To feel a bit put out at friends telling me, at the end of my impromptu visit, that they 'like to be telephoned before anyone pops in'?

[Scrumplet]

I'd understand if we'd turned up planning to stay for hours. But DS and I were in the area, and it would have seemed rude not to pop in for 10 minutes, IYSWIM. So we did, and they welcomed us in, and we chatted for 10 minutes in the garden - and then they said, "We prefer visitors to call before they pop in." They were washing up when we arrived.

Anyhow, I feel like a dog with its tail between its legs. I don't mind (in fact, rather like) friends descending on us for brief, impromptu visits - but that's me, I suppose. Were we being unreasonable to just pop in for a few minutes, unannounced?

I prefer people to check before popping in, not so that I can do any form of tidying, just so I can be sure I’ve got time for them. I wouldn’t want someone I liked to appear at the door at the point where I was rushing around trying to get ready for something, for example.

[quote HarlanPepper]@ThanksItHasPockets it maybe washed a little better in 2009, when this thread was started.[/quote]
Argh, that’ll teach me to MN in the middle of the night 🤦🏻‍♀️ Sorry.

At least OP’s friends used their words all the way back in 2009. I can remember one occasion in the 80s when unwanted unexpected visitors popped by and my mother threw us our coats, hissing at us to put them on to make it look like we were just on our way out. We spent the whole visit sitting passive-aggressively in our coats in the sitting room hoping that the visitors would get the hint.

We have a fairly open house here, all family have keys, parents just walk-in and shout “hellllooooooo” but I would never just drop in on my bestie without texting and saying “are you in around 11 as I’m passing and thought you might put the kettle on”

She then has chance to make excuses if it isn’t convenient. It’s rude to do otherwise I think.

Bloody zombie 🧟‍♀️

I’m stunned that other posters are saying the friends are the rude ones here! I think it’s very rude and presumptuous to knock on someone’s door uninvited, without so much as a text to warn them that you’re coming. They might want to tidy up or make themselves more presentable before guests arrive, or they might be in the middle of something and not want to be disturbed by you suddenly descending on them.

I think it's much ruder to tell someone not to pop in than it is to do the popping in.

God no I hate impromptu visits that would drive me mad. It wasn't very tactful of them but if they're not happy with it they've every right to tell you not to do it again, sounds like you crossed a boundary for them.

Oh my, what a zombie.I read to page 3 before noticing this is 2009. I was wondering about the opinions.it has changed quite a bit in these years.

Posters since 2009 really should cancel the cheque

@SquirrelG

I shake my head at this modern world sometimes. When I was young people didn't have to phone ahead to announce that they were "popping in", and the majority of people were happy to see visitors. How have we got to this stage?

Your "friends" were very rude, and I'm afraid they wouldn't be getting any more visits from me.

Were you young in 2009 when the popping in incident happened though, SquirrelG?

I think YABU and they were quite polite in asking you not to do it again. I don't like it at all when people just drop round and there's no reason to when we all have mobiles. A quick text and everyone's happy.

I can see it from both sides too. DP would regularly just drop in on relatives when we were DC. I hate it (although it doesn't happen much these days), as you can guarantee it will happen when you've run out of milk or the house is looking particularly messy!

Argh zombie... But @hellolittlestar it is interesting isn't it!

No-one’s been unreasonable.

You did what you thought was OK. They would rather you hadn’t.

They have now clearly communicated this.

No harm done. Move on.

Were you young in 2009 when the popping in incident happened though, SquirrelG?

Nope I would have thought the same in 2009 as I do now.

(have only read OPs posts) I am not a popper and i definitely don't want people popping in. I work a lot and i really value my free time.

It is really awkward saying "er, not a good time" and chivvying people away.

**

But we are in the time of mobile phones, there is nothing eaiser than saying "hey, friends, were in your 'hood can we pop in" - it is MUCH easier to say "soz, no, awks right now" by phone.
But anyway: pre phones people who had time to visit had "at home" hours where they received visitors, who left their card if the person wasn't in when they called. (and IIRC you often received notifiction of an At Home type event anyway)

I mean blimey, there was a thread here complaining that someone had had the temerety to phone someone without sending a text to ask if that would be ok. How, in a nation where a lot of people agree with this, is it ok to pop in to someone's house?

(also: didn't the frosty washing-up situation on arrival and for entire visit give you any clues?)

@SquirrelG

Were you young in 2009 when the popping in incident happened though, SquirrelG?

Nope I would have thought the same in 2009 as I do now.

I don't think they were rude at all, they were just clesrly asserting their boundaries so that there is no confusion going forward. In my mind, it's rude to just turn up unannounced.

I would message first, I don't like impromptu visits. But, I wouldn't say anything, especially if it's a one-off. If it happened a lot then I might politely make it known.
I wouldn't worry, she just told you the truth. You'll know next time

YANBU from me, but I’m biased, my parents are from an Asian country where people drop in on each other unannounced all the time and (gasp) often stay for dinner.

I don’t mind visitors dropping in except when the house is messy. However, we never drop in on anyone ourselves, always call first.

I would always text or call.

I have a busy life, at the minute I am making packed lunches whilst the pots from last nights dinner are still in the sink and I have clothes everywhere drying.

I would be mortified and annoyed if someone turned up at my house right now

Yabu. You should have called (or better still, messages) before "popping in ". People can have all kinds of things going on in their lives

[quote Dishh]@Moomoo75

Are you new to Mumsnet? It isn't the best form to resurrect a zombie thread (a thread that is more than a year old).

Next time, start one a new thread of your own if that particular topic interests you.[/quote]
Apologies all. This topic appeared on my page and I replied. I didn't look at the date. I have no idea why it appeared if its from 2009!! I presumed it was a current discussion. No offence meant, there must be a glitch somewhere.

Horrified by the amount of people who think popping in is acceptable, I hope things have changed in the last 13yrs, but I wonder how many near misses I've had in that time!
I'm not an introvert or antisocial, but my house is frequently untidy, I might be mooching about with unwashed hair and no bra, I'd be mortified.

We often get parcels delivered so if the door goes I answer it assuming it will just be a parcel on the doorstep and the postie walking away. Might even be in my pjs. I wouldn’t like it if it was a friend asking to come in even just for a minute