to think it strange that MIL is booking a family hols for her, DIL, DH and his brother and to not invite me and DD?

[dol1y]

We get on pretty well and I don't think its a malicious attempt to exclude us it just seems a bit strange. It also means DH will have to use annual leave and I will be on my own with 5mo DD for the time they are away. DH will be expected to pay his share for the accommodation etc at a hotel - we are struggling to get a week away in Wales in a caravan over the summer! I don't think its malicious but it does seem a bit thoughtless. So... AIBU??

[Kimi]

YANBU your DH needs to tell her he is not going as he is having a family holiday with his wife and child

[LovelyTinOfSpam]

Bet FIl also shit scared of MIL.

[2rebecca]

But on mumsnet we do tend to let passive men off the hook and blame the women. Most men aren't that pathetic and some of them use passivity as an excuse to get what they want, assuming innocent bystander role. It may be FIL who's behind the whole thing with his wife as his mouthpiece.
If he's not stopping this pantomime of a "family" holiday he's equally culpable.

[LovelyTinOfSpam]

I don't see many men getting away with much on MN at all 2rebecca! FWIW though most of the women I know are the dominant partners in their relationships...

But yes, of course you have a point, I am suitably chastened.

[HecatesTwopenceworth]

Your husband really needs to say "thanks mum, but I don't want to go on holiday without my family"

VERY important that he says my family. She needs to understand her place in his life!

[saintmaybe]

Dh and i do go away for weekends sometimes with our sibs, and dh has been away to spend time with his parents a few times, because ds2's autistic and doesn't do well with that stuff atm.

But he'll often take the other two dcs, or one of them, with him, and it's a weekend, not taking time away from our family holiday time.

Could you suggest something like that, maybe at some time in the future when your baby's bigger, and that suits you?

[DeepGoat]

do let us know how you get on, good luck with the fruit loop mil

[FairLadyRantALot]

gosh, YANBU at all...and yes, your dh needs to tell his mum that a holiday wihtout you is a no-no....tbh, your MIL seems to be a bit nuts to even think that that is acceptable....your dh's priorities have to be with his family, he is a grown-up with a family not a 5 year old boy.

[blinks]

you are being far too restrained dol1y- there's a difference between being understanding and mellow and being a DOORMAT.

time for little baby DH to grow the fuck up.

[HSMM]

My DH likes to go away with his best friend for a few days each year, so I go away with my Mum and sister for a long weekend every so often. DD gets 1:1 time with each of us. We have been doing this fpr years. We wouldn't do it if we couldn't afford to get away as a family as well though.

[FairLadyRantALot]

HSMM sounds like a good arrangement, but it is obviously one by choice, rather than one excluding the other...which is kinda what OP's MIL is doing...

[TeaOneSugar]

I've just waved my DH off for his annual week's fishing holiday with his friend.

He's been going since before DD was born and I have no problem being left alone with her for the week, we certainly don't want to go fishing.

If he was going away with mil, fil and the bil's I would find it very strange - in fact he wouldn't want to go I'm sure.

[ssd]

YANBU

[bigchris]

how did the chat with your dh go?

[Haribosmummy]

I think there is a huge difference between taking separate holidays now and again and what is being suggested by the OP...

My DH often has lads nights outs / weekends and holidays. I have NO PROBLEM with that.

But, being actively excluded by your MIL.............. that's something completely different!!!

[Haribosmummy]

Sorry, meant to add that I think MUTT was right on the money with her earlier point... this actually has nothing to do with holidays - joint or alone - this has to do with respect. End of.

[nessus]

I don't mean to be rude OP but you are mildly deluded if you actually believe that there is nothing malicious about this. Like DUH! You are blatantly being excluded.

What, does your MIL suspect your DC of being illegitimate or something, hence treating you like a scab

Your DH needs to fix up also and find some back-bone because this is unacceptable.

[piscesmoon]

I normally stick up for MIL who seem to get a raw deal, but in this case she can't expect 'quality time' with her DSs when they are adult and have their own family and limited time and resources. Unfortunately it is up to DH and he should have looked surprised and told her that it wasn't possible from the very start. It would have been very easy at that stage-unfortunately he has made it much more difficult.

[Jux]

It would be easy for her to get extra tickets etc for you...

[SkaterGrrrrl]

YANBU

• wot they all said /<br />
  Can we get an update from the OP please?
  
  Dolly I hope it works out, please let me know I am all agog!

[GetOrfMoiLand]

Lol at ProvincialLady's comment: "I would kick my husband from here to the luxury hotel of his choice if he suggested going away on this holiday"

Very funny, and pretty much sums up the reaction on this thread.

OP - did you speak to your DP?

[screamingabdab]

I'm all agog too (skatergrll, great phrase, I am going to start peppering my conversations with agogs)

[flipflopper]

Just seen this - hope she comes back on to tell us how she got on