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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to say no to my friends request for help ?

88 replies

hambo · 11/06/2009 13:44

Hello - first time to AIBU....(very long)

My friend is pregnant and is intending on using cotton nappies.

She decided to make her own cotton wipes. I never made my own wipes as I could not be bothered .

I have a 2 year old and a 4 month old. She phoned me and asked me if she could use my mums sewing machine at my house. (she has her own house)

This involves me getting children into car;driving to mums; getting them out of car at mums; going into attic with 2 year old wanting to help; finding machine; probably feeding smallest baby; getting everyone and everything into my car; driving home; getting everyone and everything out of the car; clearing my table as I have a tiny house and machine would have to sit on my kitchen table; having friend doing the sewing while I fend off 2 year old while feeing baby; tidying up machine when finished and doing it all again........

I said no, but I think she was shocked that I said no and now there is a distinct coldness to her last email she sent.

I said no cos if I have any time, I dont want to spend it as above, but frankly at the moment I really literally dont have any time. Also, I never made my own wipes as I could not bear the hassle, so why would I want to be involved in making someone elses?

I know this sounds so trite, but I am quite upset about it (probably hormones) but I think she thinks I am wrong to say no - what do you lot think?

OP posts:

claraquack · 11/06/2009 13:47

No you are not being unreasonable but she is, from what you describe. You have enough on your hands. Does she have any dc yet? She has no idea how time-consuming they are, especially when you have two.

Have you explained why you won't do it?

If I were you I would literally ignore her. I'm sure she'll find another way to make her wipes if she is so desperate to do so.

saadia · 11/06/2009 13:47

YANBU, but maybe suggest she drives over to your mum's to pick it up herself if she can. That is if your mum is happy with this.

themoon · 11/06/2009 13:50

Buy her a boots voucher and tell her to go buy some wipes.

YANBU

blowninonabreeze · 11/06/2009 13:51

Could you maybe suggest that she comes over one evening once your Dcs are in bed?

Have a bottle of wine or 2 and chat whilst SHE makes the wipes?

blowninonabreeze · 11/06/2009 13:51

I'm not saying that you've been unreasonable BTW just trying to think of an alternative

Original poster

hambo · 11/06/2009 13:52

Phew - so pleased you said that - what a silly thing but I think we may really fall out about it! I am usually the person who 'makes up' if you know what I mean.

Claraquack - I have decided to ignore her. She has not had her baby yet and I am secretly hoping it will not sleep for ages and get her tired out so she understands!

I did say I would be happy to ask mum to lend her the machine, which I thought was ok of me.

I did try to explain but she said ' It would only take an afternoon'. I said, 'i dont have an afternoon', (actually verging on hysterics in my head as I would love an afternoon to do what I want!)

Thanks for your replies

OP posts:

sweetnitanitro · 11/06/2009 13:52

No I don't think YABU, but like saadia suggested maybe you could put her in direct contact with your mum and explain that with 2 young children you just don't have the time?

blowninonabreeze · 11/06/2009 13:53

Ha Ha Ha at it'll only take an afternoon!

Highlander · 11/06/2009 13:53

YANBU, but the compromise would have been to give her your mum's number and leave her to sort it out for herself.

That stage (2 year old and baby)is really hard, I sympathise.

Original poster

hambo · 11/06/2009 13:54

Blowninon abreeze - unfortuanately my youngest is still up until 9.30pm.....
aaaargh

OP posts:

abraid · 11/06/2009 13:55

Sometimes you just have to say no to people. I had to do this to a friend last week: she wanted me to do some emailing for her while she was travelling and I was trying to help my son revise for his exams and prepare for a big family party.

People just forget what it's like.

Stigaloid · 11/06/2009 13:56

YANBU - if she wants to do it so badly she should get her own machine. You offered your mothers and that should be enough. She will learn soon enough. I still get annoyed with friends who say they will come round to see DS at 2pm and then don't rock up until 5:30pm because they 'got caught up'. But then i remember they don't have DC's and don't realise that to a child timing is everything. They soon learn when they have babies that they need to feed, sleep, eat at certain times and hanging about for hours for people just isn't feasible.

Hope your LO settles soon and you get some rest. Can DH take them for an afternoon so you can just nap?

Uriel · 11/06/2009 13:57

Why don't you suggest she buys her own sewing machine so she can make all her baby's clothes, too?

Comewhinewithme · 11/06/2009 13:58

YANBU I have a 6 dc including a 3 year old and a 13 day old and am hiding from friends who want me to go to babygroup and their houses and call for me to do the school run .

FFS I am still getting the hang of bf and trying to get my head round things .

People just don't understand or forget who totally knackering and time consuming things can be in the first few months of having a new baby .

Ignore her she will soon realise what a loon she is been.

junglist1 · 11/06/2009 13:58

I would've lied and said I couldn't find it. Sly, but simple.

cornflakegirl · 11/06/2009 13:59

YANBU

But why does she need a sewing machine to make washable wipes? I bought mine from the Nappy Lady, and they were just cut up bits of thin terry towelling - no hems or anything. They were fine.

Original poster

hambo · 11/06/2009 14:01

Oh you have all been so nice I have a teary eye! and you have made me feel I did the right thing - phew..

Uriel - that is so funny, as I think she has got that image in her head, making bread, picking flowers in the subshine with a cooing baby, hanging out nappies, making its clothes....

I bet she manages it too....

OP posts:

pigsinmud · 11/06/2009 14:03

Well I don't exactly think you're being unreasonable, but you've made it sound very complicated. I'd have said she can borrow the machine and have it at her house and collected it the next time I saw my mum.

It sounds like you've made a mountain out of a molehill.

I don't have much time for the I couldn't be bothered attitude - cotton wipes much better for a baby.

TheCrackFox · 11/06/2009 14:04

"......, as I think she has got that image in her head, making bread, picking flowers in the subshine with a cooing baby, hanging out nappies, making its clothes...."

I think we were probably all a bit guilty of that. The reality soon dawns.

it is good you said no, a couple of months down the line she will understand.

Original poster

hambo · 11/06/2009 14:05

schilke - i bought my cotton wipes is what i meant......

OP posts:

Stigaloid · 11/06/2009 14:05

"that is so funny, as I think she has got that image in her head, making bread, picking flowers in the subshine with a cooing baby, hanging out nappies, making its clothes...."

My friend's NCT group was of this ilk. They decided to go 'pick your own' strawberries with 4 month old babies! Crazy!

pigsinmud · 11/06/2009 14:05

Oh ok - sorry hambo!!

Original poster

hambo · 11/06/2009 14:05

ie could not be bothered making them.....

OP posts:

Gorionine · 11/06/2009 14:06

Could she borrow ypur mum's sewing machine and do it in her own house?

Gorionine · 11/06/2009 14:07

X posted with schilke!

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