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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be so upset and angry because of complaint about my friend breastfeeding?

720 replies

memoo · 17/05/2009 14:59

My friend and work colleague had a DD 6 months ago. We both work in a primary school.

Several weeks ago my friend visited her old reception class in school. The class topic has been 'Growing' ang the reception teacher thought it would be nice for my friend to bring her DD in during the lesson where they would be talking about babies.

I've just had a phone call from my friend and I'm really angry at what she told me.

Apparently at the end of the lesson in school my friend needed to feed her DD and so sat quietly in the reading corner away from the children while she BF.

Friend had a call from the head on Friday telling her that a parent has complained about her BF'ing in front of the children

This parent said that her DS had said he had seen Mrs "boobies" and had been a bit giggley about it.

The head is being lovely and only spoke to my friend about purely to let her know what has happen and as far as I know this parent has been put in her place.

I am just so shocked that this parent could do this. I know the parent in question and the more I think about it I#m getting more and more angry!!!!

OP posts:
treedelivery · 18/05/2009 13:47

I also would like to chuck this into the debate.

Would we have this discussion if this was bottle feeding. If we would - then we should have it and hopefully come to the conclusion that a baby has rights too. To have it's grub without anyone judging the action. I'd hate some one to have something to say about me eating a sarnie sat on a wall - and I can understand the need to wait, plan a meal and so on. A baby has none of this - it wants dinner now. No mucking about. Whay make it wait/move/compromise.

If we wouldn't have this discussion if the baby had a bottle, then there is a very deep problem with the complaint made by the parent in regards to how bf is percieved and promoted to the next generation.

I completely take on board the pov of those who would seek to enlighten as to why a parent complained. I really can see their rationalle for complaining. I just think it is completely wrong.

In regards to schools and the can and can nots - I do believe this country has bred a generation of 'controlling parenting' where we do feel we must filter every sensation or image or experience our children are exposed to. I don't know what makes us believe we have such a high grade level of judgement to know what is absolutely always best for our dc's under all circumstances. It puts huge pressure on us as parents.

It's good having a thread like this as it reminds me to let my dc's live a little and let the school get on with it. I have some barriers that I can't cross, but generally I try to not impose my beliefs on my children.

Guess I'll have to suck it up if they choose to formula feed like my mum did when I bf!

sparklycheerymummy · 18/05/2009 13:47

SHe simply breast fed in front of children and thats not an issue at all..... but parents like to feel in control of what their children do and dont see etc. I AM IN SUPPORT OF BREASTFEEDING!!!!

wastingmyeducation · 18/05/2009 13:47

Sparkly, that is not a breastfeeding mother's problem.
The only way to normalise breastfeeding is to get on with it.

StealthPolarBear · 18/05/2009 13:48

Well it would see that some people are uncomfortable with bf and some with bottle feeding. Hopefully no parents are too uncomfortable with both!
I still don't get the "parents should have had the choice / been pre warned" thing. You'd do that if she planned to gut a chicken in the lesson, not to feed her baby. Pre warning parents is just adding validity to the opinion that what she was doing is a bit unpleasant and/or shameful.

Boco · 18/05/2009 13:48

x-posts. Well I think leaving the room if you feel uncomfortable is fine, I think expecting the bfer to leave the room is not fine.

Gunnerbean · 18/05/2009 13:48

As SparklyCheeryMunny rightly says, most of the people here who are pro-breast feeding are getting worked up over nothing.

I am not saying its wrong but it was wrong to do it in those particular circumstances. You can also debate over whether that sitaution should change but unfortuatnately in the current climate it will still be seen as unacceptable by a lot of people. I wouldn't be unacceptable to me at all but to others it will be, just as it was to that parent who complained - fact. However, that view will not be fairly respresented on a thread where 99% of posters responding are pro breastfeeding and are extremely agitated by and exercised over this issue.

I think those people need to stop attacking people like me who have been breastfeedig mothers themselves and are not saying anything against breastfeeding but simply pointing out that in the current climate (which I'll agree should change) what this woman did will not be deemed appropriate by a lot of people.

In the interests of balance, I can guarantee that I could go to work tomorrow (to a government department populated ny ordinary people representative of the great British public) and tell them this story and a lot of people will think, like me that the woman should have gone outside to feed the baby. Not because it's wrong, or shameful but simply because in the current climate, a classroom during a lesson is not the palce to breastfeed a baby.

Oh and for your inforamtion Raisingrill I have a DC in Yr4 and two of my close friends are teachers - one primary and one secondary.

raisingrrrl · 18/05/2009 13:50

My ds has a message for Gunnerbean and Flocci here.

StealthPolarBear · 18/05/2009 13:52

Gunnerbean - you're probably right, but given that bf is the normal, natural way to feed a baby, why should the inappropriate attitude be pandered to? Why should these people who feel it's something to be ashamed of have their opinions validated? Surely seeing it, from an early age, is the way to normalise it!

wastingmyeducation · 18/05/2009 13:52

Gunner you don't explain why. Is it simply because it might upset some people? But not you?

raisingrrrl · 18/05/2009 13:53

"but simply pointing out that in the current climate (which I'll agree should change)"

And how is it going to change, then, if people don't work to change it??

wastingmyeducation · 18/05/2009 13:53

raisingrrrl, I didn't even notice the first time I looked!

OlympedeGouges · 18/05/2009 13:53

no one is agitated. People are merely pointing out how unreasonable the argument is. You saying the same thing over and over again doesn't change that.

treedelivery · 18/05/2009 13:53

Gunnerbean - I am not sure you are being attacked, I think it's just a tit for tat discussion which is fair enough.

I suppose some feel that the current climate you talk off is wrong, and they are eager to try and educate the next generation through good example. It is depressing to see the opposite occur.

ANd as the grounds for considering the current climate wrong are so good [The baby's right to nutrition and the mother's right to feed] I feel that is good positive energy.

I would feel the same way and argue to the same extent if this baby had been offered a bottle and it offended someone - in response to any one who believes I am a militant bf mum.

I will not be labelled. I can have opinions without belonging to a club.

treedelivery · 18/05/2009 13:55

That wasn't typed in an arsey voice btw - nor aimed at any one poster. I will kick back at having intelligent debate degraded however. Be it on human rights, feeding or paint colour.

MillyR · 18/05/2009 13:56

SCM

All the examples you are bringing up are about personal care of someone else's child - applying sunscreen, toilet needs, hugs. That has nothing to do with breastfeeding your own child in front of someone else's.

Parents have to accept they cannot control what their children see, nor should they be able to if it is something as commonplace as breastfeeding.

I am sorry if you have psychological issues with nudity, but some people have OCD about cotton wool or buttons and we ban neither from classrooms.

Thunderduck · 18/05/2009 13:56

What do you mean by ''in the current climate''? Are we free to feed in public once the recession is over then? I don't understand what you mean.

If it offends people, too bad, hiding breastfeeding away does no good. It'll never be seen as the norm if people continue to give in to pressure from misguided people who believe that the sight of a mother feeding her baby, as nature intended, is so offensive.

sparklycheerymummy · 18/05/2009 13:56

Thank you Gunnerbean. Am quite upset here really.....I am simply trying to give a balanced view of the issue. OK so my issues are not a breastfeeding mothers issue.... not quite sure how to take that..... i did try bf my daughter but suffered something i wont discuss and was not able to. I am simply trying to state why some people are so body conscious and find the naked body uncomfortable. I am not saying women who bf should hide are that they are doing anything wrong but please do not completely undermine the people who have issues with 'bodies'..... not necessarily bfing.

MillyR · 18/05/2009 13:59

I completely undermine people who have issues with bodies all the time by showing my face and sometimes my bare legs below the knee in public. I understand that some members of the public disagree with women showing those body parts.

Maybe the school should send letters home asking parents if they mind me standing in the playground in a knee length skirt.

AitchTwoOh · 18/05/2009 13:59

i'm not angry, not in the slightest, but i do think that people who are made uncomfortable by bfing should just fuck right off, really i do. i'm embarrassed for them, they are clearly weirdos wiith hang-ups a mile wide.

sparkly, parents might like to feel in control, but they aren't. and just as we shouldn't pander to them if they are uncomfortable around ethnic minorities, LGBT etc, because it's palpably WRONG to feel like that, nor should they be pandered to in this situation.

raisingrrrl · 18/05/2009 14:01

If parents want to control 100% what their children want to see in the classroom and throughout the day, then they should home educate!!

treedelivery · 18/05/2009 14:01

I think we are rather hard on babies in this country.

We expect them to give way to our grown up opinions and points of view, without much consieration for their few and basic needs.

We will spend £600 on a pushchair so we can get them in a car easily, but object to their access to optimum nutrition in the easiest way. I speak of those who would seek to stop babies feeding in public, or discriminate against bf babies.

StealthPolarBear · 18/05/2009 14:01

there were no naked bodies! what on earth?

OlympedeGouges · 18/05/2009 14:02

it really is akin to parents complaining to the BBC about the presenter only having on arm.

OlympedeGouges · 18/05/2009 14:03

one

treedelivery · 18/05/2009 14:04

scm - I respect you issues with the body and in no attack that, I just have issues myself with your issues affecting my baby's lunch iyswim?

Hmmmm lunch.

You should try not to get upset as this is simply a debate and not a comment on you as an individual.