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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at this new term of 'full time mum'

688 replies

blondie80 · 26/05/2009 12:26

i know i'm not being unreasonable.

a woman on that lottery 1-100 show on sat night referred to herself as a 'full time mum'

i take it she meant sahm instead.

i have no bones with anyone's choice as to what the do, sahm of wohm.

but... i was so annoyed i felt she was referring to wohm as - part timers??

does she forget that we do the same stuff as well as a full week at work!!

i was with my mother when we watched the show, and she has 4 dc who have left home, and says she is still a full time mum regardless.

ok rant over.

OP posts:
cthea · 27/05/2009 14:57

thedolly - no, I don't see anything wrong in saying "I look after my children full time'' If you'd quoted me in full you'd have also seen that saying "I'm a full time mum" either adds nothing because all mums are full-time or is meant to be a value judgement, which is what a big chunk of this thread was about. I don't look after my DCs all the time but I am their mother all the time.

FairLadyRantALot · 27/05/2009 14:57

argh, cthea...it was a working mum that mn'ed within her paid working time, that did this OP , blame her...., not the SAHM's

SingingBear · 27/05/2009 14:58

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SingingBear · 27/05/2009 14:59

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cthea · 27/05/2009 15:00

"When a FTM goes back to work she becomes a mum again, no need for the FT "

dolly, you make these rules up as you go along

jellybeans · 27/05/2009 15:00

'they never hear it in the workplace' I agree maybe this is true as I don't remember thinking about it then. But I still don't think I would mind the term if I was happy with working, as I was at the time. Working mum doesn't offend me or mean I don't do any 'work'. It's just a term.

happywomble · 27/05/2009 15:03

One could also take offence at those in paid work describing themselves as working mums. It implies mums not in paid work are not working. Obviously looking after children involves work so we could all call ourselves working mums whether we are paid or not!

FairLadyRantALot · 27/05/2009 15:04

oh, in the workplace, well, there won't be full time mums there, will there, because they are engaging in their career/paid job....so, that explains why you wouldn't hear it there...sorry, that just tickled me...

cthea · 27/05/2009 15:04

Good for you, jellybeans. You'll find that "working mum" as a term offends lots of people. Spend enough time on such pages and you'll start to see why as well. Same as FTM.

SingingBear - you're right, it's a phrase that people will understand. But so is "working mum" and you get that debated on here endlessly as well.

cthea · 27/05/2009 15:07

Yes, FairLady, in the workplace we don't tend to obsess over what other people call us. We talk of higher things. Obviously.

SingingBear · 27/05/2009 15:09

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thedolly · 27/05/2009 15:09

cthea - the problem with this thread is that a number of people feel that the term FTM makes WOHMs sound like PTMs, at least that's my understanding of it.

To say "I look after my children full time" would presumably make said individuals resent the implication that they look after their children on a part time basis.

I was trying to ascertain from violethill (one of said individuals ) as to which implication she preferred but she went off to untie her children from the bannisters.

barnsleybelle · 27/05/2009 15:10

cthea....But it's the op who actually does work who started the thread because she was upset by what a non working mum called herself!!!

I'm a sahm and i'm far too busy having fun with my children to care what anyone calls themselves or me.

If anyone asks me what i do i reply " i'm a full time mum". If that offends a working mum then i think it's more about their own guilt than anything else. Those working mums who are happy with their situ don't seem to care like me.

smallegg · 27/05/2009 15:11

FTM are called SAH FTM on netmums

survey results,
"Mothers do not, in general, make a choice about whether to go back to work or stay at home as a full time mum. Choice has been virtually eradicated."

so it must be offical

here

cthea · 27/05/2009 15:12

Ok, FTM is a quick answer. But anyone intersted enough to ask what you do would hang around for long enough to be told what you used to do as well. I just can't imagine situations where all you answer is "FTM". E.g. if you say you work as a teacher the next question will be what subject or whether primary or secondary or where etc. You don't just have conversations ending with "FTM".

FairLadyRantALot · 27/05/2009 15:14

thunk...I am sorry it had to be done....

anyways. I really should be doing the washing up the ironing, oh and the minor thing of my Uni work ( as you can see, I am using mn to procrastinate)

oh, shit, I forgot somehting...of course I am also kinda looking after my little darlings...hope it is o.k. that they watch teh grinch whilst I do the other things

lynehamrose · 27/05/2009 15:15

It seems to me that mums who aren't working are happy with the phrase 'full time mum'. It also seems that mums who work, are happy with 'full time mum who is also employed'.

In fact the only problem seems to be with SAHMS who selfishly want the 'full time' tag just for themselves, which is nonsense because if you're a mum, you're a mum.

I am currently a SAHM, and it doesn't bother me to be called a full time mum at all. But my best friend who has a 1 year old like me is also a full time mum, she just happens to go out to work some of the time too! Her dd is at nursery while she works, but she doesn't for a minute stop being a mum.

barnsleybelle · 27/05/2009 15:15

well yes, if someone wanted to know what my previous career was then i would tell them that i was a nurse and that i plan to go back pt once they are all in full time school.

I certainly wouldn't volunteer that though. I find it quite sad that a mum doesn't feel whole unless she has to define herself by some kind of career wether past present. What i do now is ftm and i'm proud of my role in life and don't feel the need to announce what i did prior to the children.

cthea · 27/05/2009 15:16

I understand thedolly. "I look after the DCs full time" is quite descriptive, I suppose. It's the "I AM..." phrase that's more emotive.

Barnsleybelle - you know, so many people bring the "I'm having such an enchanted life, I don't care" argument. It's not a good one. Because everybody who enters the argument does sufficiently to stop what they were doing to type their 2p-worth.

FairLadyRantALot · 27/05/2009 15:16

lol smallegg [...if it is netmums, it must be law

cthea...but mostly people ask and don't even give a flying fark about the answer, it is conversational and therefore the shorter the better....

SingingBear · 27/05/2009 15:17

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FairLadyRantALot · 27/05/2009 15:18

and it will...

Original poster
blondie80 · 27/05/2009 15:19

barnsley, i feel i must reply to you personally because you have made a few comments on here directed at your presumptions of me.

Firstly please read all the posts.

Secondly i have never said i was upset by what the lady called referred to herself as. i actually said it made me laugh and think 'who isn't a full time mum.'

Thirdly if you are far too busy having fun with your dc, you seem to have plenty of time to spend on mn.

some working mums may feel guilty, i don't, i miss about 7/8 hours a week after school when dd is with either dh or gran until i pick her up/get home.

p.s. maybe you do not mean to offend in your posts, if you don't please reconsider your use of puncuation.

OP posts:
cthea · 27/05/2009 15:19

"I find it quite sad that a mum doesn't feel whole unless she has to define herself by some kind of career wether past present." Again, you are reading too much into it. It's not about a mum defining herself or not, it's what people expect to hear when they ask what you do, they expect to hear of a job or not. You can philosophise about the state of affairs and the sadness of it all but that's the way it is.

barnsleybelle · 27/05/2009 15:21

cthea... i joined this thread yesterday afternoon and the problem is that those who have joined recently have clearly not read the whole lot. If you had you would see my previous posts.

My 2p worth is that i find it very sad that people are so hung up on what they are " called"... which after all is what the op asked " am i being unreasonable to care".

I am answering the post... ???