

LOW but they are with their father. He has as much right to spend time with his children as their mother.

The man hasn't abducted his children - he asked the op if he could take them away and she said yes. So they are with him, legitimately.

If he is not letting them speak to their mother (and we don't know that that is the case), then he is being a prize twat. But he has not broken any law, and tbh it's unlikely the police would get involved - he's not late returning the children, they are with him and he is not obliged to bring them back until the holiday is over as they are there with op's agreement.

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