To feel a bit put out at friends telling me, at the end of my impromptu visit, that they 'like to be telephoned before anyone pops in'?

[Scrumplet]

I'd understand if we'd turned up planning to stay for hours. But DS and I were in the area, and it would have seemed rude not to pop in for 10 minutes, IYSWIM. So we did, and they welcomed us in, and we chatted for 10 minutes in the garden - and then they said, "We prefer visitors to call before they pop in." They were washing up when we arrived.

Anyhow, I feel like a dog with its tail between its legs. I don't mind (in fact, rather like) friends descending on us for brief, impromptu visits - but that's me, I suppose. Were we being unreasonable to just pop in for a few minutes, unannounced?

Ahh another person who didn’t look at the date! 😂

Me and DH dropped in on someone unannounced. They were very polite at the time but ceased sending cards etc after that. we're no longer in contract.. My fault entirely and I phone ahead now.

I moved to a country where everyone drops round unannounced and stays for hours and expects to be fed. It was disconcerting at first but after a time I grew to like the random friendliness of it.

How rude don't bother going again so tactless. They should be pleased a friend wants to pop in and see them. Miserable, rude, farts.

Truthfully, you should ring. Even if you’re around the corner and give them 10 to 15 monitored warning. Popping up on someone’s door is just rude. Not sure how else you’d like your friends to relay to you that they prefer a call first before people popping in.

@Moomoo75 Why did you ignore the warning and bump a 13 year old thread?

I would think this but never sat it purely because the house usually needs tidying!

ZOMBIE 2009

Ooh zombie

Oops sorry didn't notice, twice damned now

Very very rude of them to say that to you. I would never call on them announced or unannounced again.

@Moomoo75

YABVU

I would find unannounced visitors very stressful tbh. I think they were rude to say something, but I also find people rude when they just turn up at my house!

Oh fuck, it's a zombie.

@Scrumplet

PuppyMonkey: "I think the way you say "but this has never come up before" is quite telling. Perhaps they're sick to death of you just turning up and they could take no more of it." I said in an earlier post that this hasn't come up before, because I haven't popped in like this before, impromptu. Usually, we plan regular evening get-togethers - often at my house, because I have DS and they are child-free. I'm often settling DS when they arrive and they know to let themselves in and help themselves to a drink. It's a pretty informal friendship, so I was just surprised by their rather deadpan request earlier on.

I'm surprised, TBH, at how many (the majority) of MNers would prefer even a close friend/neighbour/family member to call first before popping in. For longer visits, and with people who aren't so close, I get it. But hey, it really does seem to be each to their own with this. Thanks for all the posts. This thread has been an education: I now know to call before visiting most friends ... maybe I've pissed a few others off and they don't want to say?!

I hate, hate, hate people coming by unannounced.

It's not because I hate my friends, it's because I'm a messy person and I feel like shit if anyone witnesses just how bad it can get sometimes! I need notice to tidy and clean, please.

My house is your house... but only if you give me enough time to make it sparkle.

They might have had a long day/week... finally looking forward to resting/family time etc. They didn't know how long you'd stay and it's better to have honest people.
It was rude to say it like they did, but then some think it's rude to turn up unannounced.

@ChippingIn

I understand that a lot of people don't like others to 'pop in' and that people 'popping in' can be annoying or inconvenient (I often feel like that, even though I'd like to enjoy it more), but I completely fail to see how it is rude to knock on someones door - afterall, it's pretty much why we have door knockers and door bells isn't it??

Some people saying it’s rude to knock/pop in Some people saying it’s rude to tell someone they expect a call in advance.

In reality, neither are rude they’re just a different preference. You can see that from this thread. Some people love unexpected visitors and welcome them wholeheartedly because they enjoy seeing people.

I’m the second type. I’m an introvert with ADHD. I have a stressful full time job that’s full on dealing with people every day, often in very emotional, difficult or traumatic circumstances. My house is often messy/untidy. Unexpected visitors is my idea of hell.

Nobody is being rude when they state their feelings/preferences. It’s not personal.

Oh ffs a pissing zombie

Good lord, I was 23 when this thread started, now I'm 13 years older, 13 years fatter and 13 years wiser.

Anyway impromptu visitors can fuck off, they're barred. No notice, no entry.

When i read the “stood in the garden “ part I thought oh this is probably an old thread at the height of lockdown or something and checked the date only to find it’s actually from the prehistoric era 😂

Another 14! I am gathering in fivers, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Yeah they are in the wrong.

So that is 17 now.

And there was me thinking the requirement to pre book an appointment to visit someone three weeks in advance and in writing was a recent thing.

Hate a drop in, why not send a quick text first? Also you said it would seem rude not to pop in, but how would they even have known you’d been in their area?