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AIBU?

to think it strange that MIL is booking a family hols for her, DIL, DH and his brother and to not invite me and DD?

136 replies

dol1y · 12/06/2009 11:56

We get on pretty well and I don't think its a malicious attempt to exclude us it just seems a bit strange. It also means DH will have to use annual leave and I will be on my own with 5mo DD for the time they are away. DH will be expected to pay his share for the accommodation etc at a hotel - we are struggling to get a week away in Wales in a caravan over the summer! I don't think its malicious but it does seem a bit thoughtless. So... AIBU??

OP posts:

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Haribosmummy · 12/06/2009 16:25

Good point, mutt....

nowwearefour · 12/06/2009 16:27

why would you care so much about not rocking the family boat when it means you get time away from the family being together? you need to unite as a fmaily unit with MIL coming on board with that if she would like to. you really do owe it to your dd.

ruddynorah · 12/06/2009 16:31

it's to give him a sense of perspective mutt, to see how ridiculous an idea it is.

Mutt · 12/06/2009 16:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyOfWaffle · 12/06/2009 16:34

WTF? Your DH isn't seriously going, or thinking of going, is he? The fact the other DIL is going is awful. Ooooh I'd be raging mad if it was my MIL.

Mutt · 12/06/2009 16:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mutt · 12/06/2009 16:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hulababy · 12/06/2009 16:40

TBH I would be more cross with DH (if he is agreeing to go) than MIL in this situation. If DH can't see why it is not on I'd be furious. Standup to them and put ypur foot down - make it a non issue because it isn't going to happen!

LadyOfWaffle · 12/06/2009 16:40

Oh, Father in law... that's not so much rude now as abit bonkers. Seriously, time to cut the apron strings love! ROFL @ the buckets and spades comment!

Hulababy · 12/06/2009 16:44

TBH I would be more cross with DH (if he is agreeing to go) than MIL in this situation. If DH can't see why it is not on I'd be furious. Standup to them and put ypur foot down - make it a non issue because it isn't going to happen!

LadyOfWaffle · 12/06/2009 16:44

Oh, Father in law... that's not so much rude now as abit bonkers. Seriously, time to cut the apron strings love! ROFL @ the buckets and spades comment!

scaryteacher · 12/06/2009 18:24

If my dh did this I'd be kicking his backside from here to Timbuktu. Just say NO. My mil can be hard work, but she would never suggest this.

I think you have to have a long hard think about what you want. I don't know how long you've been married, but do you really want you mil calling the shots in your marriage and running your life for the next however many years? At some point you are going to have draw a line and make a stand and it might as well be now. What will you do when she starts criticizing how you parent dd, and undermining you there? The woman is a control freak; she needs to be stopped in her tracks; do it now.

I wish I'd dealt with mine earlier....it took a long time for me to even dare to utter an opposite opinion. I do it frequently now from the other side of the English Channel!

cocolepew · 12/06/2009 18:41

My MIL would love to be able to do this.

She tried a lot of crap on when I was first married (14 years ago) but DH always stood up to her, in her mind she was 'The Queen bee' and continually pushed the boundaries. I no longer speak to her and it's bliss

Put your foot down and tell your DH to grow a backbone.

piscesmoon · 12/06/2009 19:18

I think that it is all down to DH, he should have refused in the first place! He needs to tell her that he has reconsidered and withdraw-I would make sure that he knows it isn't on.

zeke · 12/06/2009 19:32

I agree - outrageous! OMG! What on earth is she thinking? Sounds childish if she really thinks this is reasonable behaviour.

NeedaNewName · 12/06/2009 19:45

This has got to be a joke!!!!

Your DH isn't seriously considering going is he?

You both need to stand up to this woman. You all go or no one goes - end of.

Jux · 12/06/2009 19:47

If she had wanted some time alone with her brood she could have chosen anytime in the last 6 years, was it you said? rather than pick a time when you have a young baby, couldn't she?

This is her making her mark on you and your child. You count less, is what she is saying. You and dh need to say Wrong!

chipmonkey · 12/06/2009 20:10

OP, I would show your dh this thread too, just to show we all think HIBU!

screamingabdab · 12/06/2009 20:15

chipmonkey maybe not.... we have been a bit honest about his mum

Flibbertyjibbet · 12/06/2009 20:18

Its an insult to you, an insult to your baby and an insult to your marriage.

Dh doesn't have to say that he doesn't want to leave you at home etc, he just needs to tell her thanks for the idea etc but he just wants to spend his holidays with his lovely wife and child.

You aren't trying desperately to keep the peace, you are letting her walk all over you.

I tried the doormat approach after years of hostility, it just made her lose any respect for me on top of all the dislike. So now I keep my distance but am firm but fair and we get on a lot better.

LovelyTinOfSpam · 12/06/2009 20:18

Pffff.

That is what I would say if DH came home and told me this. Pfffffff.

In no sane world would any normal person even contemplate this.

2rebecca · 12/06/2009 20:18

I wouldn't be annoyed with her, I'd be annoyed with my husband for choosing to spend his annual leave in this way. Over the summer I'm going with the kids to visit my dad, but that's different because husband could come if he wished, but he's got less holiday entitlement than me and is saving some of it for when his daughter stays with us later in the summer. I would never go away and not invite him or the kids and wouldn't expect him to do the same.
He's not a little boy any more. Choosing to spend a week with mummy and sibs rather than wife and children sounds very regressive. Him paying to spend holidays in this way makes it sound like he doesn't want to be married, rather than pleasing mum on a special birthday or something. His sibs may be single but he's supposed to be an adult with his own family.

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2rebecca · 12/06/2009 20:25

Actually I maybe would go away for the weekend with a friend/ group of friends, but not with my dad and siblings with none of us taking spouses and children for a whole week. It's rude and divisive of her to do this. Does she want to alienate you and never see her grandchildren?
Actually if FIL is going it's unfair to blame her. Both your husband's parents are treating him like an unmarried little boy.

LovelyTinOfSpam · 12/06/2009 20:34

Let us know how you get on with DH

He really needs to just tell her no.

screamingabdab · 12/06/2009 20:40

2rebecca Very good point about the FIL

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