to exclude this boy from DD's party?

[gonaenodaethat]

DD wants to have an early evening disco for her classmates on her 11th birthday.

She currently has a broken arm caused by some rough play at school involving two boys in her class. Now, I know they didn't mean to hurt her and certainly not to break her arm but while one of the boys has been very apologetic, sending her a card etc, the other one is denying responsibility and hasn't apologised.

I'm cross about this because if ever there is any trouble in the class then this boy is involoved. He has been excluded in the past and has assaulted a teacher.

I don't want this boy at DD's party. DD is frightened of him and I don't feel like taking responsibility for him at a party.

On the other hand he's just a little boy and I hate the thought of anyone doing the same to any of mine.

So, what to do?

'Lordy... not inviting people to a party is being 'cruel' is it? I wasn't invited to the Queen's garden party this year. Is that being cruel to me?'

Of course not! But if you all your family, friends and workmates were invited, but the Queen said 'you can't come because we think you are a nasty piece of work' you might find it a bit unnecessary and cruel!

I would say that you seem equally het up dittany!! Also you don't have a hot line to what the DD would like! I would bow out and leave you to it.
The moral of the story is whole class parties cause a lot of trouble! I am very pleased that I never did it.

Sorry will-not would.

I totally agree with dittany...
following on from talking to my ds' about this earlier, I've just spoken to them again.
me: you remember me asking about whole class parties, if you had pushed over a girl and she broke her arm, do you think you should go to her party...
ds2 (who is 8!) no of course not, she wouldn't want me at her part if I'd hurt her would she?
seems children understand action=consequence earlier than you think pisces

My ds is holding his umpteenth whole class party for his 16th birthday tomorrow night. Whole class party means whole class party!

DS is in a class of 28 btw. They are attending the midnight premiere of Harry Potter. It is an expense [whine emoticon]. Since the running time is over two hours, some attendees will be sleeping over and I don't want to be responsible for supervising a boy and girl sleep-over [whine emoticon x2]. The short answer to all this whining, is, of course, don't hold a whole class party but we are because that's what ds wanted and, once again, whole class party means everyONE is invited!

you are taking 28 16yr olds to the midnight screening of HP!
and you're whining?
sorry but more fool you....

If I had broken the Queen's arm, or indeed was a "nasty piece of work" and she invited the whole of my family and friends to her garden party and not me I would consider that fair enough. Kids would understand that if you are nasty you don't get treats. I completely disagree with the notion that if you invite the 'whole class' you can't, under any circumstances, exclude one nasty little shite. I would encourage it as a life lesson. Excluding people from things they have a 'right' to is bullying - like article 3 of the universal declaration of human rights says (and I paraphrase) that you have a human right not to have your arm broken by some vicious little thug... It is not a 'right' to be invited to a party - it is a priviledge - and therefore it is not 'cruel' to withdraw it.

Piscesmoon, you are a lovely person.

I really really hope that J eventually runs across someone with parents like you who will look past all the violence and be able to forgive and move on.

As opposed to random people who don't even know him spouting off about him being a yob.

I agree that parents who spout platitudes about being anti-bullying but then show their kids that it's OK to exclude, leave out and make miserable someone because they're not nice is a hypocrite.

Not saying that this boy should have gone to the party. But to be the only one left out would have been nasty. Nice one, OP, for not doing that.

are hypocrites

"look past all the violence" - there's a great mantra to live by!

My ds is only 2, so I've yet to get involved with the whole random friends and party thing, but I'm intrigued that you/your daughter are considering inviting someone that she dislikes/is afraid of .

I agree with Fairynufff that children do not have a right to invited anywhere, simply because they happen to have been grouped ib a class with someone.

Mind you, I find this whole 'inviting the entire class to avoid making uncomfortable decisions' thing nuts. I didn't invite the whole workplace to my wedding!

'exclude one nasty little shite.'

I wasn't going to rise to it- but really-this is an 11 yr old child-I would never ever call any child that-they all have good points, sometimes you have to try harder to find it! 'Nasty little shite' is utterly appalling.

This boy has broken a girl's arm, assualted a teacher, been excluded from school. Sounds like he qualifies for the title to me...

DD is a popular child in a close knit class of otherwise nice children. She's never had a full class party before, none of my children have, and I didn't see the harm.

To be honest in view of her arm I'd say yes to almost anything at the minute.

Write him off at 11yrs-get out the lynch mob-words fail me-I won't rise to anything else.

Leaves, shaking her head that anyone can write off a child as 'a nasty little shite'......
Your thread seems to have brought out the worst in some people OP-I think that it was a thoughtful post and I am glad that you came to a workable answer-I hope she has a lovely time.

You will feel uncomfortable for ever about not inviting him !

Holy moly let's all take piscesmoon's advice and treat all the nice little 11 year old teacher-assualting arm-breaking children to a nice party...

I believe in second chances and teaching by example.

He is 11.

He is still a child but old enough to appreciate the magnitude of the gesture.

OP's child can also learn not to hold grudges and rise above bullying.