to think it strange that MIL is booking a family hols for her, DIL, DH and his brother and to not invite me and DD?

[dol1y]

We get on pretty well and I don't think its a malicious attempt to exclude us it just seems a bit strange. It also means DH will have to use annual leave and I will be on my own with 5mo DD for the time they are away. DH will be expected to pay his share for the accommodation etc at a hotel - we are struggling to get a week away in Wales in a caravan over the summer! I don't think its malicious but it does seem a bit thoughtless. So... AIBU??

[slushy06]

YANBU why should they go on a lovely holiday and exclude you. Even worse as dh has to use your money to pay meaning you probably wont be able to afford a holiday at all. Ask dh how he would feel if you went on holiday at the same time with your mum and your dd. I think MIL is pushing you as most people would say something about this so I think she is testing her boundary's.

[mistlethrush]

No, not on. You're your own family unit now - suggest a compromise whereby you all go just for the weekend.

If you're struggling to pay for a week in a caravan in the UK he shouldn't be spending a week in a hotel on holiday.

[screamingabdab]

Agree with everyone else. Credit for you for trying to understand where MIL is coming from, but she is being very thoughtless.

And I don't get why your DH would agree to this.

TBH, given how I was when my DS1 was 5 months old, I'd be hopping mad at the idea of DH going away without us for a week.

[screamingabdab]

@ marmaduke

[Pinkjenny]

Absolutely not. I wouldn't be as resolute as to say dh wouldn't go anywhere without us (he plans to go to the World Cup next year), but I wouldn't be happy with this at all.

[wannaBe]

should 'dil' actually have been 'fil'?

If your dh goes on this holiday then i would be seriously questioning his priorities wrt you and your dd.

[vacaloca]

I really would be furious about this and DH wouldn't even consider it. When MIL wants some quality time with DH, she takes him out for lunch.

I know you don't want to create a fuss now that you feel you're in a good place with MIL, but tbh, I don't think that's a good place to be. It's very disrespectful of you. And your DH really is being a coward.

[Stigaloid]

YANBU - i would not allow my DH to go frankly. Why should he give up his annual leave to not spend it with his wife and dd? If it was for a long weekend, fine, but for a week? Uh-uh no way.

My DH has been having lots of boys nights out lately and is away this weekend on a work function. I have since got his credit card, booked DS and I into a luxury family hotel for the weekend and will be putting room, spa and restaurant on DH's card.

I suggest you do the same and enjoy some pampering and free child care

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

I think it's totally bizarre, especially if it's going to compromise whether you are able to go on holiday as a family.

I think you aren't in a good place with your MIL at all, I think she walks all over you all which isn't healthy in the slightest. She has got you right where she wants you, doing exactly as she tells you!!

I would be bloody furious with DH if it even looked like he might go along with such a mad scheme. He should be telling her thanks but no thanks, I spend my holiday time with my wife and child.

[dol1y]

I feel a bit more justified in perhaps putting my foot down. I don't want to put DH in a position where she falls out with us though. There must be a diplomatic way through! I agree that she might be trying to push the boundaries and i guess it concerns me that if i meekly accept, where wil it end? I'll probably never understand her but just trying hard to keep things nice.

[JenniPenni]

This is rubbish. I would be mortified were my MIL to do this to me. How insulting for you and your child. Sorry, not on. Plus there goes your and DH's holiday together this year.

[Trikken]

I would be V annoyed myself. I too would be insulted and hurt by Mil's actions.

[dol1y]

Just reread this and I sound like a doormat don't I?? I'm really not in every other aspect of my life I just find MIL a bit scary tbh.

[slushy06]

Stand up now she is technically trying to make your dh choose between spending his free time with her or you imo. The longer you leave this go on the harder it will be for you to tell her no.

[slyandgobbo]

She is insane. If you let this go, many more thinsg of this type will happen. What is your DH going to do, sit on the beach with a bucket and spade whilst MIL buys him icecreams?

[floaty]

I have never heard of such a thing,how weird this is not normal and you MIL has no right to feel in the least but offended if you dh doesn't go .I would never "allow " or "not allow" my dh to do anything ,he makes his own decisions but I cannot imagine him ever wanting to do such a thing.I think you need to sit down and have a serious heat to heat with dh ,it is not for you to speak to /mil it is for him,what does your fil think of this

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

Honestly? Yes you do come across as a bit of a doormat. But don't worry, it's salvageable

Speak to DH, and make it clear to him that you aren't happy. He needs to be the one to be a man and stand up to his mother.
I would be concerned that if you let this one go, then MIL will view it as some kind of green light that you won't fight her and she will continue to be rude and disrespectful.

[floaty]

Sorry heart to heart!

[vacaloca]

slyandgobbo at that mental picture.

[Himbo]

How odd. I think my both my dh and fil would have something to say if my mil did this.

Its my pil 50th Golden Wedding do next year and fil has said he is inviting my parents, my parents and pil hardly know each other but my fil says "it's doing the right thing by your family".

[Haribosmummy]

You are NOT being unreasonable.

You and her grandaughter are now part of her family.

her original family unit no longer exists.

it's even worse that your DH is expected (or expects) to pick up his tab to appease his mother.

Not good at anytime - but when you have a 5MO... NO NO NO NO and NO!!

[screamingabdab]

Agree with Mutt and Alibaba* Your DH needs to be the one to tell MIL, but before he does this he needs to really understand why this is so unreasonable, so he can withstand any insinuation that MIL may try to make, that it is YOU telling him what to do.

Frankly, you are courteous enough to try and understand MILs needs, but she is not showing any fellow - feeling towards you as the mother of HER new granddaughter. The more I think about it, the more outrageous it is.

I hope to be the MIL to my son's partners one day, and I hope I can be a bit less mad than your MIL sounds