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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at this new term of 'full time mum'

688 replies

blondie80 · 26/05/2009 12:26

i know i'm not being unreasonable.

a woman on that lottery 1-100 show on sat night referred to herself as a 'full time mum'

i take it she meant sahm instead.

i have no bones with anyone's choice as to what the do, sahm of wohm.

but... i was so annoyed i felt she was referring to wohm as - part timers??

does she forget that we do the same stuff as well as a full week at work!!

i was with my mother when we watched the show, and she has 4 dc who have left home, and says she is still a full time mum regardless.

ok rant over.

OP posts:
barnsleybelle · 27/05/2009 15:24

Blondie.... i'm not sure why you posted on am i being unreasonable if you did not want to cause a debate.

I certainly did not mean to offend, just debate.

As for time... my eldest is out playing with his friends and the others tucked up asleep.

smallegg · 27/05/2009 15:37

uhoh

uh oh ots FTM on babyexpert too.

and the here

basically in SAHM is often used in cyber world.

but either working mum or full time mum is used in real life.

in fact ive never ever heard anyone call themseleves a work out of the home mother in rl.
have you?

Original poster
blondie80 · 27/05/2009 15:40

i have referred many times to knowing that there are different opinions out there (in previous posts). i have said a few times that this is my opinion and how i feel. i am not forcing anyone to agree with me.

although since this thread began i am starting to see how sahm are desperate for some sort of 'title' to what they do.

do you think that anyone perceives a full time mum differently to a sahm or a 'off work while the kids are young' mum?

full time mum is not a better term in the slightest.

OP posts:
IamNOTspartacus · 27/05/2009 15:43

As I said right at the beginning, I work. So my POV has never come from the stance of being a SAHM. However, this is just ridiculous.
I cannot be bothered to keep going over semantics and hair splitting between the apparently acceptable Mum at home f/t and the apparently distasteful f/t mum.

This has FA to do with the phrase and everything to do with guilt and the need for reasurance on both sides. We only need to justify our choices to ourselves, our partners and our kids.

Oh and FWIW, the old chestnut of kids doing well with wonderful working role models is just as tenuous as the my kids will do so much better because they have Mummy all to themselves.

IamNOTspartacus · 27/05/2009 15:49

But Blondie, maybe some SAHMs are desperate for that recognision in the same way that many WOTH mums are desperate to know/feel that they are not doing the wrong thing by going out to work.

Be honest now! Many, many WOTH mums would love it if a report came out tomorrow stating that children of mums who work do better in life. Many SAHMs would love one stating the opposite.

Me,I've done both and felt happy with both. I don't see one as a better choice than the other just a different choice for a different time in my life.

IamNOTspartacus · 27/05/2009 15:51

Oh and nobody has said it's a better term. Just easier and more widely used and understood. That really is all.

thedolly · 27/05/2009 15:53

A FTM who has set aside her FT career to SAHFT with her DC may perceive herself differently to a SAHM or a 'off work while the kids are young'M in answer to your question blondie80

RustyBear · 27/05/2009 15:57

cthea - you said "I just can't imagine situations where all you answer is "FTM" "

Well, actually, one of them would be on a TV show such as the one that inspired(?) this thread, where all the host is looking for is an instant label.

And if everyone adopted violethill's suggested alternatives of "full-time mum" or "full-time mum in paid employment", then the woman on the lottery show would still have said "full-time mum". And if we are all full-time mums simply by virtue of having had a child, whether we work outside the home or not, she would have been correct....

Oh, and blondie - you may not be 'upset' by how the woman referred to herself, but your thread title has been proclaiming you 'annoyed' by it for the last 630 odd posts, and there was no mention in your OP that you found it funny.

And, as a card carrying pedant, why am I suddenly starting all my sentences with 'And'?

Original poster
blondie80 · 27/05/2009 15:58

spartacus,

obviously i have done both too because i did not give birth on my tea break then go back to my desk.

you're missing the point, it's not about who's children are getting a better up bringing, it was simply about the fact that i feel all mums are mums full time, you don't stop when you go to work for 8 hours a day.

i think it is sahm own perception that others think they don't work. i certainly know that a sahm works and works hard at the same time.

throughout this thread there have been some ridiculous comments made by sahm, as you have read. esp the one about wohm get 'holidays off work'.

OP posts:
Original poster
blondie80 · 27/05/2009 16:03

rusty, you're just someone else, who is having their 2p's worth that obviously haven't read all posts.

OP posts:
thedolly · 27/05/2009 16:05

Not desperate for any recognition MRC it just makes sense to use the term or at least it did until all the WOHMs said it was like saying that they were PTMs.

IamNOTspartacus · 27/05/2009 16:05

Yet you cannot concede that there has also been snide remarks about how children are confident and doing well because they have th role model of 'two professional parents'.
It's easy to see half the argument.

IamNOTspartacus · 27/05/2009 16:08

And yes I know it's not about whose children have a better upbringing. That's mostly my point. It's about a phrase that in your words annoyed you because you saw it as implying something and she (most likely)just thought it was clarrifying something.

Original poster
blondie80 · 27/05/2009 16:09

spartacus,

i have not (and would not) ever made these types of comments which you refer to.

perhaps that is how others feel.

(i personally feel that a child's confidence comes from the amount of love they are shown.) but this has nought to do with this thread.

OP posts:
IamNOTspartacus · 27/05/2009 16:12

Oh and re your tea break comment. Being on Mat leave is not the same as being a SAHM. When I was on Mat leave with my 1st (I went back at the end) I always referred to myself as a teacher. Never a SAHM. When after my 2nd I didn't go back, I'd call myself a f/t mum.
Taking mat leave does not really mean you've been a SAHM as that implies an active carrer shift.

IamNOTspartacus · 27/05/2009 16:14

No, I know it wasn't you. Maybe I should have put that in brackets as I am big on clarification.

RustyBear · 27/05/2009 16:18

Blondie I have read every single post - what do you think I've missed?

In your post of 15.19 you said

"i actually said it made me laugh and think 'who isn't a full time mum.'"

But actually you had not said that at any point previously, so perhaps you need to re-read your own posts....

And as for having my tuppence-worth - why shouldn't I?

I actually don't have anything better I have to do, I work at a school & it's half term, DH is at work, the fruit of my loins are both at university and (for once) my house is clean and tidy. I could be outside mowing the kittens, but it's raining.

So just at the moment I'm a Full Time Mumsnetter, and not feeling guilty about it at all......

lynehamrose · 27/05/2009 16:18

I wish we could all just agree that every mum is a full time mum because it's what you are, and you don't stop being it just because you're doing something else.

One thing which is really helpful to me is actually to have friends who are not doing the same as me, because i can see first hand that it's just different ways of doing things, not better or worse. I am a SAHM, and being perfectly honest, my reasons are not anything about thinking it is better, but because I was bored and in a rut with my job, and I was quite happy to have a break from it. also I am not the best organised person and was not sure how I would cope with it all. But my best mate works part time, we have daughters of similar age (12 months) and I can see that her dd being at nursery some of the time has made not the slightest difference. Both babies are reaching their milestones at similar times, they are both happy and contented children (well apart from the usual grizzles!). It's very helpful to me to see that, and has actually helped me plan a bit for my future. I intend to try to get my dd into the same nursery for a couple of sessions in the autumn, but I won't actually working, I'll use the time for jobs around the house (so does that make me a working mum? or part time mum? I think not!). And it's also spurred me on to think long term because my friend loves her work, and I can see now that I could in the future do something better than a job I didn't like particularly.

But this full time mummy label is plain daft, because whatever happens, I am always going to be a mum!

Morloth · 27/05/2009 16:19

You guys do know that while we are arguing about this, men are running the world?

IamNOTspartacus · 27/05/2009 16:24

Well it's been nice travelling in circles for a while but as it's half term and I am not doing my p/t working in paid employment thing this week, I really should put a washing on. Ta ra!

smallegg · 27/05/2009 16:28

good point morloth
i don't think they get worked up by the term FTM which is the most used description in RL.

sarah293 · 27/05/2009 16:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

RustyBear · 27/05/2009 16:39

OK, riven, who does he think is going to win the Champion's League, then?

sarah293 · 27/05/2009 16:41

This reply has been deleted

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fryalot · 27/05/2009 16:48

I think you're getting the term "full time" a bit mixed up actually.

we all know that this mum business is a full time job. But some people have a paid job that is supplementary to their full time mum job.

The term "full time mum" to me would mean that they spend all their time doing mum stuff - ie: washing, ironing, reading toddler books, changing nappies, clearing up puke, wiping dirty faces, hoovering etc. etc. etc. and this would differentiate them from someone who described themselves as (for eg) a teacher - who does all of the above and somehow manages to find enough time to go to work.

Describing yourself as a full time mum is not in any way implying that mothers who work only do the mum thing part-time.

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