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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

In thinking BFing baby in a baby change with a queue outside the door is selfish and a bit mingin'.

154 replies

Confuzzeled · 28/06/2009 16:07

Went to a busy garden center today, dd had a poo. All the toilets had queues, even the disabled loo.

Stood in the queue for the baby change for about ten minutes, Mummy's and kiddies going in and out pretty quick. The couple in front of me had a girl about 4 months old (can't be sure but she was holding her head up strongly and was quite big).

They went into the baby change and after about 5 minutes the woman behind me told me to knock on the door. I said to wait another couple of minutes as it could've been a messy one. So another 5 minutes later the woman behind me tells me to knock on the door again, I was just thinking about doing it anyway. So I knock on the door and shout "Is everything okay?".

There was no answer so I knocked again. Still no answer so the woman behind me pushes past and hammers on the door, she shouts "Can you hurry up, there's a queue out here".

There's no answer so the woman grabs a passing member of staff who knocks then unlocks the door. I can see the woman sitting on the baby change counter feeding her baby while the man is sitting on the child toilet. The staff member just asks them if they are okay, closes the door and locks it again. The woman behind me is furious and hammers on the door shouting "This is a toilet not a bloody feeding room". Then she stands behind me as the couple come out. The mum who was feeding glowers at my dd and says "She should be using a toilet by now anyway". I say "What? She's 2" and because I'm annoyed that she's picked on my dd I say "Feeding your baby in a toilet is disgusting and bloody selfish". Then I slam the door before she can reply.

I change dd at light speed and head out, the couple are looking at cards right outside the door to the toilets and she calls me a twat when I walk past. I make a show of covering dd's ears and say loudly "Don't you dare swear in front of my daughter". Everyone looked at her in a very disapproving way.

So while I'm a huge advocate for bfing, having bf my dd until she stopped herself and will bf my ds thats due in August, I honestly think it's selfish to bf a baby in a busy baby change.

OP posts:

lisad123 · 28/06/2009 16:35

I think both of you were wrong. She may not like feeding in public (my friend doesnt) and maybe this was the only place possible. Why didnt you go and change dd in the loo? I think the sun has changed everyone into grumpy mummies and what ever happened to supporting each other . So hyou waited 10 mins, big woop, hardly wasted the whole day.

Lulumama · 28/06/2009 16:35

how is there a huge difference between feeding a 4 months old and a 2 week old? when a baby needs feeding, tehy need feeding

the woman might have been trying to avert a big screaming fit

could you not have changed your DD on the floor or taken her outsied and changed her on teh back seat of the car . rather than standing there for 25 minutes?

were you with someone else wh ocould have sorted your DD out if your SPD was palying up?

considering oyu dom't like argumetns you were rude to her and then surprised she insultedf you

burningupinspeed · 28/06/2009 16:37

'there is a huge difference in feeding a 2 week old and a 4 month old'

There is?

IkeaCatalogue · 28/06/2009 16:37

Oh great

AIBU with stealth reveal by OP

lisad123 · 28/06/2009 16:38

"So while I'm a huge advocate for bfing, having bf my dd until she stopped herself and will bf my ds thats due in August, I honestly think it's selfish to bf a baby in a busy baby change"

so are we only allowed to feed babies in non busy times??

SouthMum · 28/06/2009 16:38

Awww what does 4 mean?? Please......

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 28/06/2009 16:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

SouthMum · 28/06/2009 16:42

ahhh I see now. Thanks Reality

(sorry I was just really curious to know what it meant )

Original poster

Confuzzeled · 28/06/2009 16:44

Okay fair enough, this is why I asked, I obviously was being unreasonable.

No sun here today, it's been misty and raining all day. I actually took dd to the Butterfly Farm as a treat because she's had a tummy bug for the past 2 days.

DH dropped us off before work and I was bussing it back so I couldn't change her in the car. Also it's 30 minutes on the bus home and didn't want her sitting in a pooy nappy all the way. It never occurred to me to change her on the floor though I don't know where I would have done it, huge queues for the other loos and tiny cubicles in the adult ones. I would have done it in the disabled loo but the oap's seemed to have formed their own queue for that one.

I guess I was rude but I still don't understand why they didn't answer when I knocked the first time and asked if everything was okay.

OP posts:

lisad123 · 28/06/2009 16:45

those doors are very thick most of the time, maybe she didnt hear you.

policywonk · 28/06/2009 16:46

(OP, don't start talking about using the disabled loos - you'll only make it worse for yourself )

Sorry about the SPD, it must be nasty.

bronze · 28/06/2009 16:46

I've seen 4 so many times recently I thought 4 was troll

1 was def. yes you can

lisad123 · 28/06/2009 16:48

i would def not talk about disabled loo

Original poster

Confuzzeled · 28/06/2009 16:50

Maybe lisad123 but I don't think so because when I was in I could clearly hear the woman was standing behind me telling her 2 boys it wouldn't be long.

Oh and I should have said there were 5 people in the queue behind me so not just me and other woman.

The couple had baby but no baby carrier or buggy so they probably had a car with them, they could have fed baby there.

Also there is a huge restaurant that was half empty and has loads of booths that would offer privacy.

OP posts:

ruddynorah · 28/06/2009 16:52

what a load of rubbish.

you could have changed your dd in the toilets. did you go in there and start banging on doors to hurry people along?

or, you could have gone to your car to change her.

or, you could have not taken her to a busy garden centre on a warm weekend.

my point is, you had a lot of other options, but like many people you opted to just stand there getting cross, huffing and a puffing and saying inappropriate things.

Original poster

Confuzzeled · 28/06/2009 16:55

ruddynorah, maybe you've not read the whole thread.

Couldn't have changed dd in normal toilets because of huge poo, tiny cubicles and me 32weeks pregnant and the size of a cow.

I didn't have the car with me.

I actually took dd to Butterfly Farm which is part of Garden Center and it's pissing with rain and cold here.

OP posts:

burningupinspeed · 28/06/2009 17:12

YABU but are still defending yourself

Do you think if they'd had a car they'd still choose a toilet? Really?

You don't think you were BU and you still think she was wrong, and I still don't know how feeding a 2 week old is different to a four month old, mine certainly wasn't.

Bucharest · 28/06/2009 17:13

Did you also cover your daughter's ears when you accused the other woman of being "bloody disgusting" or whatever it was?

YABU and I also hate the drip drip information by stealth trick. (ie as soon as someone tells you you are U you add some more to make it better.)

The other woman shouldn't have called you a tw*t, but 2 wrongs don't make a right.

Satsuma1 · 28/06/2009 17:13

I can understand why you were annoyed, but think you were wrong to call her disgusting. I'm not surprised she called you a twat, but she shouldn't have said it in front of your child.

Was it at Butterfly World outside Edinburgh?

ray81 · 28/06/2009 17:14

I would say i agree with you to some extent, she should have answered when you knocked and she shouldnt have assumed it was you that was banging on the door, and she had no right to make any comment about your dd being toilet trained, it would be nice to be a fly on the wall when she toilet trains. And to wait around to call you names was very childish indeed.

However i dont think that she shouldnt have been able to feed her baby in the changing room if there was nowhere else for her to go but perhaps she should have explained before she went in knowing there was a big queue behind her, it would have been polite to do that.

I also think the woman behind you was a complete cow for not speaking up and admitting that it was her that was doing all the banging on the door rather than letting you take the flack for it, thats being a coward.

violethill · 28/06/2009 17:17

It sounds like several people were being unreasonable here!

Personally I think it's odd to use a baby changing room to feed your baby, particularly when there is a queue outside of people who want to use it as..erm..a baby changing room. So in that sense, yes the woman was selfish. If she had been directed to it by staff, then it's not her fault but unreasonable of them. It's not the right place to be bf at all. Nothing wrong with just bf discreetly in a public place. If there had been no changing room and just one toilet and she'd used that, then would people still defend her right to sit on a toilet and bf her baby for ages while people are queuing desperately crossing their legs?! I think not! Also, the OP would get slated if she'd changed her toddler's dirty nappy in public (quite rightly, as that would be disgusting) so she had less choice of what facilities to use than the bf mum

BUT it sounds as if the OP got in a bit of a lather about it and tbh life's too short.

BexieID · 28/06/2009 17:25

I would have found a nice display chair to sit on and whipped them out! Or gone back to my car and fed baby there as presumably they had got there by car? All garden centres i've been to/know of, have been out in the sticks.

I hated feeding Tom in the combi feeding room/toilets/chaanging room. I just wanted out quick!

2rebecca · 28/06/2009 17:27

Some baby changing rooms aren't toilets though but are set up just for feeding and changing toilets. People needing a toilet should have just gone to a toilet. When I was pregnant I used normal toilets and often changed my kid's nappies in a normal toilet as often no special baby change facilities available. You all sound a bit unreasonable. I wouldn't have breastfed in a room with a queue though, that doesn't sound very restful. I'd rather annoy the old dears in the cafe!

violethill · 28/06/2009 17:29

Very true bexie - you're spoilt for choice for seating in a garden centre.... wooden bench, reclining chairs, hammock! I would have just found a quiet corner and got on with it discreetly. At the end of the day, people would have a right to complain about someone changing a dirty nappy in public, whereas they have no right to complain about bf, so the bf mum was being selfish in preventing other people respond to their child's needs appropriately.

2rebecca · 28/06/2009 17:34

changing nappies that should have been, not changing toilets.

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