To find reactions to my baby's gender odd?

[FattipuffsandThinnifers]

I'm 21 weeks pg and found out today at a scan that I'm having a girl . I have a ds already. I've told some family and a few friends, and a common reaction is "how lovely, now you'll have the perfect family".

Now, I'm very happy to be having a girl, but would have been equally happy to have another boy (and in some ways happier for ds to have more of a like-minded playmate iyswim). If this baby was a boy, I certainly would not have felt in any way cheated of the 'perfect' family unit. I also certainly do not feel sorry for any of my friends whose children are all of the same sex!

I understand why people say this, and of course it's meant with all lovely intentions, but AIBU to find it a bit odd? And to wonder what the reaction would have been if I was having a second boy?

YANBU - really don't get me started. We had 2 DDs and found out we were having a a boy. We would have loved another girl, but people just assumed that we'd been trying until we had a boy. We got, 'So you'll be stopping now you've got your boy, will you?'.

Drove me crackers.

oh and i actually have a friend whose mil told her if she produced a grndd, she would give her £500 - all other GCs in family were boys and the mil herself had had 7 sons

This is a bit of a old thread is it not?

You should say, with a totally deadpan face "We wanted a boy. We're terribly disappointed".

That'll shut them right up.

YABU

People will say the same stuff to pregnant women over and over, that's life. They're just being polite and friendly.

Presumably you yourself have a whole raft of original, never before heard bon mots to offer people when they comment on the weather etc and you never resort to small talk?

I have discovered since using MN that the best way to deal with a prgnant woman you don't know very well is to cross the street before you have to talk to her, as whatever you say or do will be taken as evidence that you are insensitive, unoriginal, or have something against boys/ girls/ only children/ twins/ large families.

I keep it firmly buttoned now unless I know the person well.

We're waiting for DC1 and don't know whether it'll be a boy or girl. I often wonder what the people who say "I really approve of not finding out" say to people who have found out. DGma has said "I'm sure your parents are hoping for a boy as they have two GD already". I found that a bit odd.

I'm sort of hoping that it might be a puppy and will be delighted if it doesn't recreate that scene in Alien.

YANBU I had it aswell. With first 2 DDs people dropped hints or said directly that DH must be abit dissapointed. Then we found out no 3 was a DD and that she was very ill and prob not survive the pregnancy. MIL still went on about 'poor daddy' with 3 DD!! (Gender was our last concern at that point!!) Grrr

I then had twin boys and people said 'oh you are so lucky 2 of each' all the time. Yes i was very lucky but it felt abit weird as if we had had DD3 (she was stillborn) that would have been just as lovely.

I also have another DS now and when people see my with the younger 3 DSs they assume I 'just have the boys' and I sometimes feel sympathetic looks from the SMOGS!!

Still, as long as you are happy that is the main thing!!! I was happy with any gender so long as it lived (we lost 4 altogether)

Fgs it's just making conversation, they probably don't give two tosses whether you have a boy, girl or panda. The amount of people on here who have worked out sarky, rude responses to anyone who dares pass the time of day with them is shocking.

It'll serve you all right when we get to the stage when people are too scared of saying the wrong thing to open their mouths. Then you'll all be bellyaching that no one pays your precious dcs any attention. Get a grip please.

zukicat, I have a boy ( and a girl) , spare me your sorrow.

to the OP - thre is a similar thread running at the moment, people do come out with silly platitudes and sometimes offensive commetns.

when i found out i was having a dd after a ds, we got similar, and aren't you clever commetns.

people say stuff for the sake of talking, a lot of the time

YANBU! If you found out it was a 2nd boy, some people might say, nevermind, are you going to try again for a girl.
This is what I experienced when i had my 2nd DD.

Why would you feel sorry for someone who has a boy? Just because you may not have enjoyed yours doesn't mean other people can't. I have both genders and have enjoyed both. If I had another DC I really would not care the gender. When you have several children you can see it is more about personality than genitalia that defines someone. I feel sorry for someone who wants a baby at all and can't.. not someone who has a healthy child!! (whatever it's gender)

The strangest comment I got from someone after DS3 was born was "Oh didn't you want a girl then?" as if I'd placed an order! My answer to her and to everyone else who asked was that all I had wanted was a healthy baby and I'd got that thank you!

Clearly people experience this over and over.

Given that the OP was June 2009

We had the same issue when we found out the gender of current pg. 2 boys now and folk are very sympathetic.

I did initially want a girl, but knew in my heart it would be a boy. Even dh said he would like a girl. It's a bit like running a gauntlet though. We told folk at playgroup that we had a scan that day and they asked if we would find out, to which we said 'of course'. They then asked our preferences. We said we didn't mind - we really didn't. A girl was a preference, but not a desire. Plus, nicer for ds1 to have a brother we thought.

A week later at playgroup we told them scan results and there was no 'congrats' or 'how lovely', just a very flat 'oh well, never mind'.

We were so excited when ds was born and now it's a ds2 it's like he doesn't count at all!If he had been a girl - I know it would be very different. I am pretty gutted actually. DS2 is every bit as important as ds1!!!

Even my best mate just said 'oh another carbon copy then' (dh has 4 brothers who look very similar and happen to look like ds too).

I just feel really bad for ds2 - he's not even here yet and I can feel younger sibling syndrome settling in on him.

People just aren't as excited about your 2nd pregnancy. I didn't even know that DD2 was another DD and we still had younger sibling syndrome.

This is why I now think it is better (for me) not to find out.

When DD2 was born I had a fleeting moment of thinking "oh right, I thought she was a boy, oh dear" and then a sudden overwhelming feeling of "OMG 2 girls, I've got 2 girls, just what I've always wanted" (which it wasn't at all).

We just found out yesterday that we are likely having a second DS (scan was not 100% clear). My mum and nan both said exactly the same thing: "A boy.... again." And people seem to feel the need to preface their congratulations with some kind of reason why it's ok not to be having a girl this time - yeah, we know!

The REALLY annoying thing is that people are already saying "Oh, you can always have a girl later on" and I feel like, no matter that we always planned to have at least 3 children, everyone will assume that we MUST be trying for a girl in future. I can't bear to think of the sympathetic drivel that will ensue should we have 3 boys!!

And zukiecat, I love my boys to death so please don't extend your pity to me. I feel sorry for your son...

Had 3 ds and on the third I was actually asked if I was disappointed! Fuming! Had a dd when ds 3 was 12 and had all the comments eg oh a perfect family etc. felt like my fab ds weren't enough obviously. am now pg with number 5 and nobody comments cos already got what apparently I should have....a mixture.

At 46 years old I still get comments like, you could always have a girl!!!

Secretly, I would have liked one but I decided two was enough to populate this world. They are both great little fellas.