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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to find this a funny way of dealing with party invites?

164 replies

Susystayathome · 15/07/2009 22:22

I was recently quite excited to get an email from my SIL that seemed to be inviting my DH and me to a 40th birthday celebration dinner with our mutual group of friends. As most of us now have children we don't get together as couples too often nowadays, so I was really pleased. However, at the end was a sentence saying 'Susy, I'm not inviting you and DH as you are having tea with us, the in-laws and DCs one afternoon instead'. This breaks up our group of mutual friends, and makes me feel that as an in-law I am not fit to be seen in proper adult company. I feel really disappointed and wish that she'd found another way of telling me, instead of humiliating me in front of our friends by adding the note to an e-mail that went to everyone. I'm sure you'll be able to come up with some alternative ideas to help me put this in perspective.

OP posts:
hmc · 15/07/2009 22:24

Jeez, I'm afraid I can't put it in perspective. I think she has been grossly insensitive and I can't see why you aren't invited. What does you dh think?

cookielove · 15/07/2009 22:24

i would be very put out and embarrassed by that so clearly i have not helped, and i think you have every right to feel unhappy about it.

civilfawlty · 15/07/2009 22:25

blimey. hit reply all and decline both options. then make a separate plan with your mutual friends. what a cow

LadyGlencoraSnape · 15/07/2009 22:26

Clunk.
Did you hear that all the way through cyberspace? It was the sound of my jaw hitting the floor.
That is the most breathtakingly rude non-invitation I have ever heard of.
I don't know what you should answer but I am sure -wickeder-- cleverer MNers than I will come up with something dignified but cutting.

hmc · 15/07/2009 22:26

Don't brood on it - tackle it. Get dh to have a chat...

hmc · 15/07/2009 22:27

So cross on your behalf (helped by 3 glasses of cheap fizz)

ToutFucker · 15/07/2009 22:27

< picks up jaw from floor >

gawd, that is bloody awful

SpaceNoodle · 15/07/2009 22:28

I agree that this is a very strange way to do it. Why would she include you in the invitation to the dinner, only to exclude you right at the end?
I wouldn't be surprised if your mutual friends find this odd also. It sounds pretty thoughtless and quite harsh of her to me.

ToutFucker · 15/07/2009 22:28

snap ladyglen !!

kormachameleon · 15/07/2009 22:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LightShinesInTheDarkness · 15/07/2009 22:29

I am sure she must have made a mistake with her email, and sent the message intended for you to everyone instead.

Surely, surely?

No-one could be that insensitive - could they?

Merrylegs · 15/07/2009 22:29

No alternative ideas. No perspective.

Oh, except she is a loon.

Do not buy her a birthday present.

Ever.

saggyhairyarse · 15/07/2009 22:29

I think I would be clicking reply to all and asking is she meant to send the message in its draft format as you can't for one minute think she meant to send you the non-invite.

How rude!

Greensleeves · 15/07/2009 22:30

Awful. Is she usually dreadful?

Click "reply all" and say "no thanks, I prefer the copmany of my real friends"

Firawla · 15/07/2009 22:30

Yanbu, that is so rude!
why send you the email in the first place if you are not invited

Greensleeves · 15/07/2009 22:30

no need to spell it wrong though

Fillyjonk · 15/07/2009 22:30

that is quite astoundingly rude

do you think she was trying to be rude? IS she rude?

LetThemEatCake · 15/07/2009 22:30

Oh. My. God.

Unbelievable.

I am actually quite glad that all of your mutual friends would have seen her non-invitation to you. Now they will all know what a nutter she is!!

Original poster
Susystayathome · 15/07/2009 22:32

DH is also ticked off - but she is his brother's wife, not his sister, so he's not in much of a position to tackle her either. This isn't the first time she done this sort of thing. Last time I 'discussed' my feelings with her, I was shot down in flames and made to feel that I was being insensitive for failing to understand what a wonderful, considerate person she was being - as she was only behaving like this for my own benefit .

OP posts:
hophophippidtyhop · 15/07/2009 22:32

you have to reply to the email with the other people included in it with something witty and scathing.How very rude and mean of her.

Mintyy · 15/07/2009 22:32

Oh good gawd. Doesn't anyone do proper invites in the post any more? How cheap and nasty to do it by email. Sounds like a low-rent kind of affair to me; so be pleased you aren't invited!

Seriously though, why not send your reply to SIL, expressing your pithy but slightly scathing thoughts about her methodology, to everyone on the original email list.

bigstripeytiger · 15/07/2009 22:33

Could you reply as if you think she was joking?

Something like "Ha Ha, as if anyone would be that rude, very funny, see you all at the dinner"

Maybe she was joking?

Rachmumoftwo · 15/07/2009 22:35

What a thoughtless cow. Someone will come up with a perfect reply soon to be sent to all!

LadyGlencoraSnape · 15/07/2009 22:36

Dear SIL
Thank you for your email. Do you know, this is an absolute first for me - nobody has ever sent me a non-invitation to a birthday party before. How original of you to think of it.
Your non-card and your non-present are in the post.
Best wishes
Susy.

Greensleeves · 15/07/2009 22:36

YES YES Glencora has it

Do it NOW