in asking for my ex's girlfriends address when my kids stay there?

[altern8gal]

Long and messy 10 year history with ex, he plays games etc but that's a whole different story! After not seeing the kids for 6 weeks I have yet again initiated contact and arranged for him to take our kids for the weekend, with some minimal ground rules, they stay at his flat, he doesn't let them on the balcony etc etc....
He took them at 4pm, and at 9pm I ring my eldest (9) to check he and his 2yr old brother are ok. My son informs me they are not at his dad's but at the new girlfriends house and are staying...I make sure son is ok and keep calm as he gets upset easily, he also begged me to not tell his dad that I knew where they were!
Next day, I try to investigate where my boys are staying, without antagonising the ex...which doesn't go to plan and he rings up screaming and shouting, saying I have no right to know where my kids are or what they are doing whilst in his care. I try to explain calmly that of course it is important to know where they are incase of accident etc etc - he hangs up after some more ranting!
I am happy for the kids to stay with ex & Gf, as she is actually probably more reliable and trustworthy than him, but am I being unreasonable in asking for her address?? I am reluctant to let my kids go next time, but then I end up looking like the bad person again! Any comments welcome!

Your giving up but you still have not given any facts to back up your previous statements, ah well Ta ta!

Eleanor - No he doesn't have any PR for the kids!

I still don't understand your point Maggie. It's not a case of either give Dads 50:50 or don't. Some will get it, some won't. The court system will on the whole I would have thought weed out the ones who shouldn't have it.

And like Jammi says, it isn't the Dads who would suffer from not having contact (and I'm still not sure if you mean 50:50 or any contact at all, I'm finding what you're trying to get across hard to follow in such a big thread) it's the children of the good Dads who will suffer.

If he does not have PR he cannot give permission for the children to have treatment in case of medical emergency. In that case I think you do need to know where they are for overnights and also at all times you need to be fairly close so you could be called on quickly in case of emergency.
Has your ex asked for PR at all?

Maggie, you have demonstrated once again that you misunderstand a very core principle of family law as it pertains to child contact: it's not the parents who have the rights, it's the child. So to frame this in talk of "mothers have earnt the right to have more blanket rights" is to not only be somewhat ungrammatical but to also miss the point really quite badly.

Don't let the door hit you in the butt on the way out

P.S. The word is "earned". Oh, and "input".

In a mediacl emergency a doctor does not need the permission of a parent to give appropriate treatment to a child. It's for non-emergency procedures that a person with pr's consent is required.

My DP's more up on those matters rebecca, that was my understanding from listening from the sidelines. He's out doing out atm (helping parents stay in contact with their kids as it happens)I'll have natter with him later

If his name is on the birth certificate, he has PR automatically for the younger child. This is the case for all children born - I think- since 2003.

I have had problems with my ex seeing his son.
He hasn't seen him for a full two years straight out of his 7 and half year life!!!

Everytime contact starts again its through me fighting for it.

If my ex wanted to go and stay somewhere else with my son then I would want an address regardless of who it is.

altern8gal's ex has already proved that his children are a bit of an inconvenience to him as he can't even spend one night with just him and his children having quality time together without anybody else being around.

I think she has every right to want to know details being the caring mother that she is.

Maggie I work in a hostel for women fleeing domestic violence. I have spent 10 years working with homeless families and I completely disagree with you.

The starting point should be 50/50.

If a man or woman is violent or mistreats the children then a court should take this into account and either deny or restrict access.

You are living in ignorance if you think only men are perpetrators of domestic violence and women are the better parent.
The long running assumption that this is true has resulting in children remaining with their mothers whereas they would be best placed with their fathers.

Noonki
I completely agree. There a lot of terrible mothers out there (just look at shannon matthews and baby peters mothers)

Children need to be brought up in the safest and most caring environment which ever that parent (hopefully both) that comes from.

Seeker.......your almost right the law came into force for children born on or after 1st December 2003 so unmarried fathers named on the childs birth certificate have the same PR rights as the mother.......however in law having PR doesn't guarantee that child contact will be granted by courts. For mothers who are in the position of perhaps having an abusive ex partner threatening to take a child he has PR for then the mother should seek legal advice and apply to the courts for a residence order in respect of the children, the court can also make a contact order stating when the children have contact with their father. If there are no safety issues regarding contact then its up to the dad what he chooses to do with the children in the same way it is up to the mother what she chooses to do with the children whilst they are in her care. If there are concerns about safety then you might want to look at the children having contact facilitated by a responsible third party.

I'd just like to thank everyone for commenting on my first post, I never imagined getting such a huge response and starting off a good debate!
The messages of support are most welcome and it is very interesting to see other people's point of views!

I look forward to posting again soon!

Thank you again!