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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to worry because I can't afford to privately educate my children?

380 replies

LaydeeStardust · 27/06/2009 20:47

I hope this makes sense-I've had wine!

We've got 4 bright and happy children,aged 4 and up.

DS2 is 14, and is apparently extremely bright and attends our local inner city state school which gets average results

Both his own school teachers and two friends who teach at different private schools have told us that he should attend a private school to give him the best possible chances in life.

One of his teachers actually said we are letting him down by not sending him to a private school

We earn too little to pay for private education ourselves so he'd have to apply for an assisted place (we both work in social services and health)

we honestly believe in the state system,but maybe we can't really say that because we don't earn enough choose?

DS2's done his own research and is now worrying that he won't be able to get into a good uni, or get a good job etc if he doesnt go to a private school....and I don't know how to reassure him!!

I'd be so interested to hear other peoples' views on this-both me and DH went to state schools then uni, but if anyone feels I'm living in cloud cuckoo land to believe that our children will achieve whatever they want without a private education please tell me!!!

Thanks in advance!!

OP posts:

Thunderduck · 27/06/2009 22:41

My dp was privately educated,private day school he was an Eton boy,and he's the least confident person I know.
There's more than one reason for that,and the boarding system is rather different from a day private school,though he went to one during his early years but it didn't help his confidence at all. There's no guarantee.

BitOfFun · 27/06/2009 22:44

Not enough midnight noshing, Thunderduck, clearly...

piscesmoon · 27/06/2009 22:44

If I were to send them to private schools it would be for things like smaller classes. I think I would run a mile from 'the right parties' or 'the right people'-whoever they are. The thing I like best about the state system is that they mix with all sorts of people.

MadameDefarge · 27/06/2009 22:45

Maybe we should try and persuade Justine et al to open MN Towers; the school.

I'd love to see the curriculum

chegirl · 27/06/2009 22:46

Its all a different world to me . No one in my family have been to university. DS1 will go and its all a bit .

Interestingly I find that although the teachers have high expectations of DS they dont have them of me and OH. I think its a given that they are sort of rescuing him from deprevation by taking such and interest

I dont mean that about ALL of his teachers but I have certainly come across a fair few since he started school. Its a bit irritating TBH. I am pleased that they are making an effort but not so chuffed that they assume we are a bunch of chavs. I mean, surely we have something to do with his genius? . I taught him to bloody read!

I rember reading him 'Kinship and Family in East London' at bedtime (I know, I know! but we liked it) when I was doing my OU stuff. he was SO sweet when he was little. Now he is all big and grunty.

Thunderduck · 27/06/2009 22:47

Ignore the rather random private day school that was thrown into the first sentence,I typed a sentence and didn't quite delete all of it.

And yes that was obviously the problem BOF,a few more riding lessons too would have helped him become a confident mounter.

BitOfFun · 27/06/2009 22:49

MN Towers would be brilliant! Lentil Weavery for Domestic Science, and Ocado Online for IT...

MadameDefarge · 27/06/2009 22:50

with a great emphasis on Healthy Eating....

LupusinaLlamasuit · 27/06/2009 22:50

rofl at your bedtime reading chegirl

Excellent choice.

myredcardigan · 27/06/2009 22:51

Lupusina, not all Cheshire indie schools are like that. SGS and CHS both very academic. They're not all Terra Nova you know! Or the Alderley Edge School for naughty boys otherwise known as R.

FWIW, it's not just about academics. It's about facilities, class sizes (at primary) and support network. A good state school can offer better than a poor independent school so check your school carefully.

You're not failing them otherwise 93% of the country would be failing their kids. Good support at home is the most vital component and I say that as a parent who uses the independent sector.

LovelyTinOfSpam · 27/06/2009 22:52

Oh thunderduck I am sorry to hear that your DP does not mount confidently...

BitOfFun · 27/06/2009 22:52

Do I get the impression I am lowering the tone on this thread? Sorry

baskingseals · 27/06/2009 22:53

No I'm not a troll I promise, I just feel that the public school system isn't all it's cracked up to be, and I don't think people should feel inadequate if they aren't in a financial position to privately educate their children.

LupusinaLlamasuit · 27/06/2009 22:53

heh heh heh

I know people who went to ALL those schools.

And then there's HH (is it still going?) school for the Terminally dim Uninterested...

Thunderduck · 27/06/2009 22:53

No please keep it up BOF. I want to go to MN Towers.

MadameDefarge · 27/06/2009 22:53

Ah yes, A GCSE in Lowering the Tone would be central to the MN Towers curriculum.

Swedes · 27/06/2009 22:54

"93% of children are state educated in the UK. The vast majority. Again the vast majority of university applicants and places are taken up by state educated children. Unless your DS is attending a sink school where it's a struggle to get an education, I really wouldn't bother."

said Quattro, who has elected to send both her children to independent schools.

MadameDefarge · 27/06/2009 22:55

Er, Thunderduck, not to be me me me about it, but MN Towers was my idea!

Quattrocento · 27/06/2009 22:55

"The main reason parents who can afford it send their children to public school is to meet the right people, go to the right parties, join the right pony club, get free holidays in the right ski/beach resorts, an added bonus is being able to place/name drop at the right dinner/drinks parties. They may pretend its for the sake of a better education, this is not true, it's mostly for snob value."

This is plain nonsense. As Swedes said, I can see why people think this. But you need to know that it's (a) not true and (b) bloody rude

BitOfFun · 27/06/2009 22:57

< award self an A* >

MadameDefarge · 27/06/2009 22:58

Thunderduck · 27/06/2009 22:58

You're a real brick Madame. It's a spiffing idea.

chegirl · 27/06/2009 23:00

Thanks Lupisina (I am sure there is a girl in DS's year with that name ).

Trouble is I think that a few too many of DS's teachers have been over influenced by the book . They are determined to save DS from East End squalor and low parental expectations.

I think I will turn up for his next open evening in a wrap over pinny and a turban. OH can wear his belt and braces and hobnail boots. (makes me all weepy for me nan and grandad )

AND FRANKLY I AM SHOCKED at the tone lowering going on on this thread.

Its taken far longer than usual

baskingseals · 27/06/2009 23:00

Why is it bloody rude?

Quattrocento · 27/06/2009 23:03

Swedes - yes of course, I'm quite open about sending my DCs to independent schools. But all situations are different, are they not? It struck me that the OP was asking for reassurance that her DS could get into university from a state school - and I thought that the raw statistics would do that. Is that allowed?

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