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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a single women should not keeping coming on to a man when she knows he is married??

163 replies

memoo · 10/07/2009 12:15

and that his wife is 7 months pregnant!!!!

I'm getting really pissed off with this women at DH's work. She is always flirting with DH, I know this because DH is very open about it and doesn't try to hide it from me.

When we went out on his works do at xmas she was all smiles at DH but completely ignored me.

She is always sending DH emails with rude jokes in them and she usually includes quite suggestive comments too.

she even commented in one "bet you're not getting much with memoo being all fat and pregnant"

Yesterday DH said when she was showing him something on his computer she was leant over him almost shoving her boobs in the back of his head!!!

DH says if it carrys on he is going to have a chat with his boss.

but why the feck does somebody think its ok to behave like this with a married man!!!!

OP posts:
sunfleurs · 10/07/2009 19:42

Quite frankly any man who could be "taken" by a single women I would be glad to see the back of.

Fact: When I was a young, lonesome single, the last thing I wanted was a man who was committed elsewhere. I think it absolute twaddle to say that single women actively seek out married men for part-time, non committed relationships. I would think 9 times out of 10 these women do not even know until they are involved.

daftpunk · 10/07/2009 19:47

spicemonster...i know you have a problem with me..not sure why as i don't think we've had much to do with each other..?

have i ever said anything about married women??...the type of men who have affairs would have them no matter how much sex they were getting...they just want it with someone different...

Original poster
memoo · 10/07/2009 19:48

Solidgold, your post is spot on

I was single for a long time before I met Dh and i would never have gone after a married or attached man. I might have occasionaly thought somebody was attrative but I would have gone anywhere near a married man!

OP posts:
roneef · 10/07/2009 19:50

A lot of generalisation going on !!

FACT!!

This comment is awful:

she even commented in one "bet you're not getting much with memoo being all fat and pregnant"

Seriously, I'm not having a go but what did your DH reply?

Especially by e-mail he could have thought of 100 sarky replies.

I would be a bit annoyed that my partner didn't stand up for me.

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 10/07/2009 19:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

roneef · 10/07/2009 19:58

In person I can understand her getting away with it.

Some people surprise you with their sheer audacity. Stun you in to silence. Make you feel uncomfortable.

On e-mail, it's a different ball game.

I'm seeing Dittanys point of view.

dittany · 10/07/2009 19:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

roneef · 10/07/2009 19:59

I wonder what the actual reply was though Memoo?

Original poster
memoo · 10/07/2009 20:00

He said he told her it was non of her business, but tbh he could have said more than he did.

I really don't have a problem with the way DH has handled the situation. The last thing I want him to do is rise to the bait and then end up saying something nasty to her that he could end up getting into trouble over. He has maintained his professionalism throughout and i'm proud of him for doing that.

OP posts:
KIMItheThreadSlayer · 10/07/2009 20:00

I think your DH need to have this stopped now.

I would wait till I had had the baby then beat her with the afterbirth

CKelpie · 10/07/2009 20:01

I'm a single woman who enjoys the office banter and I flirt with the men in the office if they flirt with me, married or otherwise.

But harmless flirting is as far as I would ever want it to go, I have no desire to hook myself a married man as I have self respect and dignity and I think most single women are with me on that one.

What she is doing goes way beyond harmless flirting and your husband needs to deal with it effectively and quickly.

dittany · 10/07/2009 20:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

spicemonster · 10/07/2009 20:04

Yep, I couldn't agree more - that's an utterly vile comment and tbh I really question the wisdom of memoo's DH telling her that as I think that's a bit 'yes your bum looks enormous in that' but I think that's a bit of a side issue.

The fact is that she's being inappropriate and memoo's DH isn't really dealing with it. I absolutely agree with SGB that sexual harassment is horribly hard to deal with and even more so when it's a woman harassing a man. But I suspect that if mr memoo were to take this woman into a room and say 'this has got to stop right now. Get the message - I don't fancy you now and never will' I think she'd back off sharpish. And I know that's hard but it's got to be done or this is going to drag on and on and it's really not something you need when you're pregnant.

daftpunk - I don't have a problem with you. I take issue with some of your posts which is why we haven't had much to do with one another because I don't follow people around. You last really offended me on that SN thread you started and now you've done it again. If you're not offending me or the people I love, I couldn't give a toss about you.

roneef · 10/07/2009 20:06

Lol Kimi.

You are being more understanding about this than I would be Memoo.

Professionalism has nothing to do standing up for your wife BTW.

I do feel this has been going waay to long.

If he hasn't set her straight in 7 months do you blame her for carrying on? ( I do , but you see my point?)

lowenergylightbulb · 10/07/2009 20:11

So do single men prefer married women then?

roneef · 10/07/2009 20:13

I wish lowenergy

katiestar · 10/07/2009 20:17

I am not sure that doing nothing is maintaining professionalism.Quite the opposite.I think he should have acted immediately and decisively.

dittany · 10/07/2009 20:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

daftpunk · 10/07/2009 20:20

spicemonster;...that's exactly the right attitude to have..you shouldn't give a toss about me or my opinions...we're all just random strangers killing time...if more people felt like you this place would be alot calmer...

roneef · 10/07/2009 20:24

Stick to the point daftpunk.

You are trying to drag the attention to yourself again, typical.

OrmIrian · 10/07/2009 20:41

Your DH should tell her in no uncertain terms to lay off. Then he should contact HR. That is what a woman would/should do in those circs.

And he is being a wuss-bag. This is his problem to sort not yours. And he should get on and bloody do it.

IME single women are not predatory scheming bitches. Hell no-one has nicked DH off me in 20yrs (perhaps that says more about my choice of men than anything else )

sunfleurs · 10/07/2009 20:42

Sorry but pseudo innocent queries about SN kids that are actually designed to get people going goes beyond "killing time" for me. You made yourself not "random" to me with that thread because the things you said in it are personal to my ds who has SN, is only 6 years old and is totally unable to defend himself against attitudes like yours. His SN are not up for being discussed on AIBU by someone so clearly trying to piss people off.

Do you really want calm DP, if so why do you make so many provocative statements on here? I suspect you love the furore, really get off on it and had a little smirk inside yourself when you posted about SN.

OP have totally left the discussion. Sorry.

AvengingGerbil · 10/07/2009 20:48

To get back to the point, as SGB tried to do, this is a very difficult situation for OP's DH. Mine has had a similar experience. The risk for the man in taking the harasser aside and saying 'stop' is that she will immediately turn it around and claim he is harassing her.

Go to HR, go directly to HR, do not pass Go, do not stop to talk to the woman. Get on record what has been happening before confronting the woman. Get him to cover his own back.

It can be embarrassing for men to do this: mine wasn't even sure he was reading the signs right - forwarded her e-mails to me to see if I thought he had over-inflated ego. (He didn't. It was blatant.)

It was made worse because DH managed the woman in question. She was moved to a different group. He still avoids.

daftpunk · 10/07/2009 20:48

sunfleurs....i did apologise for that thread..at least 5 times i think?...it wasn't intended to offend anyone..i was clearly talking about behaviour problems not associated with any medical condition... don't you think MNHQ would have deleted the thread if they thought it was that offensive?

sunfleurs · 10/07/2009 20:54

Well it won't be offensive to everyone will it DP because not everyone has SN kids? They seem to be fair game on MN lately. As I have said before if you had come on and made a racist crack all hell would have broken loose but you didn't so who cares?

I know you apologised and thanks. It is just when you go on about us being random strangers and just killing time. When something that directly affects me and my dc is talked about it doesn't always feel like that.

I am leaving the thread now, once again sorry for hijack op.