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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to think that my darling teen niece has lied about something so serious she has potentially ruined someones career?

354 replies

ReesiRoo · 13/06/2009 11:37

My lovely neice is 13 years old. Since the start of secondary school at age 11 she has been bullied. Although it has been all verbal and never violent, it has had a huge impact on her life and i've seen her go from a bubbly, confident girl to one who sits in her room constantly and doesn't know how to communicate anymore. It got to the point where DNeice was getting abuse from most of the kids in the class at every lesson, at break time, walking home from school, so it was happening several times a day. She is very bright but hates school or anything remotely academic as a result of the bullying.

My sister (neices mum) knows all about the bullying but has as much told her to get on with things and tell the kids to fuck off. Easy enough if neice was like that, but she is so painfully shy, it is never going to happen. I have thought about going into school to sort it for neice, but I didn't want anything bad to come of it, like making it worse for her, or my sister and I falling out. My neice has asked sister to move school on so many occasions, but Dsis has always refused, just for an easy life I suspect.

So now after 2 years of this DNeice has made an allegation towards one of her teachers. I can't go much into it but the teacher has been suspended and police have been involved. Dsis is STILL making DNeice go to school while all of this is happening and somehow, the kids in her class have got to know about it and as you can imagine, her life is a living hell with all the questioning and pointing, and word spreads quickly, so most of her year know about it now.

Thing is, I think my neice's allegations are false. I completely understand her reasons for coming up with this allegation, she wanted a way out, a way to actually make sis send her to a new school as it was probably the only way for her to get out of this hell hole of a school. I don't know what to do. If I ask DNeice directly, she will think I don't trust her and I am really the only adult figure in her life who she sees as reassurance and trustworthy, someone to talk to (least I hope she feels that way). Please advise.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 13/06/2009 22:32

Thanks, Justine.

Quattrocento · 13/06/2009 22:32

Vamoosed from the thread as soon as Lola slipped up. Glad about outing. Sad for the people for whom this struck a chord and who now feel very hurt.

MN could do more I think about all this trollery.

Quattrocento · 13/06/2009 22:33

And in fact have done more - thanks Justine

Stayingsunnygirl · 13/06/2009 22:33

Thank-you for all your hard work at Mumsnet Towers Justine and colleagues.

Now I don't know whether I feel more foolish for getting stroppy with her or for apologising to her. Ah well - live and learn.

TripleTroubleMuffin · 13/06/2009 22:36

i had this at 6.30pm -

Hi there,
We have looked into this and don't have any evidence that Lola and the OP are the same person, therefore we have to give them the benefit of the doubt.
Saying that, we will keep a close eye on the thread and do report anything that further raises your concerns.

Obviously can see now that things have moved on with the ^ post from Justine.

AitchTwoOh · 13/06/2009 22:36

so what about doris? i owe an apology for doubting her if she was for real.

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 13/06/2009 22:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

SomeGuy · 13/06/2009 22:48

Hooray.

FrannyandZooey · 13/06/2009 22:51

oh dear
i hope all concerned are ok
this kind of thing is sad
hope you can get some support lola as obviously all is not well

MNHQ
JustineMumsnet · 13/06/2009 22:53

Think you do, Aitch.

FYI for Oldtimers, seems Lola is/was one of our old friends, AnnainManchester.

As said in the past, please do report any suspicions of trolls rather than feed them on board if you can bear it. We have one or two persistent old friends and they know how to cover their tracks pretty well from a tech point of view.

Cheers.

AitchTwoOh · 13/06/2009 22:59

many apologies, doris, given what you've been through it was all the more unhappy i didn't completely believe in the coincidence of your turning up at that moment. i do apologise.

this, of course, perfectly illustrates the damage the trolling can do, making people less likely to welcome and believe those who are genuine.

summerbird · 13/06/2009 23:04

agreed aitch you couldnt be blamed for not believing, no disrespect to doris of course.

all a very sad state of affairs, i have been on MN for a year and have only been exposed to trolling in the last couple of weeks and cant believe how much of it there is (didnt even know what a troll was until then! had to read the MN description!!)

this tosh has made me withdraw my public page as i dont want people to see any pics of me or my unborn child, or read any perosnal info about me. sad really as it started out as a bit of a fun way to network when i was TTCing

i still love MN - but what a shame.....

popsycal · 13/06/2009 23:06

jusinte - I, for one, am glad you have named and shamed

dittany · 13/06/2009 23:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ItsAllaBitNoisy · 13/06/2009 23:11

Lol at "Lola is a troll, rather than a showgirl."

It was annoying me already how the troll-hunters were going on and on, and on - it will be unbearable now.

Ignore and report, would be my advice.

popsycal · 13/06/2009 23:13

i enjoyed that too

dorisbonkers · 13/06/2009 23:13

Dittany - snap!

Oh lord, feel like a muppet now.

Horrid

kalo12 · 13/06/2009 23:13

maybe she had been bullied herself and wanted to see how mums would have dealt with it. or maybe she wanted to control and manipulate people because she felt she wanted revenge.

i can't believe people do it jsut for fun.

i feel sorry for her

AitchTwoOh · 13/06/2009 23:15

i think they must be unhappy souls. in a way i don't resent their pretending that their lives are more dramatic than they are or whatever, but there must be ways of doing that walter mitty thing without leeching the emotional energy of other people.

dorisbonkers · 13/06/2009 23:15

Aitch, I am real! Are you the BLW blog person because I post on there to.

I read the first page, felt strongly enough (and after 2 glasses of wine) to post my experience.

If this was a troll, then it was a sophisticated effort and it makes me sad (and a little foolish...)

Sycamoretreeisvile · 13/06/2009 23:15

It's about control.

Control they don't have in RL

It's pretty tragic.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 13/06/2009 23:15

yy

emotional vampirism

SolidGoldBrass · 13/06/2009 23:16

I tend to think that the people who troll at this sort of level are people with some degree of mental health issues. It's probable that the subjects they bring up are linked in some way with a past trauma of their own that they are not able to get over.The whole anonymity/semi anonymity of the internet means that it can feel like a safe place to act out, to go over your former troubles again and again, or to put your worst fantaies (ie the things you fear the most) out into a public arena and kind of roleplay them safely...
It is rough on the posters who give more of their pyschological time than they can really afford, though.

dorisbonkers · 13/06/2009 23:17

er, 'too' (3 glasses of wine, a night off from b/feeding....)

as you were.

I haven't read the pages between 1 and 9 so I don't know what controversy occurred.

dorisbonkers · 13/06/2009 23:18

boysarelikedogs

word

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