AIBU to worry because I can't afford to privately educate my children?

[LaydeeStardust]

I hope this makes sense-I've had wine!

We've got 4 bright and happy children,aged 4 and up.

DS2 is 14, and is apparently extremely bright and attends our local inner city state school which gets average results

Both his own school teachers and two friends who teach at different private schools have told us that he should attend a private school to give him the best possible chances in life.

One of his teachers actually said we are letting him down by not sending him to a private school

We earn too little to pay for private education ourselves so he'd have to apply for an assisted place (we both work in social services and health)

we honestly believe in the state system,but maybe we can't really say that because we don't earn enough choose?

DS2's done his own research and is now worrying that he won't be able to get into a good uni, or get a good job etc if he doesnt go to a private school....and I don't know how to reassure him!!

I'd be so interested to hear other peoples' views on this-both me and DH went to state schools then uni, but if anyone feels I'm living in cloud cuckoo land to believe that our children will achieve whatever they want without a private education please tell me!!!

Thanks in advance!!

Because Basking, you're making a huge generalisation about private schools. It would be like me coming on here and saying that all state schools are crap and full of drug addicts and delinquents and so I've chosen to send my kids to private schools !! It would be a complete lie.

There's good and bad in both sectors of course you will get some private schools who will be very money orientated and equally some with really poor education results (might even be the same ones!) But I'm certainly not sending my kids to their school to get invited to the right sort of parties.

It was a well thought out, well researched and complicated decision we came to which was made in the best interests of our kids which ultimately is all everyone is trying to do.

Thank you Thunderduck.

I confidently expect to be appointed the Education Tsar (ina) by Mr Gordon.

"It's such a load nonsense that people send their children to independent schools so that they can rub shoulders with rich kids. My sons' independent is more multicultural and just as socially diverse as our town's state secondaries. "

Really?? In Harpenden?

That's for kids who didn't pass the entrance for CHS across the road. There's lots of piss taking at the bus stops outside. Even the kids at CH secondary take the piss out of kids at HH. I see it all the time as I teach at a nearby primary.

Basking seals - see when you were saying that independent school parents were shelling out the shekels for snob value, I thought that was an insult.

So saying that the reason people [some people i should have said] choose to privately educate because they want to make the right connections, is like saying state schools are full of drug addicts?

Is it the generalization you're objecting to or the sentiment or both?

Are you talking about public schools or private schools basking?

You keep changing your mind.

Or are you talking about all paid for schools?

You can count on my support Madame.

You didn't say 'some'. You made a blanket statement of

'They may pretend its for the sake of a better education, this is not true, it's mostly for snob value.'

Which is as an unreasonable as me saying that ridiculous stuff about state schools. It's not true and I think its rude that you put mine and many other people's decision down to something like snobbery when certainly for me, it had nothing to do with that.

I have some key policies, which I think you will like. One is ponies for all children under the age of 16. Another is compulsory midnight munching for secondary schools.

Any other ideas?

Madame, I liked Basking Seals idea of free holidays in the Caribbean. This should be compulsory while all children are in full-time education.

I think I'm talking about both. I don't judge people for making what they feel is the right choice for their children, if they are in a position of being able to make that choice, and I totally accept that sacrifices are often made by parents committed to the idea of public/private education. But there is another side to it, and while I really don't think that the people posting are snobs, I really do think that quite alot of people who privately educate their children are. Maybe I'm wrong.

Bring back spanking with hairbrushes for cheeking the Head Girl, I say!

I went ot stste school,got a crappy degree but managed to find a job in public sector,straight off.

Db youngest one,is privately eddded at sixth form level,is predicted a first,and is struggling on the job front.Prob in a normal economic sit he would have found a job,but it is all madness,really.

If anyone wants a talented language grad to work for them,please let me know

Lashings of ginger beer for everyone?

What a super idea, Quattro! So inclusive!

Tongue lashings for minor transgressions all round, I say!

Ginger beer will be core for the healthy eating policy, sitting alongside fruit shoots and greggs sausage rolls, non?

Hmm, BoF, I certainly will be advocating more emphasis on discipline in our schools..let me take spanking with hairbrushes to committee...

I shall certainly be investigating whether tongue lashing is more beneficial in single sex or co-ed schools....

No I agree with you on that Basking, some people are snobs, and would just automatically privately educate their child at the most expensive school no matter whether it was the best school for their child.

Just like there are people who automatically buy the most expensive car, or go on the most expensive holiday etc and their whole decision making criteria is based on how much it costs BUT I don't you necessarily only get people like that in private schools. Sadly snobs are everywhere

talking of which, BoF, should you not be organising some midnight noshing of your own?

thank you BoF. And no talking after lights out.

The sad fact is though,that my da had a senior position in state ed,and when I was growing up was the biggest believer,in state education.He worked in really deprived state schools.Then shortly before he retired he jacked it in and worked abroad,then when he came back to UK he decided to send db youngest to a private sixth form.As a young man he was the biggest believer in state ed.What happened?Was it just he had the money to send db ypungest to a privte 6 form?Or was he so jaded from working in inner city schools?I dunno.It is an anomal about my df I cannot fathom!Due to circs my children will be state edded,but ifI could afford it,I dunno.I am against private health care,being an nhs worker,but if I had the money?I really don't know.

Going back to the OP, the point which struck me is that there are 4 children and the bills for 4 would be breathtaking. And I imagine it's quite hard not to try to do the same for all ones children