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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to sack a godmother?

93 replies

Vizzle · 29/05/2009 15:22

So, I have a small baby and had asked a family friend to be godmother.

But I just witnessed her being so horrible to my mum and read an even more horrible email she sent her. They've now fallen out. My mum's lovely, by the way.

Do I:

a) do nothing and see what happens

b) email her and tell her I've changed my mind

c) email her and tell her I've changed my mins because she's a foul-mouthed monster, and tell her she's been replaced by a gay man, who'll now be fairy godmother?

What's the etiquette?

OP posts:
bigchris · 29/05/2009 15:23

A)

pingping · 29/05/2009 15:23

Well what was the arguement about?

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 29/05/2009 15:24

IIRC, the purpose of godparents is to make sure the child grows up appreciating God, going to church etc. If she does not fullfil this roll then have a re-think. What is it you are looking for in a godparent?

belgo · 29/05/2009 15:25

I wouldn't have someone who is horrible to my mother as godparent to my child.

Original poster
Vizzle · 29/05/2009 15:26

Well, I'm not religious, so it was to help her make her mind up in that area and also give a different perspective and be another strong female role model for her.

OP posts:
FiveGoMadInDorset · 29/05/2009 15:27

C

RumourOfAHurricane · 29/05/2009 15:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Geocentric · 29/05/2009 15:28

LOve C... but B. Should be obvious to her what the reason is.

LovelyTinOfSpam · 29/05/2009 15:28

If she's not a very nice person then probably not a great choice. Is it a serious thing/do they fall out a lot?

Your mum won't appreciate her being up at the front doing all teh stuff if they've fallen out.

In this day and age I'm not sure what godparents are for except presents anyway. I always thought that your godparents looked after you if your parents died, that's what I was told, but I was roundly laughed at for repeating it some years ago.... (My bloody parents feeding me info 200 years out of date as usual).

bigchris · 29/05/2009 15:29

I think you missed out the spiritual guidance bit

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 29/05/2009 15:29

She's hardly a good role model if she's a bitch to your mum! I'd email and say no thanks (c) sounds good to me or go through with it but keep your distance in the future. I prefer C.

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 29/05/2009 15:30

Sounds like a 'godmonster' rather then a 'godmother'

RumourOfAHurricane · 29/05/2009 15:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

bigchris · 29/05/2009 15:31

what is a godparent for

  1. presents...... not in my book
  1. to look after godchild if parents die..... not always
  1. spiritual guidance........ well this is what they should be for but loads of people don't seem to get christened for religious reasons anymore
LovelyTinOfSpam · 29/05/2009 15:33

Maybe OPs DH is religious shiney? If my DH said it was important to him I'd probably go along with it through gritted teeth...

bigchris I have never spotted a godparent doing any guidance except for guiding themselves to the bar afterwards

C sounds good if you have someone in the wings as a replacement then go with it, keep your mum happy.

Biscuits4Cheese · 29/05/2009 15:33

If you have irrevocably changed your opinion about her then it has to be B or C. Only you can decide which.
Btw, can the gay friend not just be godfather? I'm assuming he hasn't traded in his gender and could be considered no less a man for his sexuality?

LovelyTinOfSpam · 29/05/2009 15:36

Oh sorry bigchris x-posted it's obviously important to you and I was beign all flippant.

When I was laughed at for the whole looking after if parents died thing I asked what do they do then and was told theoretically spiritual guidance but in practice presents.

If the family is religious (which my friends are) they get plenty of spiritual guidance at home and church anyway, seems ample to me. It is a struggle these days to find proper baptised & practicing people to act as godparents though which can be a problem.

RumourOfAHurricane · 29/05/2009 15:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LovelyTinOfSpam · 29/05/2009 15:37
Original poster
Vizzle · 29/05/2009 15:40

Oh no, we're not religious at all. But I really wanted to give my dd the option to be if she wanted. So that's why I chose someone who could guide her.

I wasn't planning on a christening until she's old enough to make up my mind.

Oh, and we already have a godfather and I don't have anyone else in mind as godmother, so that's why the 'fairy' bit came in. Of course my mate is all man!

OP posts:
Flower3545 · 29/05/2009 15:40

What does your mum think?, would she be upset if you went ahead with this godparent?

I don't think I would want her if she had been horrible to my mum BTW

LovelyTinOfSpam · 29/05/2009 15:42

Poo.

Vizzle I think you can have two male godparents if you want...

What if you get your DD christened though, and then later her choice is to be a Buddhist, Jew or Athiest though?

bigchris · 29/05/2009 15:42

vizzle- I'm even more confused
you are not even planning on a christening and you've already asked someone to be godmother?!

bigchris · 29/05/2009 15:44

'I wasn't planning on a christening until she's old enough to make up my mind.'

so there might not even be a christening?!!
hse'll be old enough to choose her own godparents in that case if she does decide to get christened
it sounds like you're all worked up about something that might not even happen!!

LovelyTinOfSpam · 29/05/2009 15:45

I am confused too bigchris

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