In thinking BFing baby in a baby change with a queue outside the door is selfish and a bit mingin'.

[Confuzzeled]

Went to a busy garden center today, dd had a poo. All the toilets had queues, even the disabled loo.

Stood in the queue for the baby change for about ten minutes, Mummy's and kiddies going in and out pretty quick. The couple in front of me had a girl about 4 months old (can't be sure but she was holding her head up strongly and was quite big).

They went into the baby change and after about 5 minutes the woman behind me told me to knock on the door. I said to wait another couple of minutes as it could've been a messy one. So another 5 minutes later the woman behind me tells me to knock on the door again, I was just thinking about doing it anyway. So I knock on the door and shout "Is everything okay?".

There was no answer so I knocked again. Still no answer so the woman behind me pushes past and hammers on the door, she shouts "Can you hurry up, there's a queue out here".

There's no answer so the woman grabs a passing member of staff who knocks then unlocks the door. I can see the woman sitting on the baby change counter feeding her baby while the man is sitting on the child toilet. The staff member just asks them if they are okay, closes the door and locks it again. The woman behind me is furious and hammers on the door shouting "This is a toilet not a bloody feeding room". Then she stands behind me as the couple come out. The mum who was feeding glowers at my dd and says "She should be using a toilet by now anyway". I say "What? She's 2" and because I'm annoyed that she's picked on my dd I say "Feeding your baby in a toilet is disgusting and bloody selfish". Then I slam the door before she can reply.

I change dd at light speed and head out, the couple are looking at cards right outside the door to the toilets and she calls me a twat when I walk past. I make a show of covering dd's ears and say loudly "Don't you dare swear in front of my daughter". Everyone looked at her in a very disapproving way.

So while I'm a huge advocate for bfing, having bf my dd until she stopped herself and will bf my ds thats due in August, I honestly think it's selfish to bf a baby in a busy baby change.

YABU to get so worked up. She was feeding her baby! I'm not surprised she reacted and called you a name, with all you lot badgering her to hurry up! Maybe she shouldn't have been so long winded, but hey, that's life. No need to be so aggressive to people is there. And the other woman who kept hammering on the door was well out of order - nasty cow (her, not you).

You were caught up in a queue and she could have been a bit more thoughtful, but ffs, you'll live get over yourself.

Where are people supposed to breastfeed? Seems mother's can't win wherever they feed their babies.

"Feeding your baby in a toilet is disgusting and bloody selfish"! Is it really that much. How come many baby changing rooms/toilets provide chairs and screens for b/feeding then? I'm glad I haven't come across you in public then, you sound such an angry person for a parent.

I understand that the op could have changed her toddler on her knee as I have changed my DS in some pretty weird places BUT she is 32 weeks pregnant, with SPD - she shouldn't HAVE to do that, the room is a changing room.

Unless I am mistaken and it was actually a mother & baby room and not a changing room then she shouldn't have to go to the toilet to change her toddler.

steviesgirl - the OP is in Scotland, where the law protects nursing mothers to feed anywhere where they are legally allowed to be anyway, and anyone who interferes with that (ie a staff member who asked her to move, or a member of the public who harasses them) is liable to prosecution and a hefty fine. The breastfeeding mother could have found a quiet corner and asked her dp to provide some cover if she was feeling shy.

I think it's pretty tragic that - even with the legal protection afforded to her by being North of the border - she felt the need to hide away in a stinky, unhygenic changing room, where she could feed her baby next to a fetid bin full of poo.

"Also there is a huge restaurant that was half empty "

So the garden centre was really busy, there were queues for all the loos, yet the huge restaurant was half-empty.

Was there a coach trip from "Incontinence UK" visiting by any chance?

Not read the whole thread so this may have already been said but

IMO, the lady BF the baby was being totally selfish to take up the baby changing facility to feed. The clue to the use of the room is in the name "baby changing".

If there were no adequate feeding facilites then she should have taken it up with the manager and insisted on a private space ie his office if necessary

NOT keep the rest of the parents and babies waiting to be changed.

Nor should the OP have to change her baby in the ordinary toilets. For safety it would have to be on the floor, and who wants to be on the floor in public toilets? Especially when there are actual baby changing facilities there.

I'm sure this has been said but if she had bf in the restaurant someone would have disapproved and if she bf in the changing room facility (where there presumably was a chair because many changing facilities double up as feeding rooms) someone would have disapproved of that as well.

What a depressing society we live in.

belgo - SHE WAS IN SCOTLAND! WHERE SHE IS PROTECTED BY LAW TO NURSE IN PUBLIC!!!

Sorry to shout, but you all seem to be missing this fairly relevant piece of information!

Protection by law still does not protect against disapproval.

No need to shout and no need for excessive use of exclamation marks.

Alestorm, and has been said on this thread by many not everyone feels like they can bf in public, whether or not they are protected by the law.
Says more about our society that this woman actually preferred to feed in a lavvy than in public don't you think?

Buchrest - good point but why should the OP and the queue of babies needing changing be put out for so long by this woman?

She inconvenienced a lot of people and I would be annoyed too. Even if she'd explained she'd be a while due to feeding, that would have been better.

BF is not an excuse for selfishness or bad manners!!

belgo - No, you're right, it's not. And I agree with Bucharest (and said yesterday) that it's terribly sad that she felt she still had to hide away even with the law protecting her. But if she felt that uncomfortable then why not find a quiet corner? Or ask the manager to use his office, as someone else suggested? There was no need to feed her baby in a room full of poo - poor baby!

Personally, I couldn't give two tosses about the OP, or the woman in the queue behind her, or the woman breastfeeding - but I do feel sorry for the baby being fed in a smelly changing room!

(Sorry for the excessive exclamation marks, there's no excuse for that.)

Having thought about this more, I think it is absolutely outrageous that someone has seriously suggested they change a baby in the general toilets or on their knee because the baby changing room is taken up by feeding. Breast or otherwise, a baby change room is not the place to feed and the changing facility should have remained just that - for changing only.

Saying the OP should have changed her baby in the general toilets, where there are no facilities (or room necessarily, or hygiene - what if there were only 2 loos in a bit of state?) is far more unreasonable than the OP being annoyed about the original issue

Whoever suggested it should be ashamed of themselves.

At the risk of resurrecting a thread that deserves to die, I have to stand up for closet breastfeeders. I'm loathe to whip mine out in public - just don't feel comfortable.

My DS was a messy feeder, esp at around 4 months. My one attempt to feed in a restaurant DID expose my lovely big nipples to anyone who cared to look, as he used to be on and off every few seconds. There was no way of doing it discreetly.

I understand baby change rooms to mean baby facility rooms (usually there's a chair for feeding) and would feed in them if necessary. But parents who need to change nappies should be allowed to come in and get on with their business at the same time if it's busy. It's easy enough to feed standing up while others can use the changing facilities. Everyone wins. It's not a matter of one being more entitled to the room than the other - that's a bit five years old.

Absolutely PracticalCat. Unfortunately in this case the BF woman didn't think to share or invite others to continue using the room. Or take it up with management. She just hogged it without warning for a different purpose than its proper use.

Wanting to BF a baby in privacy is not unreasonable. Making others wait like that without warning at least, is definitely unreasonable, the OP was NBU. and for that reason I'm out .

Twat IS a swear word. It means c*nt.

Confuzzled - I think YABU.

That poor woman. Sometimes you can't do wrong for doing right. If you feed in a cafe in full view you inevitably get some oul codger tutting and giving dirty looks if not just coming out and saying something. So you find the only private place available and then get attacked by a bunch of banshees banging the door in

8 months ago I was a young first time mum just getting used to breastfeeding. I was self-conscious and afraid of offending people (not any more). Sometimes I had to feed dd in less than ideal locations so I just got on with it - such is life. This woman might have been feeling the way I did or maybe had a bad experience before and was trying not to offend anyone.

I tell you what though, If it had been me in that room you'd all have been waiting a bloody long time.

Why oh why can we not just support breastfeeding mums and show them some support and if that's too much then how about common bloody decency?

In fairness, calling someone a twat is more likely to offend them than breastfeeding, and again, here in Scotland people know that the law protects bf-ing mothers - I've fed in the same cafe, and never had anything but smiles or just been ignored there.

I am afraid I have to agree with the Op and do not think the lady should have been feeding in the changing area.
I am not at all apprehensive about bf in public, but I can appreciate that some ladies are. But if she is, then she probably shouldn't be in the garden centre.
And a baby changing area is that. for changing. if it is not a designated feeding room, then it should be just used for changing. On a busy , hot day, long queues, it was prob not the lady's est decision to use a room designed for something else, i.e. changing babies, for bf'ing.
Inappropriate language used by Op, and she has prob deeply upset the other lady, but I do think Op has a point.

I really don't think it is about NOT supporting breast feeding mums. She was able to feed her baby elsewhere but chose not to. So because of her personal choices, the OP should have changed her toddler elsewhere (namely, on a toilet floor etc)?

You also think its acceptable to make a queue full of babies/toddlers wait ages with uncomfortably full nappies etc for one person?

Common decency - did the Mum show any of that to the op? No, she criticised her parenting abilities for not having her 2 year old toilet trained.

She also called the op a twat in front of her daughter & others. I am sensing a lack of common decency on that side to be honest.

If she had felt happy to feed in public she wouldn't have hidden away in what is basically a toilet. So I have some sympathy in a society that tends to find bfing a bit sordied But she was unreasonable. Baby changing rooms are for doing what it says on the door.

OrmIrian - I agree, it is terribly terribly sad that she felt unable to bf in public, but I still feel, like you, that the changing room is for that purpose.

You can change a two year old in a buggy, in a quiet corner - lay it back, put a towelling nappy under bum, lift legs up,old nappy off, wipe, new nappy on.

No need to scrabble around on the floor or argue over toilet space.

But you shouldn't have to when there is a changing room available to use.

It needs more mums to feed in public to help dispell the prejudice. It needs to become normal. I fed everywhere and never encountered any negativity - but I think that was partly because I wasn't looking for it. If you are feeling lacking in confidence and self-conscious, anyone looking at you can be seen as judging and uncharitable, whereas they might simply be unconcerned or even pleased to see you bfing.

But if someone is using the changing room, for whatever reason, it isn't available. So you can make a fuss or just get on with changing your baby, and making him or her comfortable, in the buggy. It's hardly a major inconvenience.