To find reactions to my baby's gender odd?

[FattipuffsandThinnifers]

I'm 21 weeks pg and found out today at a scan that I'm having a girl . I have a ds already. I've told some family and a few friends, and a common reaction is "how lovely, now you'll have the perfect family".

Now, I'm very happy to be having a girl, but would have been equally happy to have another boy (and in some ways happier for ds to have more of a like-minded playmate iyswim). If this baby was a boy, I certainly would not have felt in any way cheated of the 'perfect' family unit. I also certainly do not feel sorry for any of my friends whose children are all of the same sex!

I understand why people say this, and of course it's meant with all lovely intentions, but AIBU to find it a bit odd? And to wonder what the reaction would have been if I was having a second boy?

Indeed, people are weird about this

My personal favourite was when someone said to me "DP didn't mind, did he?" when DD2 was born!

I mean WTF?!!

Y
A
N
B
U
!

I have 3 girls and was really shocked that some people actually seriously assumed I'd be or had been 'trying for a boy'. I just wanted children, and am very grateful for what I was given!

Isn't it just something people say? It's just small talk. I'm sure I've probably said similar. There was no meaning to it, it was just noise.

(my mum said 'oh dear, never mind' to the births of my 2nd and 3rd daughters, thanks mum)

Sleepycat, true, true.

Yes, I found it weird, too. I didn't know the gender beforehand, but just about everyone assumed I wanted a girl because I already had a boy. And when I was pg with no3 plenty of people asked why I wanted another child when I already had one of each!

As for the 'perfect' family unit - well, I found have the 'perfect' pair too perfect, too symmetrical, too boring. Just one of the reasons why we went on to have no3.

Multiple x-posts!

Yes, do understand it's polite small-talk, but still a) unoriginal, and b) potentially insensitive.

What if I'd wanted another boy?

And it's not like you can choose.

i think its just small talk, seriously what do you say to someone when you tell them you are having a oy/girl...you obv say congrats and then you have to make some kind of positive comment tis only polite so you say 'ooh one of each, how lovely' or 'two boys, a playmate for your ds' or a version of that

That's exactly it, surely most people have children to have a child, not to get a specific variety.

Oh god, is there pressure to be "original" now when told of baby's gender? "Ohhh, not hermaphrodite this time?"

it's just polite chit chat please dont get annoyed

I do agree that followingup with an appropriately warm and lovely comment is required, but hardly gender-dependent, surely?

"Another dd? Aww, well done, that's lovely!"

Is surely better than

"Another dd? Your DP didn't mind, did he?"

But why not just leave it at "one of each, how lovely" or "two boys, how lovely"?

x-posted, notnowb

And of course, the natural follow-up to the birth of the 2nd same-sex sibling is the

"Will you be trying for a boy/girl?"

I do realise this is mostly harmless conversation by well-meaning folk who are interested in sharing experiences etc but it can be a bit boring sometimes

Notnowbernard, absolutely.

And did your DP mind?

Yes, he demanded we put her up for adoption straight away such was his disappointment

I mean, really... WHAT was the woman who said that to me thinking?!

I don't like this kind of talk, I don't even like it when people say 'as long as it's healthy'. If it's my baby, yes I do want it to be healthy, but if it's not I will still love it so much. We had a bit of both when my son was born. Yes he was the boy after two girls, but he wasn't healthy. And did it make a single bit of difference to me? No I was pleased to meet him and love him. He's fine now. Gender schmender.

I have two boys and people still ask if I'll keep trying till I get a girl. it's assumed that people want at least one of each.
I actually have no desire to have a girl (except, perhaps, for the dressing-up possibilities).

Lyra I have sen you on here when I was on here all the time, but now I've read the books and I love your name. Good argument for having a girl to be like Lyra, or a son to be like Will. Yeah.

Goodasgold, I love those books. If I had a girl I'd name her Lyra.

Amazing books. I was sad to finish them, I could have read about those characters for years and years. Great name. I might change my name to a Northern Lights one too. Like goodasgoldenmonkey. But your name is a goody, mine would I think be a baddy.

Lord Azriel? Mrs Coulter?