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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to say no to my friends request for help ?

88 replies

hambo · 11/06/2009 13:44

Hello - first time to AIBU....(very long)

My friend is pregnant and is intending on using cotton nappies.

She decided to make her own cotton wipes. I never made my own wipes as I could not be bothered .

I have a 2 year old and a 4 month old. She phoned me and asked me if she could use my mums sewing machine at my house. (she has her own house)

This involves me getting children into car;driving to mums; getting them out of car at mums; going into attic with 2 year old wanting to help; finding machine; probably feeding smallest baby; getting everyone and everything into my car; driving home; getting everyone and everything out of the car; clearing my table as I have a tiny house and machine would have to sit on my kitchen table; having friend doing the sewing while I fend off 2 year old while feeing baby; tidying up machine when finished and doing it all again........

I said no, but I think she was shocked that I said no and now there is a distinct coldness to her last email she sent.

I said no cos if I have any time, I dont want to spend it as above, but frankly at the moment I really literally dont have any time. Also, I never made my own wipes as I could not bear the hassle, so why would I want to be involved in making someone elses?

I know this sounds so trite, but I am quite upset about it (probably hormones) but I think she thinks I am wrong to say no - what do you lot think?

OP posts:

skidoodle · 11/06/2009 14:10

maybe you should be friends with this woman schilke since you apparently think it's up to you to decide what is too much trouble for other people

As for cotton wipes being "much better for a baby"? MUCH better? really? How much better exactly? Can you show us some peer-reviewed studies to back this pretty bold claim up? I'm sure you wouldn't dare claim that you "couldn't be bothered".

Curiousmama · 11/06/2009 14:12

sorry did you say if she has any dcs yet? YANBU well done you, it's good to be assertive sometimes.

claraquack · 11/06/2009 14:14

Skidoodle - was trying to compose something along those lines but couldn't think of a polite enough way of doing it!

I must stop reading MN when it starts to try and make me feel guilty about something so trivial as what wipes I use!!! I have enough guilt laid on me for letting the dc's watch tv/eat unsuitable snacks/use disposable nappies etc....

Hambo - your friend sounds like a stupid hippy, reality will soon hit once the baby is here. And if not with Number One it certainly will if she has any more children!!!

Original poster

hambo · 11/06/2009 14:15

Hi curious - no dc's as yet, expecting her first.

The thing is I feel awful about it even though I know I needed to say no.

I do like this girl and respect her in many ways and am not sure what to do next.

OP posts:

skidoodle · 11/06/2009 14:16

claraquack good thing I was here to not worry about being polite enough

Fimbo · 11/06/2009 14:17

Tell her to keep and eye out on Lidl they sometimes sell sewing machines quite cheaply, especially as she is going to need a lot of cotton wipes over the years!

Stigaloid · 11/06/2009 14:17

Hambo - forgive yourself and move on - seriously tru and get some time to yourself - even if it is just an hour or so with DH taking the kids. You need to work on your self confidence. Just carry on as normal. You can say no to friends. it is allowed.

Original poster

hambo · 11/06/2009 14:18

Let's not get into a wipes debate! Solidarity! It's hard enough as claraquack says.

OP posts:

Original poster

hambo · 11/06/2009 14:19

Sigaloid - you are right, it is an eye opener for me actually. (re self confidence or lack thereof)

OP posts:

FabulousBakerGirl · 11/06/2009 14:20

John Lewis sell sewing machines, as do Argos and they are not too expensive.

skidoodle · 11/06/2009 14:20

hambo own your decision and stop feeling bad about it. You don't have the time to do what she wants. You said so (I assume) politely but firmly.

There is nothing else to be done.

If she strops about it she is being a spoilt, unreasonable child and the only way to deal with it is to ignore ner until she grows up.

Not having any children is no excuse for being such a dick. Have these people never met any children? How could any sentient being not know that people with small children are busy?

claraquack · 11/06/2009 14:20

Apologies Hambo, didn't want to be rude about her if you do like/respect her. I feel particularly incensed on your behalf because dd1 was two when dd2 was born so I know exactly what it is like. I STILL crave some time to myself and would not appreciate using up my time running around so that someone could make their own wipes when there are perfectly good ones available in the shops....

barnsleybelle · 11/06/2009 14:22

hambo... I wouldn't ignore her. How close are you?
YANBU however, what seem like simple tasks to people with no children are an half a day challenge with 2 little ones.
I would ring her, and suggest she comes and minds the children and you will be happy to drive to your mums and get it for her. Think of it, car to yourself, cuppa with ya mum, leisurely drive back with some music on...
That would be my plan.

Baisey · 11/06/2009 14:22

Surely all she needs to do is cut up some old towels and hey presto, she got some wipes... or was she planning on monogramming them?

louii · 11/06/2009 14:22

But why would she have to do it at your house in the first place, how odd, like you want to sit watching her make cotton wipes FGS.

TBCoalman · 11/06/2009 14:22

No, I don't think you were BU. It would be a hassle and you can't be bothered. Fair enough, I would have said no too.

However, I don't think it was unreasonable of her to ask. She had a good idea she was excited about and wanted to involve you, because she thought you wouldn't mind.

Just carry on as normal next time you see her.

Original poster

hambo · 11/06/2009 14:23

Yes, thanks guys, I should just get over quite a tiny thing and move on! Thanks for helping me out - really appreciate your responses...I am not alone

Just off to change a little smelly boy and not telling you what type of wipes I will be using!!!

OP posts:

MrsBonJovi · 11/06/2009 14:23

OP...you sound exhausted. How about you suggest she has the children at your house whilst you get the machine....via a coffee shop and with a good book to read!!! Favour for a favour!

Tell her the logistics of what hassle it will be and say at the moment everything is just triple hard work when you are sleep deprived.

All credit to her for wanting to use reusables. Did you say you use reusables? If so You are probably a good example to her and should be proud she wants to follow in your footsteps!

fuzzywuzzy · 11/06/2009 14:24

Tell her to buy a yard of fleece and cut it up, no need to sew reusable wipes!

Original poster

hambo · 11/06/2009 14:24

heh heh at
baisley [GRIN]

OP posts:

DeepGoat · 11/06/2009 14:28

yanbu - your friend is a loon for wanting to sew some wipes. ask her if she is such a loose end would she like to come round and practise the cooing baby scenario with your children while you collapse in a darkened room.

take care.

barnsleybelle · 11/06/2009 14:29

In fact, as well as minding your children while you get the sewing machine, which she actually should have offered to do imo, tell her she can happily sit in your house stitching away while you go out for a few lagers with dh. That way, everyone's happy.

Original poster

hambo · 11/06/2009 14:29

I am pretty tired mrsbonjovi - to the point of getting a lump in my throat when you post such nice replies like yourself - I think it is because my 2 year old has moved into a bed and is potty training too, so is being a bit more disturbing at night time.

Did not mean this to be about that though!
I know I will get through it - I thinkI just wished she was a bit more thoughtful regarding me.

Sorry strting to moan!!

OP posts:

Walkingwiththighosaurs · 11/06/2009 14:30

Sorry I think I'm missing the point here.

Why the bloody hell would anyone want to make your own wipes!

Original poster

hambo · 11/06/2009 14:31

Wish Id thought of that Barnsley belle! drat!!

OP posts:

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