In thinking BFing baby in a baby change with a queue outside the door is selfish and a bit mingin'.

[Confuzzeled]

Went to a busy garden center today, dd had a poo. All the toilets had queues, even the disabled loo.

Stood in the queue for the baby change for about ten minutes, Mummy's and kiddies going in and out pretty quick. The couple in front of me had a girl about 4 months old (can't be sure but she was holding her head up strongly and was quite big).

They went into the baby change and after about 5 minutes the woman behind me told me to knock on the door. I said to wait another couple of minutes as it could've been a messy one. So another 5 minutes later the woman behind me tells me to knock on the door again, I was just thinking about doing it anyway. So I knock on the door and shout "Is everything okay?".

There was no answer so I knocked again. Still no answer so the woman behind me pushes past and hammers on the door, she shouts "Can you hurry up, there's a queue out here".

There's no answer so the woman grabs a passing member of staff who knocks then unlocks the door. I can see the woman sitting on the baby change counter feeding her baby while the man is sitting on the child toilet. The staff member just asks them if they are okay, closes the door and locks it again. The woman behind me is furious and hammers on the door shouting "This is a toilet not a bloody feeding room". Then she stands behind me as the couple come out. The mum who was feeding glowers at my dd and says "She should be using a toilet by now anyway". I say "What? She's 2" and because I'm annoyed that she's picked on my dd I say "Feeding your baby in a toilet is disgusting and bloody selfish". Then I slam the door before she can reply.

I change dd at light speed and head out, the couple are looking at cards right outside the door to the toilets and she calls me a twat when I walk past. I make a show of covering dd's ears and say loudly "Don't you dare swear in front of my daughter". Everyone looked at her in a very disapproving way.

So while I'm a huge advocate for bfing, having bf my dd until she stopped herself and will bf my ds thats due in August, I honestly think it's selfish to bf a baby in a busy baby change.

Okay am feeling pretty ashamed of myself and feel very put in my place for the way I behaved. I do still think that taking up a baby change for 15 minutes when there is a huge queue outside is misguided. There were other options available to the couple but they chose not to take them.

I'm sorry if I didn't put all the relevant information in the first post, I guess I didn't think it was all relevant at the time and was just answering what people said.

If the woman behind me in the queue hadn't been so pushy then I probably would have knocked after 10 minutes and asked a staff member to check and see if the couple were okay after 15. I wouldn't have hammered on the door and would never have shouted. I only said she what I did because she was nasty to my dd and all I'd done was knock politely twice and ask if everything was okay.

Yes it is the Edinburgh one Satsuma, were you in the queue?

You both sound pretty horrible. I am not surprised though she called you a twat. She probably thought it was you banging on the door and you told her what she did was disgusting.

Not to mention you swore in front of your own daughter first......

I dont get your objection to her swearing...

and your thread title isnt very nice either.

YABU. And you seem to be making assumptions too. No carrier or buggy means they have a car? When our children were 4 months old we didn't use either, just carried them where ever we went. Couldn't it be possible that they walked, or someone dropped them off?

I breastfed dd in a changing room once. It was smelly and horrible, and I had to feed her standing up. Not something I wanted to do but I didn't want to feed in public and I didn't want my baby to go hungry.

I'm surprised she didn't answer with folk banging on the door. Telling people she was breast feeding might have stopped the banging. Surprised the assistant didn't tell them he'd open the door if they didn't answer as well. No-one was very considerate of others, but then if you all had fractious sprogs that's not surprising.

What were the other options available?

YABU I would feed my baby there too of it were the only place. Not her fault that there are not better facilities. I could change a baby/toddler stood up/in the loos but would need privacy to bf. Also, don't see why it makes a difference if the baby is 4 months or two weeks. My DS fed 2 hourly from the get go and continues to at 7 months.

Confuzzeled, you sound pretty reasonable to me Most people who are roundly told that they're being unreasonable have started swearing and flouncing by this point.

Also, I may well have muttered at anyone who I thought was calling me bf DS disgusting/selfish.

Yes, taking up the toilet/change room for 15 minutes is a long time, but the poor woman must have felt she had no choice - if it had been me I would have been thinking of my baby and stopping the meltdown and thanking my lucky stars I survived another feed

what a bunch of crazed harridans, this is why i avoid
a. garden centres
b. people with small children/babies

Nope Confuzzeled, not in the queue but know how busy the toilets can get!

Nope Confuzzeled, not in the queue but know how busy the toilets can get!

You sounds like you behaved horribly, tbh. And as someone who also BFed I'd have expected a bit more support. She must have felt desperate to have chosen to feed in the toilet.

And you swore first, so really not sure what moral high ground you're claiming there.

YABVU.

But the point is, jelly beans, no one accused the woman of being selfish for bf. It was a hogging a baby changing room for 15 minutes which was selfish.

If you look at it that each parents had a child who had needs to be met (ie one needed feeding and one needed a dirty nappy changed) then the bf woman had more options because bf discreetly in public is hygienic and acceptable whereas changing a dirty nappy in public is unhygienic and unacceptable.

If it was her choice to not bf in public because she felt uncomfortable, then actually I think the onus is more on her to make other arrangements than using a baby changing room which imo is pretty disgusting for feeding anyway. If you really do not want to bf in public, then there are ways of making life easier (eg take a car with you and sit in that) or if you don't have a car, then position your partner so he's creating some privacy (the OP mentioned the partner was sat on the loo I think!)

As I said, I actually think the OP behaved unreasonable too here, and it all sounds a bit unecessary and undignified, but I do think the starting point is that it's unreasonable to hog a changing room for 15 minutes and ignore people knocking on the door.

I am with you all the way on this OP.
Woman was rude, selfish and a tad on the dirty side.

I would not want to eat my food in a toilet, why shouls a baby

YABU. Ridiculous situation, badly dealt with.

I understand that she wouldnt want her baby to go hungry but what about all those poor children left in smelly nappies surely that was unfair too.

I think everyone is being abit harsh on the OP after all it wasnt her that banged on the door, it wasnt her that made the first unreasonable comment and quite frankly if someone had a dig at my child i would have a dig right back.

Lets face it the lady that was breast feeeding did have a choice about where to feed, the op didnt have a choice as to where to change her childs nappy.

YANBU Confussled

YANBU confuzzled a baby changing area is for changing baby's.
The woman could have fed her baby in any number of places in a garden centre including the car.
What is truly unreasonable is that a mothers feel they have to hide away because some people are arsey about mothers bfing in public

Why do people keep saying the OP swore first? She didn't - the woman behind her said "this is a toilet not a bloody feeding room", not her.

I think the whole lot of you are pathetic. there is no reason why a nappy cannot be changed in the main toilets. Its common sense to have a portable changing mat.

Your SPD could not have been that bad if you were taking a toddler around a butterfly farm. (Yes I have had SPD and I have an older child as well.) I still don't see why you could not change a two year old in the main toilet.

How on earth do you cope if you take a toddler somewhere without a baby change facilty?

It would have been interesting to get the other lady's side of the story. Prehaps she had been directed to a "feeding room" by staff. Prehaps her baby is very distractable. Prehaps she is very tired and sleep deprived and not thinking straight.

As for a four month old baby, babies are distractible at this age and prehaps was going through a growth spurt.

Oh wait, she did. She said she was bloody selfish

As you were.

Although I have to say I don't consider either bloody or twat to be swear words, but that is a whole other thread....

nor do i curry

Curry - i dont consider either word to be a swear word either.

However it was the other women who made a dig first at the Op so i think she had every right to respond the way she did, esp as the dig was at the ops child. Now that is bang out of order.

Blimey - 'bloody' not a swear word. What is the world coming to...