In thinking BFing baby in a baby change with a queue outside the door is selfish and a bit mingin'.

[Confuzzeled]

Went to a busy garden center today, dd had a poo. All the toilets had queues, even the disabled loo.

Stood in the queue for the baby change for about ten minutes, Mummy's and kiddies going in and out pretty quick. The couple in front of me had a girl about 4 months old (can't be sure but she was holding her head up strongly and was quite big).

They went into the baby change and after about 5 minutes the woman behind me told me to knock on the door. I said to wait another couple of minutes as it could've been a messy one. So another 5 minutes later the woman behind me tells me to knock on the door again, I was just thinking about doing it anyway. So I knock on the door and shout "Is everything okay?".

There was no answer so I knocked again. Still no answer so the woman behind me pushes past and hammers on the door, she shouts "Can you hurry up, there's a queue out here".

There's no answer so the woman grabs a passing member of staff who knocks then unlocks the door. I can see the woman sitting on the baby change counter feeding her baby while the man is sitting on the child toilet. The staff member just asks them if they are okay, closes the door and locks it again. The woman behind me is furious and hammers on the door shouting "This is a toilet not a bloody feeding room". Then she stands behind me as the couple come out. The mum who was feeding glowers at my dd and says "She should be using a toilet by now anyway". I say "What? She's 2" and because I'm annoyed that she's picked on my dd I say "Feeding your baby in a toilet is disgusting and bloody selfish". Then I slam the door before she can reply.

I change dd at light speed and head out, the couple are looking at cards right outside the door to the toilets and she calls me a twat when I walk past. I make a show of covering dd's ears and say loudly "Don't you dare swear in front of my daughter". Everyone looked at her in a very disapproving way.

So while I'm a huge advocate for bfing, having bf my dd until she stopped herself and will bf my ds thats due in August, I honestly think it's selfish to bf a baby in a busy baby change.

sorry to be going off at a tangent. but it just occurred to me that it mightn't have been her fault. whenever I have been found breastfeeding in a toilet it certainly hasn't been on my own initiative.

The staff wouldn't have been allowed to do that in Scotland, though, cory - good bf law here (OP was in Edinburgh). I'd hate to feed in a changing room - even the clean ones can get smelly, esp in summer.

Yanbu because changing rooms are for changing, and she has taken a lot of time.
I do feel sorry for the bf mum though she might have felt quite upset by everyone getting at her like that. She would be better to learn to feed in any place, but covering up thought then she wont have to go into a dirty stinking changing area..
As for everyone advising to change the baby just on the floor, its not always that easy. I would have queued for the changing room aswell, I have a one yr old and he will not stay very still to get changed, and can be a bit of a handful. You don't want them trying to run off around a garden centre before you can finish cleaning them, especially with poo!
So yanbu, but would have been better if you could get ur point across to her in a polite and caring kind of way. sibu though to start talking about ur dd should be toilet trained!!

I don't think yabu. She knew there was a queue but went in to feed her daughter anyway, obviously knowing it would take a long time. Understand the baby needs feeding obviously, but those who are saying YOU should have gone elsewhere - I think she should have in those circumstances, since you were in the correct place for what you needed to do.

My dad once sat down on a display chair in a garden centre because his leg had given way and was told he couldn't for H&S reasons. There was a sign saying you couldn't sit on the displays.

If it was raining then she wouldn't have been able to use a bench outside and I always refused to spend money in an overpriced cafe just so I could have the pleasure of using their chair so I could feed DS.

I don't know what is disgusting about changing a baby in a toilet though. I do it all the time either using a portable mat or carrier bag. Did you have a pushchair with you? I'd have used that to change DD in tbh rather than wait.

confuzzled The couple had baby but no baby carrier or buggy so they probably had a car with them, they could have fed baby there.

Eh? I don't have a buggy either but often don't drive about. I have a wrap sling. I'd hate people to judge me for feeding out and about instead of my car!

I'm a whip em out person but sometimes when your baby is too qvetchy sometimes you need a quiet spot to feed because they get really distracted, specially with too many people or a sunny sunny day. Plus she may have nipped in there to change the baby and thought 'shit, I should feed him/her for the walk/drive home'.

I don't think it's particularly nice to feed in a toilet but I don't think it's dangerously unhygienic either. You're not going to rub your nipples on any moist surfaces are you!

Also, you can change a baby standing up in a loo cubicle, or or the end of the sinks. I did it many many times when I lived in Singapore, where facilities outside of shopping malls were thin on the ground.

Yes I've done it on the sinks too doris but many people on here think you shouldn't change nappies in public.

Maybe i was just lucky - but I was never told not to BF anywhere. When out and about if there was not a bf room I would find a quiet spot in a cafe / coffee shop etc order a hot chocolate and cake and sit and feed, most of the time people thought I was just cuddling baby. I have also walked back to the car and fed baby there.

I would NOT have bf in the baby change as i would not have wanted to make other mums wait so long to change a wet/dirty baby. But that's me. Some mums might just be very shy and felt they had no choice but to go into the baby change. The bf mum could have sent her partner out and let the other mums come in to change their babies anyway.

Sounds like the heat, queue etc got to everyone.

Huge sympathy to OP for SPD - it is hideous and to anyone who has not had it, you just cant imagine how painful it can be.

And for what its worth - have also changed baby several times in the pushchair in the ladies loo when the baby change was busy, quite easy to make it private with a few muslins or similar.

nappyaddict can I ask why some people think you shouldn't change a nappy in public, just to save me a long and rage-making trawl through threads on here

Is it a 'not wanting to expose the public to a huge runny poo' thing?

I wouldn't change a horrendous poo nappy on my lap in a cafe or restaurant in full view (I would if I could get away with it at the back/side maybe) but I would in a toilet. You can stand so it blocks off the view I suppose.

Or is it a 'not showing your kids genitals in public' thing? In which case, FGS...

And regarding the hogging the baby change -- I think sometimes you do have to feed as and when, and although my baby feeds in 2-3 mins, invariably that situation would be the one where she would feed for a bloody long time!

But I'd have answered through the door what I was doing and that I'd be as quick as possible.

Give and take on all sides. Easy to say when neither party has probably had enough sleep for months or years, but it would do well we've all been caught in unideal situations with crotchety, hungry, or soiled babies.

I think its OK to change a baby in the ladies or mens toilet. Its not the same as changing the baby in the middle of a shop.

Sadly there are plenty of people who are against breastfeeding in public. What is a poor breastfeeding mum to do? Should us breastfeeding mums live under a giant burka and never leave the house?

I think that everyone involved was pretty mean and inconsiderate.

Am just curious as to why anyone would want to feed their baby in a changing room. I certainly wouldn't want to eat my lunch in what is essentially a toilet so why is it different for a baby? Yuk...
name calling was all wrong on both parts mind you.

I also remember a thread on here ages ago about a mum who whipped off a wet only nappy in public and she got a real earful about dignity etc etc.
Seems we can't win at times whatever we do.

I hate the thought of women having to hide somewhere for perfectly natural things like that.

I'm a man so I can't bf, but I've changed a nappy in public before and it never occured to me that some might object. If someone had they'd have been told where to go.

You should BF or change nappies wherever you happen to be without guilt. Boobs and babies were invented before changing rooms. Everyone WAS a baby at one point and everyone has seen a nipple before, so neither sight can harm them.

well said onagar. I used to whip my boob out wherever i needed to, just like the nappies get changed at my convienience. Unfortunately there are always some people that will have some judgy comment to make. Luckily for me i don't really care. As long as my children are well cared for and loved and happy, the judgy brigade can do one .

I think the bf-ing woman should have fed her baby in public and not have had to go into a changing room to do so. Very sad that she thought she had to.

Re changing nappies, I have been known to do do so behind chairs and tables etc but I was also a bit embarrassed in doing so as I actually do think that this belongs in a changing room. Not everyone wants to be subjected to a baby's poo/wee and it isn't unreasonable for them to expect that this will happen in the loo.

Fair enough still... but unfortunately they are not always available. I once got sneered at for doing dd's bum in the park. No toilets. She was on a changing mat and i disposed of the nappy in a nappy sack in the bin. Tut tut i heard.. "poor child with her bum all exposed". Luckily, i don't care. Clean bum = happy toddler + happy mum.
Dragging her all the way to find a loo = sore bum = sad toddler = sad mum.

Yes I do think it's very selfish as I'm sure the lady in question would agree if she was stuck outside for ages waiting with an uncomfortable baby.

Changing poos anywhere isn't on,it's poo. People don't want it on their carpets or to have to breath in the stench. The only place it should be done is a changing room.

I'm sorry but in this day and age you can pretty much breast feed anywhere. I only did it for 6 weeks both times but did do it in public frequently with twins and another one,it's perfectly possible to do it discretely anywhere. There is far too much song and dance,making a mountain out of a mole hill over this. Nobody is going to get arrested so what's the big deal just feed your baby if you want to as ermmmm nobody actually cares or is in the slightest bit interested.

On the basis of this the lady had far more options open to her so really should have fed her baby elsewhere.

Good heavens, barnsley, I would have absolutely no compunction in changing a nappy in the park. How ridiculous of that person.

It is really just in shops and particularly restaurants that I think it may be a bit OTT. While we are all very used to lots of dirty nappies, others aren't and I'm not sure it's fair to subject people eating their lunch to the spectacle of my child's dirty bum. Even I who consider myself quite immune to these things would prefer to eat my lunch bum and poo-free (although that is still a rare occurence it has to be said!).

I do find it very sad that even in Scotland, where the law makes it illegal to harass a mother feeding in public, mothers feel the need to hide away - especially in a changing room. I couldn't agree more, btw, OP - breastfeeding in a changing room is absolutely horrible and no-one should feel forced to do it. In some ways, I think that feeding in changing rooms is worse than feeding in a toilet as the dirty nappies are all fermenting in a bin, rather than being flushed away.

Why should the garden centre provide more feeding facilities when the law protects the feeding mother and baby? IMO the mother could very easily have found a quiet corner (no need to buy a coffee to sit in a cafe, IME, in fact I've even had waiters offer me water when I've been feeding!) and if she felt embarrassed then her dp could have easily provided cover.

I agree still, were a loo available i would always use it, always.
With ref to the op though, i also would never want to feed my baby in the changing room whilst sat on the changing table. I think that's gross.

Would it not have been simpler to go outside sit down and change baby on your knee, poor woman, felt she wanted privicy in a locked room and she couldn't even get that.

But sweaty she was feeding in her baby in a changing room, whilst sat on the changing table. Yuk. Op is 32 weeks preg and i would imagine it's pretty difficult to find enough space on your knee to change a 2 yr old who's had a messy poo.

Not the best place to feed I agree, but makes you wonder why she felt the need to go there. That does not make it right for people to shout and swear and bang doors. The staff member when grabbed might have though there was some concern for the person in the changing, not that they were all harassing her. Terrible behaviour. She had as much right to feed as they had to change their children. Oh and I have changed a poo covered 2 year old in many places. I thik knee changing is a handy skill to learn. Especially if they are going to put time limits on changing facilities .