Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To feel a bit put out at friends telling me, at the end of my impromptu visit, that they 'like to be telephoned before anyone pops in'?

500 replies

Scrumplet · 25/05/2009 19:22

I'd understand if we'd turned up planning to stay for hours. But DS and I were in the area, and it would have seemed rude not to pop in for 10 minutes, IYSWIM. So we did, and they welcomed us in, and we chatted for 10 minutes in the garden - and then they said, "We prefer visitors to call before they pop in." They were washing up when we arrived.

Anyhow, I feel like a dog with its tail between its legs. I don't mind (in fact, rather like) friends descending on us for brief, impromptu visits - but that's me, I suppose. Were we being unreasonable to just pop in for a few minutes, unannounced?

OP posts:
MrsMuddle · 26/05/2009 08:54

Stealthpolarbear, I can usually rustle up some pasta and pesto, and I live in the town centre, between Tesco and Sainsbury's, so a DC can run out and get nice bread. That constitutes an impromtu meal here.

Invited guests get something more exciting!

Sakura · 26/05/2009 08:59

I could never pretend I wasn't in if someone popped round .
I'm not a popper-inner and I might not have minded other people popping in before I had DD but MIL has put me right off impromptu visits. I realised (thanks to her) that I am a very private person, which is absolutely fine. So I can't have people popping in at random.
I have lots of friends who come to my house regularly but it is always planned.

I agree my way is a little uptight and in theory I think its lovely when people live in a community where they pop in to each others houses. But I need my daily "me-time" to stay sane and it would be a nightmare for me if someone popped in after I'd just put DD down to nap...
Its so much more pleasant when you've got the milk and biscuits in and you've got nothing niggling because you knew they were coming.

sarah293 · 26/05/2009 09:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

FimbleHobbs · 26/05/2009 09:15

On the whole I like people to call first - I don't really have much spare time to accomodate popper-inners. That said, both sets of neighbours are lovely, proper friends, and we often pop in on each other, with the default disclaimer on entry of 'excuse the mess' and then we'll carry on doing whatever housework/cooking etc anyway.

swanriver · 26/05/2009 09:16

When the kids were small nap time was a no-no as far as popping in (1 -3.30) as was bedtime 6-12pm but generally I love people (I already know and like) to pop in unannounced. YANBU
Maybe they had just had a row.

sarah293 · 26/05/2009 09:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BottySpottom · 26/05/2009 09:51

To clarify what I said earlier: in theory I'd love to be a popper-iner and to be popped in on (what a bizarre phrase 'popping in' is) it's just that it doesn't work in practice.

When I would try and pretend I wasn't at home, it was usually when I was getting only a very few interrupted hours sleep a night and had just got children, and me, down for a quiet 10 minutes.

basementbear · 26/05/2009 10:06

I'm sure the popper-iners don't expect the place to be spotless, or for you to have biscuits in etc, but I personally don't like people to come unannounced - especially if I am still in my PJs at 10.30 and with no makeup on .

My Nan was great at dealing with unexpected (and unwanted) visitors - she would put her coat on and open the door saying "oh how lovely to see you but I'm just on my way out ..."

whoingodsnameami · 26/05/2009 10:09

I love people just popping in unannounced, but I never visit anyone without a phonecall first.

whoingodsnameami · 26/05/2009 10:11

basementbear, I often quickly wrap a towel around my head and hang out the bedroom window saying I am in the middle of a shower, can they pop back later?

TheYearOfTheCat · 26/05/2009 10:54

Next time my MIL calls round uninvited & unannounced, I may take the top half of my clothes off and hang out the bedroom window.

deegward · 26/05/2009 10:59

IMO, it's very South this having to arrange to go to someone's home. I'm sure others will have said the same thing

paisleyleaf · 26/05/2009 11:08

I've just dashed to look out the window as a car was hovering outside
.....and thought 'Oh good. They're turning round'
I guess I don't like surprise visits then.

knockedgymnast · 26/05/2009 16:02

I have a friend who does this and then stays HOURS!!(6 hours last count, and I'd only just come in from work)

What makes it even more amusing it that with every visit, she says she has 'lost' my mobile number, and more or less uses it as an excuse to 'pop' in

barnsleybelle · 26/05/2009 16:08

I hate people calling unannounced, don't know why really it just irks me, and in the same vain i always text or phone before i drop in on anyone too.

I wouldn't be offended, just happy that she felt comfortable enough to tell me. At least this way there is no bad feeling later down the line.

stuffitlllama · 26/05/2009 16:13

It doesn't mean they don't like you. It means they don't want to be caught with a filthy loo or something. Tis all.

onthepier · 26/05/2009 16:27

Another thing I find, is that because there are a few families who live so near me that they have to walk past our house to get to theirs, their children have got into the habit after school of saying, "Can we go to ONTHEPIER's house?", instead of just saying goodbye at my front gate and carrying on.

The parents normally say "I don't mind, it's up to her". There are times when I've felt obliged to invite them all in as they're hovering, but all the time thinking, "Crumbs, I've been at work since I took dc's to school this morning, didn't get time to clear up breakfast things, clean bathroom, clear away newspapers and toys etc"! (As well as feeling a bit tired and looking forward to a peaceful(ish) hour or so before I have to start the homework/dinner/bath routine). A lot of the other mums don't work so have had a bit of free time during the day.

I must admit I'm not really an "on-the-spot" sort of person. I've recently taken to saying it's not really convenient but how about Thurs/Friday? Works better for me but I know other people poss find it a bit formal.

PortBlacksandResident · 26/05/2009 16:28

If they body blocked you getting in the house and said that to you, i suspect they have a gimp under the sink and were letting him out at the time you called.

claireybee · 26/05/2009 16:36

I generally like popper inners but they never seem to come on a normal day when we are dressed and the house is fairly clean-they always arrive on the days where we are in our pj's and the kitchen is one big pile of washing up. I still like that they've come but do feel embarrassed and worry that they think we live like that all the time!

I think your friends were a bit rude tbh, not inviting you in to the house was message enough!

5Foot5 · 26/05/2009 16:45

I am not a popper-in but my parents and their family/friends were. I think this is mostly because none of them had phones back then so it was difficult to arrange things in advance.

If someone popped in on me I would make them welcome but I definitely would be a bit put out. I don't think I would have said what the OPs friends said but I do have some sympathy with that approach.

OK so they were only washing up on that occasion but they might have had something else on.

5Foot5 · 26/05/2009 16:51

Oh and reminds me of my MIL who said that once when she was a very new Mum her MIL was in the area with several friends and decided to pop round with them all to see the baby. Of course it would be a day when the flat was in a muddle, nappies everywhere and nothing done. These older women turned up unnanounced and expected to be entertained, made cups of tea and admire the baby and they did tut-tut somewhat over the state of things.

Because of that MIL said she would never just pop-in on any of her children after they left home.

It wouldn't have happened with us anyway as we live well outside popping in range. But the rest of the family live in the same town. One of my SILs came from a great family of poppers-in, they popped in on each other several times a day. She always thought MIL a bit standoffish because she insisted on ringing up first to check it was OK to come around. In fact MIL was just being considerate in the light of her own experiences as a young Mum.

katiek123 · 26/05/2009 17:35

scrumplet - i can't believe your friends. IMO that was really, really rude. guess you can tell that i am a popper-in and i like to be popped in on! i think it's terribly sad that our culture is moving away from this way of connecting. i think a well-managed pop-in is a lovely, warm, spontaneous event - obviously staying for 6 hours is outrageous and i too have occasionally wished visitors away! but on the whole - viva la pop-in!

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 26/05/2009 17:37

I hate people just dropping in - my brother always drops in unannounced, and it's inevitably on a day I'm full of pmt with a massively messy house I'm struggling to get on top of, a tantrumming toddler, and no milk to make a cuppa with.

Then as I'm scuttling round trying to tidy up, he'll tell me I look like shit, point out the mess, and not-so-subtly suggest that my perfectly normal toddler has some kind of behavioural disorder.

I dread those visits! Give me the chance to say "Now's not a good time" fgs!

Paolosgirl · 26/05/2009 19:10

Well just say "I'm busy, can you pop round another time"!

scottishmummy · 26/05/2009 20:01

my folk never be popper inners.not spontaneous enough

by time they ask a myriad of questions
"whit bus"
"is the bus gonnae go aw they way"
"how long will it take"
"gonnae meet us"
"kin ah huve chips on way hame"

on and on

so never likely to leap on a bus,for sake o it